my wife has this ex that she says was really horrible to her and she claimed to hate him. about 6 months before we married i found a text message from him saved to her phone from him saying basically that he will always love her. it was the only message she had saved. i have some serious trust issues and she knows this and i almost left her over it. she said she was stupid and that he was moving away. she swore to me that he would be out of our lives for good and begged me to forgive her. she even changed her phone #. i recently found her myspace page(that she neglected to tell me about) and discovered that they have been talking back and forth again and he has even been to her work. I feel very betrayed and even though it seems extreme to someone outside the situation im considering ending our relationship. i have lost trust in her completely and have become obsessed with wondering what else she could be hiding from me. advise please!!!
2007-05-25 19:38:31 · 13 answers · asked by speedy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You shouldn't stay in a relationship that lacks trust.
Have a serious discussion with her about what you expect out of the relationship. If you expect her to not talk to her ex, that is not going to happen. Very rarely is a person able to stop being friends with someone just because their significant other wants them to. It sounds like she is definitely hiding this from you. Are you overly angry towards her when discussing her ex? She might feel ashamed that she still somewhat likes this other guy. That is natural, as people have the capacity of liking many different people for various reasons.
The fact is, she broke your trust.
If you seriously CANNOT trust her anymore it is TIME to LEAVE.
2007-05-25 19:46:21 · answer #1 · answered by Cruisin'=^_^=Cat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well 1st of all u shouldn't b going thru her things if that's how ur "finding" this stuff out! cuz look what happened u got some dirt! but then again y would she save a text from her ex if he really was "horrible 2 her"? and y would she b communicating with him on her myspace page(that she failed 2 clue u in on)? it makes no sense there's definitely something going on with her ex that she doesn't want u to know about! ur her husband but she is doing things behind ur back? that doesn't sound right! i could c if she had a myspace page 4 fun that didn't include him but the fact that it does & she didn't tell u well that lessens the trust between u 2 & she has her li'l secret thing/bond with the ex! u have every right 2 confront or just c if u can bring it up- test her like if she doesn't know that u know about her myspace page, ask her if she goes on it or has ever heard of it- then see what she says u'll have a clue to the puzzle right there! cuz even if she's not doing anything physical with him it definitely seems to b an emotional affair which left unchecked will damage ur relationship with her especially the intimacy & bond which she still seems to have going with him! she probably told u he was horrible 2 her cuz maybe he was but now that she has u he sees what he lost & is acting like the man she wanted when they were together! so she's probably torn- she doesn't wanna hurt u but she likes how her ex is behaving towards her now, so call her on it b4 it goes any further- i hope this helps!!
2007-05-26 03:01:29 · answer #2 · answered by bonbontaj007 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is infidelity. She is cheating on you. Even if she hasn't touched the guy, she is committing emotional infidelity. There is a wealth of info on the internet about it, just go to 'online infidelity'. Read all about it. You are right to feel betrayed, because you are being betrayed. She has no business talking to him and especially hiding it, when she is your wife. The trust is broken, you already know it, you just need some one to confirm it. Private investigators can help too and there is spyware you can get for the computer, that is if you need more proof than you already have. You will have to accept the ugly truth sooner or later. The sooner means less suffering.
2007-05-26 03:07:59 · answer #3 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have good enough reasons to feel the way you do about your wife. She is obviously still very much in touch with her ex and somewhat still harbours that warm fuzzy feeling towards him. Getting hasty and invading her privacy more would only make her more secretive (I did it to my ex husband). You could try talking to her when she is in a better mood. If you had prove, show it to her, but don't try to be "smart". She'd get defensive and it would only escalate into a full on row. If you really find it hard to trust her again after a while, then you most probably should think about moving on. You can't live your life like that. It will eat you up inside.
2007-05-26 02:48:46 · answer #4 · answered by like-it 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it certainly sounds like he is not out of her life despite what she tells you. A bit deceiving here, she seems, and trust is a difficult thing to regain. What I think you have to ask yourself is if this relationship brings you more joy than pain? Perhaps you don't need to end the relationship completely, but just give it some "time off" until she can decide where she really wants to be, and with whom. By the time she does decide this, you might just find that you are farther down the road and are liking the scenery without her. Good luck, my friend.
2007-05-26 02:46:21 · answer #5 · answered by idabearheart 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should divorce her, if there are no children. The telephone is nothing, but she knows how you feel and this is going on behind your back! You should make a copy of the MySpace page and print it twice as well and store it somewhere she cannot get at it. You should give her a copy of it and ask her to explain it. If her explanation is not satisfactory, end it!
2007-05-26 02:52:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A marriage is built on trust, which you do not have through no fault of yours..try marriage counseling before you opt for divorce
2007-05-26 02:52:30 · answer #7 · answered by jst4pat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first i wanna say that im sry this is happening to you. you know at first before i read the end i thought maybe she was just holding on because maybe they were best friends before. but i think maybe you do have something to worry about. but just talking it over with her might be something worth wile(sp?) maybe even counsiling. if not then try being extra kind and nurturing and giving to her. maybe visit her at work and give her a little afternoon pick-me-up (wink wink nudge nudge) i dunno, things that could make her forget about him. if that doesnt work. then try the counsiling thing.
good luck! :)
2007-05-26 02:46:46 · answer #8 · answered by hey buddy! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if it were me i would leave her she has obvisioly lied to you on several occasions and i dont believe i could trust someone that would do that. But its your call. I believe that ifyou have no trust in someone it is very hard to get back.
Good Luck
2007-05-26 02:48:41 · answer #9 · answered by Robin M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An old text message is one thing, but that other stuff you said would be the deal breaker for me definately.
2007-05-26 02:45:13 · answer #10 · answered by Brad815 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋