I've have female friends & acquaintainces who have bored me to tears for 2 years planning every detail of their wedding, right down to matching their flower ribbons to their cake icing and the like, but after 6 months or a year they are getting divorced/separated! Do they just want to be 'princess for a day' at the wedding and if so, isn't that a bit sad? Also, some brides have admitted to me that as soon as they get the first baby, they won't care about the husband at all. What's that all about!
2007-05-25 23:31:04 · 22 answers · asked by Julia 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
This is a dream question!
I cannot stand women who go on and on about Weddings. It actually shocks me how absorbed some women are with the planning process. Now, I'm 24, so perhaps I am still too young to feel the urge to get married (I will one day) but I am sure that when I do, I will go abroad, with just me and my partner, possible a handful of family for the ceremony.
A marriage is about making a commitment between two people - when you think about it, its incredibly intense and so personal to say to someone that you will be with them untill you die. Why on earth do I want a roomful of people gawping at me when I say my vows?! What is romantic about that, and holding my head at a certain angle so the photos come out ok?! These women are also extremely judgemental about other people's weddings; bitching about invites, the food, the dress - always trying to outdo one another instead of genuinely being happy for each other.
I first became aware of women like this with my boyfriend's sister - she is 28, has been nagging at her boyfriend to get engaged (he says no) and - this is not a lie - she has bought wedding insurance. Insurance without an engagement. She has over 100 wedding magazines, and dreams of this day....I have a problem with this. Most obviously the let down after the wedding and honeymoon will be enormous. A day passes quickly, especially on a day like a wedding, then it's back to paying the mortgage. (I guess the next buzz is having a baby, followed by an affair.)
I know that it is common to dream of the wedding day, as princess in a carriage- but really, I look at these girls and think what values has your mother brought you up with? Find the right man and everything will be ok? Look beautiful for you wedding day and have all the attention - because that makes you special? (A lot of people's lives are so depressing that this is something to look forward to; but instead of obsessing over one day, why not do something that will make you happy for the long term future!) All that matters is who is watching? Although I hope my wedding will be nice, I am more concerned about the marriage and I think something like the birth of your first child is a million million times more special than a wedding. But for me; first; a career. It's amazing how little time you spend thinking about ribbons and napkins when you have a passion and ambition in life you have to achieve.
And as you say, people marry because it's the in thing, and a year or so later - the divorce. I think the farce of 'planning' over the top weddings only helps this. People become disillusioned with what it's really about, they get so swept away with the ceremony.
Basically - if you love someone and really really want to spend the rest of your life with them get married! But I don't think it really matters to anyone else on earth apart from you and the person your marrying. Your wedding is just a mere glitch in the diary for most of your guests. It really ISN'T the event of the century; the Beckhams already stole that crown.
While I'm here.....I have to say I have only been to one decent wedding in my life and it was one that cost a ridiculous six figures. If I have to go to one more wedding where I have to buy my own coca cola I'm going to scream....
You want me to spend my Saturday worshipping you on your wedding day? That's fine. You want a gift as selected by you on the John Lewis list..oh look, the two most expensive things are left. Fine. You want me to only wear pink...er, ok. Now, because you spent £800 hideous jewel encrusted shoes and having two inch nail extentions attached, and £2000 on a faux leather DFS sofa, I have to pay for a measly cola because it is the guests privillege to be invited in the first place? Maybe, if I have to endure this, the least you could do is buy me lunch!
Brides are so narcissistic.*
*not all of them. Just the ones you described!
2007-05-26 14:52:02 · answer #1 · answered by Cherrypink 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Even in this day and age women are brought up to think that if they don't get married then they are a failure. If you don't have the big white wedding and leave yourself in debt then you have somehow failed.
I have been to weddings where the bride has contacted all her guests to inform them what they can and can't wear and also a wedding where the cheapest thing on the gift list was over £30.
People need to reassess their lives and their relationship if they think someone turning up in cream will spoil the wedding.
I understand wanting to feel special. When I got married I wanted a nice dress and my family there, I got both and the cost of the whole wedding was less than £1000. I pledged myself to my husband and my family got a week's holiday. No one was expected to pay for their own drinks, I didn't have a photographer and I still felt special.
I sometimes feel that the women that obsess over the little details in their wedding do so because it means they can ignore the problems in their relationship.
Also so many women look to celebrities and see them getting married within six months and see that as they way forward (personally I have no idea why). The whole idea that a relationship has a timetable you go out for 6mths get married after 2yrs and then you have a child after another year. Women seem to look at that and think what am I doing wrong.
The amount of pressure I got to get married was unbelievable. I was with my hubby for five years before marriage was even seriously discussed and by this point we had been living together and had moved abroad so the relationship was already serious. Now that we are married it has become oh when will we be hearing the patter of tiny feet hmm. It drives me insane let me progress at my pace! It is this pressure that adds to the divorce rate as women rush into a marriage so they aren't left on the shelf and then it is the wedding day that becomes important and not the relationship.
Maybe as a society we should be less judgmental of women who have never married and more supportive of women who say they have never met the right man. At least they aren't making me pay £40 for a cup and saucer, £20 on train fare and £60 on a new hat; for a wedding day that within two years I will have to destroy all momento's of, as the barsteward ran off with the wedding planner!
2007-05-26 20:56:52 · answer #2 · answered by suzi 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that you have a very interesting question here and once I have made my answer I hope that I will remember to reward you with a star!
I will state from experience. It was always my dream to be 'Princess for the day' - and this was (and still is) the way a girl is brought up - even now, there are items on sale for 'princess' - shoes, bags, dolls - and even photo frames. We didn't have that years ago - but the Disney films with Cinderella............!!!
Not all of us mentally live in a real world.
In my first marriage I was already pregnant and my mother insisted that I could not wear a white dress - so I had to accept that I was 'tainted.' In my second marriage I accepted that I already had three children and one grandchild and another on the way - but I was able to find a wonderful dress that made me feel good! This time I did feel like a princess! - and what was wrong with that - because I had really found my very special Prince Charming!
There are some very special things that you have to think about here. The details of the cake, flowers, ribbons - they don't matter! Being the Princess can matter very much to the bride groom! It is a day for both of them.
And really? I think that so many people now just want to get out of the home they will make all arrangements to do so, regardless of cost. It is a society in which we live which has so many divorced parents that their offspring know no better.
The less people commit themselves to marriage the worse it will become - the commitment needs to be made for them to stabilise their relationship.
2007-05-25 23:57:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
FINALLY, someone has asked a real pertinent question that has meaning for everyone. A wedding is a wedding is a wedding. No matter how you doll it up with dresses, and tuxes, and cakes and bridesmaids etc, you say I do, and you're married. But then what? Couples have got to spend much more time on planning their marriage than they do their wedding. A wedding is 1 day. A marriage is supposed to last a lifetime. Anyone who enters into a marriage with a short term goal, rather than a long loving life with a spouse should be kicked! And hard too! If all a girl wants is a baby, go to a sperm bank. If all she wants is money, play the lottery. They need to stop messing up the institution of marriage for those of us who take our vows seriously, and have worked a lifetime to make our marriages work.
2007-05-26 05:39:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have refused to go to weddings I know won't last. It's getting ridiculous. I can't believe that grown adults can't see they have no maturity and haven't even discussed basic life issues with each other. So many girls are just worried about missing out. All their friends are getting married so they want to do the same. I have been married for 18 years because my husband and I took the time to work on the important issues. We didn't have a glamorous wedding but all the guests said it was the most fun they have ever had. Our motto was, "It's okay if everything goes wrong. It's just a day." The point is - have the right perspective on what really matters.
2007-05-26 06:59:59 · answer #5 · answered by Julieann 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think a lot of the problem today is that its so easy to get divorced. My cousin is getting married today and she really doesn't want to anymore but is going through with it because its all set in motion and "once she has the kid, its over." She really doesn't want marriage, she wants a kid but the guy won't have kids without marriage. Why she wants his kid so bad and doesn't want him is beyond me. She wants to center of attention and have the perfect wedding. I think a lot of women plan the perfect wedding and then just expect everything else to be perfect afterward. I always tell brides that it isn't so much the wedding that needs the planning its the marriage. You could get married at the court house with the justice of the peace and it be beautiful... what makes a wedding truly beautiful is when two people so in love become one. I find it sad today that more people will tell me "Just get married. You can always divorce. Its easier to get out of a marriage than a mortgage." SAD... SO SAD!
2007-05-26 03:34:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
That is a really good question. I think that some women just dream about their weddings all their lives and then when it comes they are so wrapped up in their wedding it doesn't matter if they have mr. right. Thats just my thought. The thing about the women not caring about their husband after they get a baby is insane. Thats just wrong. I love my husband to death, and its funny we didn't have a big wedding, we just went to the court house. We have two beautifull children and honestly I feel the same way about him as I did the day I married him. I've been married 5 years. The women you are talking about I feel very sorry for them, love is a great thing when you have the right person!
2007-05-25 23:42:00 · answer #7 · answered by Sweety375 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
These days, people seem to be jumping into marriage without a second thought to the actual marriage. I think the best...rather 'only' thing that we can do is to be there for our friends and give them the best, honest advice we can. Sometimes they do get caught up in their 'princess' moment, and as friends we should try and help them out by reminding them of the reality of marriage: Suggest that they discuss things like raising children and handling money with their soon-to-be spouses, or maybe suggest they get some pre-marital counseling. As for the baby thing, there's a book I've heard about called "Baby-Proofing Your Marriage" which addresses that exact issue. It might be a nice (part of a) wedding gift, come to think of it. Excellent question.
2007-05-25 23:47:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think they're just caught up in the moment, don't want to do the work required for a marriage to work, and just want some poor sap who's going to wait on them hand and foot and put up with their BS... so yea I'm going to agree with you on the whole princess for a day bit.
As far as the baby goes, they probably again, want someone who will put up with their attitude and bitchy BS who won't talk back. What they don't realize is they are warping yet another mind and adding to the ruin of society as a whole by acting this way.
I, however, am not one of those brides. I'm planning my marriage every day and I love my husband to bits. Even IF we do have a baby together that won't change how I feel about him, it's another pair of hands to change diapers with!
2007-05-25 23:35:39 · answer #9 · answered by bostongirl_1981 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
i guess they are excited about getting married and want it to be 'perfect' although nothing is...dont get me wrong i too have been engaged for 2years but we havent planned any details on the wedding at all right now we are working on the relatioship itself getting used to including each other in every detail of our lives moving in together and seeing what it will be like plus we have a kid...we are not planning on anything extravagant or expensive for our wedding because frankly we cant afford it and thats partly why we have been engaged so long...
me and my fiance have been together on andoff for 5 years (on and off in the beginning) and we both are against divorce we want to make sure we are ready before we get married...and the princess for a day thing i understand but thats not what weddings are about!!--its about celebrating your love with family and friends and starting your lives together!
2007-05-26 03:41:59 · answer #10 · answered by leanne 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋