How do I help my 15year old son (Please help)?

Question

I want to be part of my 15yrs old sons life.My ex and I broke up when my son was 4yrs old. I have maintained an active role in his life since,but because I wont agree to a reconcilliation with ex,she has stiffiled the relationship that I have with my son,by telling all sorts of lies to child govering agencies,costing me immensly in time and money.My son is suffering,and has just been kicked out of one of his school classes, for disruptive behavior in class,I think, rebelling against the situation.I have consulted many legal agencies,including solicitors and court for help,who have all advised "it is up to the mother".If she is trying her best, but clearly cannot have his best interest at heart, how can I help him to help himself,as she will only permit 3hrs per week with him,no visits,or phone calls,to his home&he has no friends i pay for her lavish holidays,through the CSA,whilst he hasn't even been provided with new clothes for school in the past 3yrs,and petrifies him with threats.

Answer 1

Get a lawyer and try to get your son tell what your wife is doing she obviously isn't using on the son if he hasn't had new clothing in three years...he may be acting out because the kids are teasing him about things like this everybody needs new clothing every once in awhile but don't let this happen to your son let him come over for the summer talk to your wife nicely and calmly and ask her for forgiveness just be nice even if you have to pretend...SMILE

Answer 2

not much you can do here. The son however, is 15. He can go to an appropriate agency and ask for help. Most states recognize the wishes of a 15-year-old. In the meantime, take that 3 hours a week and let your son know that you are there for him, and you love him. Don't spend that time slamming the mother, spend that time telling the son how much you love him.

Answer 3

I truly feel sympathy for you and your sons situation . This boy is being torn apart by a war set up by the mother and you are basically being placed in a helpless bind as far as getting legal help at present it seems however there is hope here.


This young man is 15 and in just four or so years he will be an adult and hopefully branching out on his own . when that happens you are in a much more powerful position to begin building a new more positive relationship during his adult years and being a huge part of his life up ahead if you play your cards carefully now. you cannmot change the situation fully at present and perhaps trying to get into the legal tangles right now is just putting more pressure on this young boy which he definately does not need . adolescence is a time of such turmoil even in the best of situations and he does not need to be in the middle of a tug of war between his parents. he is almost a grown man now and unless he is being grossly mistreated at home , regretfully, i feel maybe that aspect of it should be downplayed now.


what you can do though is truly alot here .


the time you are allotted to spend with him can be used carefully and positively without pressure on him, to lay trhe foundation, the groundwork, for that adult relationship up ahead.

you can offer a listening ear to him , let him know you love him, you are always there for him, and if he ever needs to tell you anything you will listen non judgementally and not put him in the middle of this situation so he feels pushed to choose sides . he will notice this and though tright now he may not always seem positive toward you he will remember how YOU talked to him, how you did not put him in the middle of this sposal conflict over him and how you loved him enough not to make pressures upon him more unbearable. he is watching you and he will remember that dad cared about him andf tried to always be supportive and listen to all sides and he will see the contrast between this and the lies his mom is feeding him about you. this may not happen at once but when he is of age he will remember and see it more clearly and judge this whole thing with adult eyes . it might take awhile but what you do with the time you get to spend with him now will hopefully stick in his mind and yield a positive relationship for both of you down the road a few years. whatever you do try to keep a positive bond intact with him. do not let it sever! even if this means just being with him, using that time you have to build on and dropping the legal fights and conflicts with the mother.


keep the focus on maintaining this relationship with your son at all costs and do not lose focus or get off track!!!


that childs life and keeping his dad in his life later on is the most important thing right now. best of luck. you can do this!

Answer 4

Use what you have right now, which is the 3hrs per week, in good quality time! You are already aware of some of his needs, therefore provide him with them, the best that you can. Keep the complicated issues you have with your ex, and legal issues out of conversation while your with your son, that is too upsetting, he is learning to adjust in his own way. He has a lot deal with in school pressures etc, he does not need any form of instability. He needs positive attitudes and will recognize that through your behavior/s and learn from what he sees, and hears. Be true to yourself, and put all past wars behind you, and focus on your child, on his future. This is a very important time in his life, and he needs both of you to come to terms with some sort of reconciliation and keep him out of that whole argumentative process. Don't waste time on the bitterness of material losses etc...rather focus on that precious quality time to build towards hope in success for your son's future, and reward yourselves in witnessing his growth towards manhood. You know what they say "Love can build a bridge" Someone has to start somewhere, and the strength of it's structure comes from within in truth, in hope, in happiness. Hope that was helpful, the best to you/s and your son!

Answer 5

U need to get a private attorney I'm thinkin. And I'm also thinkin that your son is old enough to choose which parent he wants to live with.

Maybe if u get the attorney, he can work out some way for the son to request the court remove him from his mum's. And if he can say he's not gettin proper treatment from her, or that she's using money u send on her instead of him, then I'm thinkin u should get him.

I'm in Canada, but maybe it's similar for u there too.

Answer 6

This sounds like she's utilising your son as a pawn to get what she needs, a 2d risk with you. this could appear like a grimy and espresso-down ingredient to do, yet call her on the telephone or conform to fulfill up along with her and checklist the communication and then ask her why you does not have the skill to ascertain him returned in case you do no longer conform to her words. This recorded communication could be admissable as evidence in courtroom that she has threatened to disclaim visitation by way of fact of your refusal to come again in a dating along with her. i'm sorry for the adverse propose, yet seeing how i'm no longer a lawyer or something it extremely is the terrific i will do for now. i'm hoping that each and every little thing works out for you interior the long-term. terrific of success to you. - James

Answer 7

At this age he is old enough to choose who he wants to live with. You have to go to court and petition for custody, and they will set a court date. Most likely the Judge will ask your son who he wants to live with and that will be who he goes with. Atleast, that is what happened when I was 14, ans we are going through the same thing with my husband and step-daughter. Good luck and no matter what stay as involved as you can in his life. He is smart and will figure everything out as he gets older.

Answer 8

I'm not sure what kind of legal advice you are getting ... but it sounds like "bad" legal advice from the facts you present. Keep in mind he is 15 years old ...and old enough to have his wishes considered by the courts. You do have parental rights ... it sounds like you need aggressive legal counsel to correct what appears to be an injustice to this young man.

Answer 9

Your son is at an age where he can choose which parent he wants to be with. Use those three hours a week to talk to him and hire an attorney

Answer 10

i dont know what state you are from but if you are divorced and you are paying child support then you are legally entitled to visitation. in the state of texas it is every 1st,3rd and 5th weekend , alternate holidays and one consecutive month in summer... get an atty.