who knows an good jokes?

Question

well umm you can just tell me the joke you know. and well see if i like it! leave ur name so i can tell you if i like it or not.

Answer 1

I heard this in a court.
Q: Doctor, before you signed the death certificate, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you signed the certificate?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. But now that you mention it, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Answer 2

Yo Mamma's teeth are so yellow that when she smiles she slows down traffic.

50 naked men running in a circle, One Man Stopped

3 guys die and go to heaven and Peter asks how'd they died,
the first man said I was coming home from a business trip and found my wife naked in the bed so i searched around till i saw some fingers on the balcony, got my hammer and smashed them he fell but survieved so I through my fridge at him i felt so bad that i killed myself.
The second man said i was painting on the 8th balcony and fell, then some jerk smash my fingerz with a hammer, i fell and broke my legs and then he through a fridge at me.
The third guy said "I was hiding inoccently in a fridge".

A Blonde and a Brunette are watching the news and the Brunette says "I bet you $50 that that man jumps off the bridge" and the Blonde accepted it. Then the man jumped the Blonde handed over the $50 and then the Brunette said "I'm sorry but i cannot take this money because i wayched the 5 o'clock news and saw him jump"
Then the Blonde replied "Yes you can because i watched the 5 o'clock news to but i didn't think he'd jump again.

Rape isn't forced sex its sex you didn't know you wanted.

Commiting suicide is like saying God you can't fire me i quit!

2 guys are in a forest the see a bear and one of the guys starts pulling out some nikes out of his backpack. Then the other guy said
"Hey what the hell are you doin you can't out run a bear"
and he replied "I know but i don't need to out run the bear i just go to out run you"!

Same 2 guys but now they had come across a snake and it bit one of them on the butt, so the other one said he'd go find a doctor. He ran to the nearest village, but the only doctor there was delivering a baby so he told the he needed to cut an "X" were the snake bit him and suck the poison out with your mouth, so he ran back and the victim asked.
"So what did the doctor say?"
"He said that your going to die"!

Answer 3

An old priest got sick of everyone in his parish confessing adultery.
During one Sunday's sermon he told them, "If one more person confesses to adultery, I'll quit!"

Since everyone liked him, they decided to use a code word: "fallen."
From then on, anyone who had committed adultery said they had "fallen."

This satisfied the old priest and the parishioners, and everything was fine for years, until finally the old priest passed away at the ripe old age of 93.

Shortly after the new young priest settled in, he paid a call on the mayor. The priest was quite concerned. "You have to do something about the sidewalks in this town, Mayor. You can't believe how many people come into the confessional talking about having fallen!"

The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had explained their code word to the new priest.

But before the mayor could explain, the priest shook his finger at the mayor and said -
"I don't know why you're laughing; your wife fell three times last week!"


-meg

Answer 4

A woman walks into a doctor's office and said, "Doctor, I don't know what's wrong with me! I woke up this morning and when I looked in the mirror, I saw these huge bags under my eyes, my face is full of wrinkles, my hair is in a terrible condition, and I look like I've gained ten pounds!"

The doctor says, "Well, at least your vision seems to be normal."

Answer 5

When a senior citizen says he's having an affair, his friends ask him if it is being catered. Sorry the shortest one I could think of.

Answer 6

well i kno "yo mamma" jokes

yo momma's so old she has an autographed copy of the Bible

yo mommas so fat she has more chins then an asian phone book

or how about this one: yo mommas so fat she puts mayonase on her cough drops

-cat

Answer 7

please give some time but maybe its worth it
http://in.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AulPl9BgcvNWw9JtRl1WKpCQHQx.?qid=20070525075726AAbHgAk
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