What if the girl who dumped you wrote you this?

Question

She wrote me an email last week saying we shouldn't have contact and it was pretty straightforward. Last night I got an email saying that she was thinking about me and apologized for how she broke up with me (she dissappeared on me). Then she said keep me updated on what you are up to. It was a completely different email then I got eight days ago. I was in no contact with her and then I got this...My question is: What is the intent of this email? What does she want? To be friends? To feel better and rid her of her guilt? Should I write back? When and what should I say? I am confused. I want her back but only if she changed and didn't hurt me again, but how do I come across in a way where she knows that what she did was wrong and that I want something better? Need some help here.
She had mentioned that she had bullimia and she was depressed. That's why the relationship ended. Is she just acting like this because of her mental condition? I have no idea what I should do....

Answer 1

I'd say that if she initiates contact, you should respond but don't initiate yourself. Tell her you're sorry it ended this way and that you hope she can find help for her illnesses. You love her/care about her but it's better if you just go your separate ways for awhile. Tell her that the way she handled things hurt very much but you understand, that your'e there for her as a friend.

Change takes a long while, especially with conditions like you're describing. If you're her friend and there for her, maybe that spark will develop again in time, when she's healed. Until then, I would protect yourself and keep your respectful distance.

Answer 2

How many times have she done this? It would probably go like some rubber band relationship thingy, but hey if you love her that much and you're willing to give her another second chance, it would be okay.

Straightforward is always good. So if you should decide to write her back, be straighforward to. Tell her how you feel, that you are confused, and that maybe you'll need some kind of time or reassurance about her intentions for you to trust her again (because clearly, you have doubts about her now).

But IF you were me, I'd say no to her. If she has bullimia and she is depressed then a relationship will never work, one of you will always go on hurting. What you can do, though, is be there for her, not as a boyfriend but just as a devoted friend, and if she clears herself of her illness and depression, then you can start anew with a relationship.

Answer 3

Bulimia really messes people up. She might have been affected by that. But the thing you have to realize is that the second e-mail did not ask you to take her back. She still doesn't want to go out with you. I'm guessing she was upset that you let her go so easily and is just trying to provoke a reply from you. I would suggest you don't reply to this message. If you get another message in a few days asking why you haven't replied just tell her that there wasn't any news to convey and leave it at that. If she's just trying to make you grovel she'll start putting pressure on you for some contact without ever actually committing to a new relationship.

Answer 4

It would be up to u. But she doesn't really say she wants to get back together with u so u might end up setting urself up for more heartache. It seems she had time to think things over and knows how she broke up with u was not nice. So she may just be trying to ease her guilt. I would say if u cant just offer friendship at the beginning then maybe u should just cut all ties. im not saying that u couldn't end up getting back together but she may not want a boyfriend. She might just want a friend. Don't get ur hopes up. u shouldn't allow anyone to treat u like this regardless of what they r going through. If u don't look out for yourself then who will. Good luck.

Answer 5

She needs counciling. I don't mean to sound harsh or anything by it, but depression AND bullemia. Seriously, these are very serious conditions. She is either making that up as an excuse, for pity, or for some other reason. Maybe she isn't making it up. In that case, she is sending you a red flag buddy. Accept the signal and help her get help immediately. Talk to her parents, talk to anyone that you trust and get her help. If you care for her, like you sound like you do, go for it and help her. She will appreciate it one day. Do email her back and ask her- in a VERY polite, nice, understanding way- what's the deal, or what's wrong. I guarentee that if she trusts you and you trust her, you are going to need to pick up a load of her baggage that she admits to you. Help her carry the burden and get some more help. Please, be sure to be careful, and don't toy with her emotions.
I truely hope it helps,
Mar

Answer 6

Hopefully she is getting mental help. Usually the loved ones are included with treatment of this problem. Normally, I would say, leave her but in this circumstance I say, hold on. Let her know that you are there for her. Ask her if she just wants you to wait for her. Tell her that if she does want you to wait that she must show some feelings to you. Read up on this disease and if possible, talk to her shrink and doctor. You would have to ask her to take you to a couple appointments but it would give you both understanding that the both of you need today.

Answer 7

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is defined within the fields of psychiatry and clinical psychology as a mental condition characterized primarily by emotional dysregulation, extreme "black and white" thinking, or "splitting" (believing that something is one of only two possible things, and ignoring any possible "in-betweens"), and chaotic relationships. It is described by mental health professionals as a serious mental illness characterized by pervasive instability in mood, interpersonal relationships, self-image, identity, and behavior, as well as a disturbance in the individual's sense of self. In extreme cases, this disturbance in the sense of self can lead to periods of dissociation.

The disturbances suffered by those with borderline personality disorder have a wide-ranging and pervasive negative impact on many or all of the psychosocial facets of life, including employability and relationships in work, home, and social settings.

Co-morbidity
Co-morbid (co-occurring) conditions in BPD are common. When comparing individuals diagnosed with BPD to those diagnosed with other kinds of personality disorders, the former showed a higher rate of also meeting criteria for:[26]

anxiety disorders
mood disorders (including clinical depression and bipolar disorder)
eating disorders (including anorexia nervosa and bulimia)
and, to a lesser extent, somatoform disorders
Substance abuse is a common problem in BPD, whether due to impulsivity or as a coping mechanism, and 50% to 70% of psychiatric inpatients with BPD have been found to meet criteria for a substance use disorder.[27]

Answer 8

Remember in life you give people only a second chance and not a third one, if you really love her i say go for it, if she is really sure that the reason she dumped you was because of her state of mind, and i think you should stand by her until she gets better, but don't let her take advantage of how you feel about her
good luck

Answer 9

listen these are grounds you shouldnt walk on. she has alot of issues you just cant handle. i no you care for her but this relationship will run you down. this poor girl has severe problems and you yourselve can not change them. only a doctor can. this could screw up your life. if you get depressed over her problems, which you would because you would feel hopeless, you dont no where that could take you. depression can change a persons life. i no. it took me places i never imagined. i grateful today to be alive.

Answer 10

this is what u call mood swings...all girls have it, some worse than others...trust ur feelings...if u really love her, take her back...but most likely, it will happen again...there are just some things you cannot change...so if ur cool with how she is, then get back with her...but if ur not prepared for a roller coaster ride, then u might have to look elsewhere...good luck and stay cool.