I'm 17 (male) and have been "hanging out" with this girl for months, having now blindly taken a step toward dating. I say "blindly" because I like her and all, but I'm not physically attracted to her. But she is head over heels for me! She wants to hold hands, kiss, make lots of bodily contact, while I just enjoy her company and making her happy, but not feeling any passion for her. Yet I keep relenting and basically leading her on into getting what she wants, while all I would rather do is just be friends.
Now at the same time, there is another girl I met this year to whom I am extremely attracted, and dream of dating. She seems to be interested in me, and I want to pursue her, but am afraid of hurting the girl who likes me. On top of this, the girl I'm currently "with" really looks down on the girl I like, and I know she would be crushed if I ditched her for the girl that I have the hots for.
I'm torn between the girl that I like and the girl that I want to love. Any advice
2007-05-25 20:27:03 · 12 answers · asked by Justin M 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
+ a question mark after "advice".
Some background info:
The girl who is currently "with" me had been interested in me for over a year, and initiated our relationship, which started as a casual friendship long before it turned into a dating one. She always wants to hold my hand (although not at school), and I can't bring myself to say no. Those who have seen us walking together assume we're dating. And I go to great lengths to avoid painting that picture. I want to stay "just friends". But tonight, we were both at a party and ended up holding hands and exchanging goodbye kisses. I actually initiated the kisses, knowing that if I didn't, she would. And that just gets embarassing. Plus, when I don't kiss her like she knows I know she wants, her mood darkens the next time I see her. I swear, I need to grow up and tell her how I feel. But I feel so obligated to her, and I have also befriended her family. I'm afriad a "friends only" barrier will ruin the friendship we already share.
2007-05-25 20:36:18 · update #1
Ok... First rule of complicated romantic situations is someone will ALWAYS get hurt.
The trick is to ensure that that someone is not you.
Generic advice aside, down to specifics. You really need to be honest with the girl you just like as a friend. Spell out the situation and make sure she understands.
I won't lie to you, once she knows how you really feel, she may well not want to hang around you anymore, but that is her call. She deserves to know the truth, and you deserve to be free to persue the relationship you want.
Naturally, regarding any advice, consider the source. I am in no way qualified to advise on relationships, the above just seems to make sense given your situation.
Best of luck, and however it turns out, don't be too hard on yourself. We're all of us only human.
2007-05-25 20:45:00 · answer #1 · answered by dashael 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are 17. You should go for the girl you want to love and not waste your time with someone who you don't actually have feelings for.
Were you older I'd question whether that's a good idea or not, but at 17 you should be focussed on going after anyone you're into (trying not to break hearts, of course -- and it sounds like unfortunately you'll have to break a heart here). The best thing about being your age is that you have all the time in the world to screw up with limited consequence.
2007-05-25 20:30:49 · answer #2 · answered by Ginseng 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, first of all girl number 1 needs to realise that you're just hanging out with her. If she doesn't get the vibe, you should just tell her how you feel, even though it would make her feel hurt.
She might feel devastated when you ask the other chic out but she'll eventually get over it.
Your decision depends on how bad you want this other chick to go out with you and what you would do to make girl number 1 understand that she's not the one for you.
Besides your relationship with her is now being built on complete fallacy! Stop giving her hopes like that!
Dude, get a hold of yourself... Where's your self control?
2007-05-25 20:36:43 · answer #3 · answered by Vish 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are already hurting the girl that is into you so just dump her. Unless it is really necessary that you have to date this other girl, I wouldnt date the other chick after breaking up with the other chick or I would at least be honest with the chick that has the hots for you.
My dude had the same problem and I was the one he liked hangn with but not attracked to and he was attracted to one I really did not care for. His feelings ended up exploring the other chick he had the hots for, in the long run. SO he couldnt fight the real feelings he had and in return this hurt me. What would of helped is that he would of been honest with me about how he felt or would of dumped me in the begining of the realtionship and just ignored me so I could heal and move on.
2007-05-25 20:31:04 · answer #4 · answered by beachgirl90 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should tell the girl you are with the truth. Why lead her on? You have already hurt her, because sooner or later she will find out how you really feel about her. Don't keep leading her on when you don't feel the same way for her as she does you. How selfish can you be? Don't let another day go by with out telling her the truth.
2007-05-25 20:36:21 · answer #5 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you see the first girl as just a friend. a relationship entails being attracted to them AND wanting their company and to make them happy. if you feel no passion, you are only hurting her more by staying the dating limbo with her.
it is perfectly fine to be friends with a girl, and not be dating.
you will end up hurting her alot more if you drag her along and allow her to develop deeper feelings when you clearly do not feel the same way.
so sit her down and have a talk with her, you want to be happy in relationship, and so does she, let her go so that you can find love, and so that she can find the love she deserves from someone who will actually be able to give it to her
2007-05-25 20:32:51 · answer #6 · answered by Gi J 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Consider doing the mature thing, and telling the girl you are not ready for an exclusive relationship and need to date other girls. You may even mention, that you need to experience life more before getting into a committed relationship. You don't want to her feelings, but she needs to know where you stand. Being honest in a friendship relationship is just as important as in a marriage relationship.
It is your life and need to choices that help you grow.
I wish you the best.
2007-05-25 20:37:29 · answer #7 · answered by oldcorps1947 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try and get a stable relationship with Adam. Brian sounds like he doesn't get many women and he's scared to move on even though it would probably be the best thing for him because he needs to learn how to meet other people. You sound like you enjoy having Brian around because he's nice, but if you don't think you'll marry him, just tell him to try and move on. Try and get Adam to be more reliable and stick with him.
2016-04-01 08:59:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The longer you lead the girl on that you just want to be friends with, the more it will hurt. Tell her the truth and see what happens with the girl you are interested in. The first girl will probably be a bit hurt, but at least she'll have to respect you for your honesty.
2007-05-25 20:31:49 · answer #9 · answered by been_there_done_that 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Cut down on your "dates" with that girl. Stick with the guys when everyone is around. And you can meet up with your real girl, prob u can't be too open about it at first.
2007-05-25 20:40:50 · answer #10 · answered by layna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋