When you're in a relationship with someone, what do you do....?

Question

....when you want to ask that someone in an appropriate way that you want proof that they are HIV / STD free without seeming rude / stuck up? When do you ask them about their sexual history when you want to take the relationship to the next level? Is this something that i should ask them in the beginning of the relationship? What do other people do in their relationships? I know that I'm obviously supposed to trust the other person before I decide to sleep with them, but they might not know they have something or it's been a long time since the last time they've been tested; i just don't want to offend anyone. Do newly wedded couples do the same thing? I'm not in a relationship right now, but I was just curious just in case I get a summer fling or get into a long term relationship or something. THIS IS A SERIOUS QUESTION!! PLEASE NO BULLSH*T ANSWERS. THANK YOU!!

I almost forgot to mention: if the person says that they are free of anything, but you just WANT TO SEE in BLACK AND WHITE the words saying that this is true, how do I ask? What is this kind of paper called? Better to be safe than sorry!

Answer 1

I wouldnt ask them right away at first, but if you see things are kinda getting more sexual, ask because they may be wanting to ask you the same thing. With everything going on these days it is the smartest thing to do. If they dont respect you and your health then they probably werent good enough anyways. I wouldnt wait until the last second when things are just heating up to ask. Ask during a time when you both are relaxing or something.

Answer 2

In todays world anyone who would be insulted or offended should in my opinion, be suspected. I would not think you would need to ask on a first date unless you are really promiscuous, no offense meant. But if you are ready to go to the next level and you feel that your partner is too don't be shy-ask. Be matter of fact, and present it in such a way that the idea of your partner's health is important to you because you care about their health. Handled this way they are more inclined to reciprocate. If you have been tested show them your results. Ask if they have been tested recently. No summer fling is worth taking the chance on your life. And most people who are considering a long term relationship, yes even marriage are happy to be tested. My daughter and her husband were before they were married. It was one way of being sure both of them were healthy and it was a loving gesture. On the other side of the coin if a partner has not been tested or has a previous sexual history with multiple partners than don't hesitate to insist on protection. Remember condoms and spermicide is your best bet besides abstinence. If you are a female and your partner insists on going "bareback or not at all" run. You take the double chance of disease and an unwanted pregnancy. One other way to make sure is to keep control of you r faculties at all times. Alcohol is one sure way to lose control and not be as vigilant as you should. Here are some simple rules : Don't be afraid to ask. Watch your alcohol consumption. Always have protection on you at all times (don't rely on your partner, they may have another agenda in mind). If it makes you uncomfortable either the answer to the question or the situation in general, it never hurts to wait til another time. Just walk away. No potential relationship is worth your life. Trust your instincs. If it doesn't feel right to you then don't do it. Good Luck finding that special someone. Hope this advice helps. By the way this is the advice i gave my three kids.

Answer 3

Good question. This came up to me recently when my condom slipped off while in there. I freaked out and let it go for the evening. Later on I called her and straight out asked her to take an HIV test. I did too. It is important because you are having sex with everyone he's had sex with before. A conversation about this subject is important even if it's not about both of you you're talking about and it only lasts less than a minute. What's important is that you two are aware that you're putting each other at risk. It is both your responsibility to know each other's history, in a health conscious manner. If you're seriously considering having sex with this person, the time to start talking about it is now. And if he thinks you're stuck up or rude, then he's not mature enough or smart enough not appreciate your apprehensiveness when trying to do things right.

Answer 4

You a very smart young lady. I think you have to ask the person in the beginning of a relationship. Not necessarily on the very first date, but soon if you feel there is a mutual attraction that could be going to that next level.

Yes, you should trust the person you are intimate with, but you have to cautious and you are absolutely right in assuming a trustworthy person (I really don't think that there are that many around these days.) but not even be aware that they have a sexually transmitted disease.

But, before you even think about having sex, make sure you have birth control pills or some other equally effective method to prevent pregnancy and make certain that your partner always were a condom to prevent sexually transmitted diseases.

To be honest, I'm not sure how many people actually have their potential sexual partners tested for all of the diseases out there or how frequently a person would have to be tested and bring their lab results with them to prove they are disease-free, BUT, REMEMBER, IT ONLY TAKES ONE TIME WITH ONE PERSON TO PUT YOU AT RISK. Don't worry about offending anyone. Would you be offended if you were asked?

Answer 5

That's a reasonable thing to do! I believe that if the guy cares about you and has nothing to hide, he wouldn't mind taking an HIV/STD test. When you are already feeling sexual tensions with your man, ask him if he is willing to take the test together. That way, you can show him that you are safe too, and that he should take no offense in your request. It's for both your benefit.

Answer 6

Asking someone about their sexual history is NOT rude or stuck-up. You need to erase that mindset. You're looking out for your well-being, and you have every right to do so. There's nothing presumptuous about that.

When things start to get heated in a relationship I'm in, I make sure to bring it up (if he hasn't already) before we get more physically intimate. None of the men I've been with ever thought it was strange or rude that I asked; they also wanted to know my history.

Of course, married couples should discuss their sexual histories long before marrying --- or more specifically, before becoming sexually active with each other.

Trust and honesty form the foundation to a relationship that is romantic, sexual and/or emotional in nature. Never settle for less.

Answer 7

If things get close to "going there," just bring it up and ask directly. Say "before we take things to that level, we both should talk about testing. In today's day and age we'd be crazy not to get tested." If he's a smart, nice, normal person, he'll agree. If he gets offended that means he is hiding something - RUN RUN RUN.

DONT compromise your health. It's not worth it. And never take someone's word for it either.... Until you have those papers in your hand to prove it, DONT go there!

Answer 8

The test results don't last forever and if I'm correct, I don't think that just one test can be absolutely certain. If you are in a serious relationship & you need it to feel secure, you should be able to openly discuss this with your partner. Both of you get it done. What happens down the line if you have an argument & accuse infidelity? Are you gonna get another test?

Answer 9

If you think you might sleep with someone be honest with your questions and your concerns and offer to go get tested together. My biggest advice would be to stick with what you believe in because if someone gives you the run around about being afraid of needles (the excuse you will most likely get) they are telling you that they are not concerned with your health they just want to sleep with you. You can ask someone their history but they will lie or not tell you the whole truth.

Answer 10

Gee. I'd say you should ask them BEFORE you have sex. And that could be the first date or the 100th depending on your timing.

Rude? Stuck up? Hey honey, I would rather have someone think I was RUDE then have someone make me DEAD.
And if they refuse to talk about it or to show you their card saying they have a clean bill of health- RUN away.

ONly people who are questionable would refuse to tell you their health status and in 2007, EVERYONE should be prepared to have an HIV test.
Get one every six months!!!