She lives with her dad and has since she was 10 months old. SHe spends time with me every other weekend and any other time that me and my ex husband agree on, sometime in the summer and around the holidays. She tells me she wants to live with me but she knows she can't at this time. She's confused of what to say to me or her dad. She wants to be happy but her dad is filling her head with lies (Proven lies) and now I don't know what to do for her besides love her and spend happy times with her, she needs to know what is going on but I don't think it's fair for her to find out that her dad is full of himself, it will break her heart if she finds out now or in 10 years. She has no clue that her dad is lying and has been but she wants to know what is going on. Either way, what's your opinion what I should do now for her?? If I tell her the truth then it will break her heart and she'll really be confused and hurt and not know what to do, she's only 9. she doesn't deserve this.Opinions?
2007-05-25 23:21:58 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
CALM DOWN PEOPLE!!!!!!!! He's very wealthy as I am not and THAT is why she was better off with him 9 years ago OKAY! CHILL! Her dad talks crap about me TO HER and it scares her and she tells me when he does this and she asks me WHY does he do that. I am not going to tell her, "Oh darling, it's true" because it's NOT but she isn't sure who to say she believes because she loves both of us. She is scared, she's seeing a dr on my ex husbands request, she tells me that she is soooooo scared to tell her dad that she wants to move out of his house because of the crap he says about me. She KNOWS she's much better off with me and she wants that but she also knows it can't happen because she's been with her dad for too long to just pull her out of his house. I won't do that to her because it will confuse her even more. Don't tell me to ACT like an adult.
2007-05-25 23:48:34 · update #1
Just please give me some KIND advise or KIND opinion(S). If you can't do that, please move on to the next question and skip mine. Thanks.
2007-05-25 23:55:23 · update #2
Boy I wish I had some good advice to help you. It sounds to me like the only thing you really can do at this point is be there to support her and listen to her. I don't think that badmouthing her father will serve any purpose other than to confuse and upset her. Your best course of action (I think) would be to just stay quiet and do your best to see her as often as you possibly can. Talk to her about everything. Make sure she knows that no matter what she can come to you with anything and you will talk to her without judgement. It will be a tough few years but as long as she has you to talk to she will get through. Just do whatever you need to to keep contact with her. If you start telling her about her father and she tells him he will likely start making it very hard for you to see her. You don't want that to happen. As long as she's not in danger with him she will be okay. Eventually she will find out the truth but she will also know that she had a mom who was there for her. My 16 year old has just recently learned "the truth" about her father. I never spoke badly of him her entire life even though it killed me to let her spend time with him. This year I felt she was old enough to hear some of the truth and her reaction was to cry FOR ME. She has continued a relationship with him because, as I told her, he is still the person SHE knows. That hasn't changed because she knows some of the person *I* knew. We talk often and she is a happy, well adjusted kid. Yours will be too..
Please email anytime for support! Good luck to you both!
2007-05-26 02:13:55 · answer #1 · answered by Jewels 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There must be a good reason why she is living with her dad and not with you. She is already unhappy with both of you using her as a foil to play against each other. This is unfair to the child, who is an innocent in this matter. Please don't worsen this situation by saying mean things about her father, whether or not they are true. Eventually, the truth will come out, but you admit that it will break her heart at this point. Why in heaven would you want to break your child's heart? You are an adult. Act like one!
2007-05-25 23:37:24 · answer #2 · answered by Elaine P...is for Poetry 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You don't have to tell your daughter that your ex is full of himself. She'll figure it out for herself. Enjoy our time with your daughter. If you want to be with her, don't let money stand in your way. Money alone doesn't make a good home for a child. A loving parent makes a good home for a child. Stay on the "high road" because as your daughter gets older, she'll remember that you were always the honorable one. Good luck to you during these difficult times.
2007-05-26 01:07:55 · answer #3 · answered by la buena bruja 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your time with her needs to be focused on making memories and not centered on the father and who she lives with issues. You stay positive and do not even mention him but listen. You will be the better parent and your daughter is going to love you even more if she finds out the truth one day. Actions speak louder than words, make your precious time count and keep all the negative things away from your child - you will feel better when you let that crap go too! He has nothing to do with your happiness and your relationship with your child SO DON'T LET HIM!
2007-05-25 23:32:58 · answer #4 · answered by Mamma Mia 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Truth is subjective and you're quite biased in your opinion. He may well feel he is telling a truth after all, we all have our own perspectives and they do usually differ. I think you should step back and try to see things from his point of view. I didn't say he is right just to try to look at it from where he is coming from. I don't want you to adopt his opinion just to see that it is different to yours. 10 years is a lot of time to still be bickering over a child, could it be that you need to feel he is lying to try and gain the upper hand because you feel he currently has the upper hand having custody? I think you should investigate your motive in this before doing anything. And most importantly do not degrade the father in front of the child, it will not go well for you I promise. Just try and keep the status quo.
2007-05-25 23:31:50 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
had similar problem with my son. I only said positive things about his dad. there were times I told him Lee, that's just how he is consider the source.when my son was in a lot of trouble in his teens his father lied (again) to him,one day he said to me"Mom, I'm sorry..."i AM SORRY, FOR NOT BELIEVING YOU. i KNOW NOW WHO HAS REALLY ALWAYS LOVE ME AND WHO ALWAYS LIED TO ME"It broke my heart for him to realize this, but I figured the day would come eventually.Just love her and always be there with a positive attitude reassure her daily that she is your life.Let her be the one to tell you about him not the other way around. Is shows more about you in her eyes.they are not dumb and will see the facts when they are mature enough to handle it. Good luck to you both.
2007-05-25 23:36:38 · answer #6 · answered by cheri h 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WHats Facesitting?
2016-05-18 01:21:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are there.....that's all she needs for now. You can't tell her the truth she is too young. When she is older, she will figure it out and understand everything. Enjoy the precious time you get with her.
2007-05-26 01:32:51 · answer #8 · answered by jcampwick 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is subjectting that kid to emotional cruelty by lying about you. I would advise you to ignore that kids curiosity until she grows up. And if you r genuinely hoinest and nice and sweet to her she would not believe what her dad is telling her. I consider dragging kids in us elders **** as the worst from of cruelty.
2007-05-25 23:36:08 · answer #9 · answered by araina_08 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i would say tell her the truth it may break her heart but make sure you tell her in the nicest Wat possible and maybe when you tell her you can tell her of all the good times and good stuff her dad has done to calm her down she will get over it and know the reason why he did this when she is older but she will get a good idea now but not as good
good luck :D
2007-05-26 01:08:11 · answer #10 · answered by ronnie p 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋