Can anyone help with my very serious & sticky pregnancy situation?

Question

Ok maybe if I just give you guys the facts you can put it together and give me the best advice possible. Here are the facts:
- I got a girl pregnant.
- She does not want it.
- She will not have an abortion
- As of now she wants to give it up for adoption.
- This girl just graduated college this past semester, and is planning to go to graduate school.
- We are not girlfriend/boyfriend, but are in a monogomous dating situaion. It seems like it is moving in the direction of a real relationship.
- I like this girl and view her as "marriage material".
- I am not yet sure exactly what she thinks of me "long term" but things are going well right now.
- I WANT TO RAISE THIS CHILD!!!!!!!
- I would raise the kid even if it means having full single custody
- I told her the above two facts, and she still seems very reluctant.

So what should I do and what are my legal options. I REALLY hope that it does not have to come to that, but I can't let this kid go. Please help!!!

Oh yeah I forgot to add that she is already 4 months pregnant. Does this mean that she could have already started the adoption process?

Answer 1

She can't legally give the baby up for adoption if you are willing to care for it. Get a paternity test done and talk to a lawyer asap. It is wonderful you are taking responsibility for your actions in a mature way.

Answer 2

Although you can't prevent her from having an abortion, you CAN prevent her from giving your child up to another couple for adoption. That is YOUR child, as much as her's, as soon as it's born!

You'll have to establish that you are, indeed, the biological father; this can, if necessary, be done through an amniocentisis, during a specific part of her pregnancy. But, you'd need a court order for that, and a lot of judges would probably be leary of granting that without very good cause (there is some risk of miscarriage associated with the procedure.) After the baby's born, it's not hard to get done: a cheek swab from all three of you is all that's required. This is, of course, assuming that she doesn't actually name you, which she might be unwilling to do; if you're present at birth, you can simply sign an affidavit of paternity, and skip through all the rest.

A mother, if there is a father living, cannot simply place a child for adoption, unless his parental rights have been terminated. I've even heard of cases where a father wasn't informed for several years, and was actually able to claim the child from the adoptive parents; he hadn't abandoned his child, he just wasn't aware of them, so couldn't establish his rights.

Be aware, if you DO end up having to go to court and fight her, or even if you reach an amicable agreement where you take the child as a single father, you will probably not be in the position to continue the relationship you have; marrying her may no longer be an option.

Good luck . . .

Answer 3

She can't give the child up for adoption with out you giving up your parental rights. You could take it to court and fight it, tell the adoption agency that you do not agree with it and want to raise the child. Have them do a paternity test at the hospital to prove it's yours (not because you have any question, but for proof in any future situation). Talk to a lawyer and talk to her some more. Tell her how you feel about her and that you would one day want to be in a much more serious relationship. That way even if she doesn't want to take care of the child, she can still be it's mom when she does decide that she wants to be there. She may not be thrilled about the idea of having a child right now, but once she gets further along in the pregnancy and actually has the baby and holds it for the first time, she'll change her mind.

Answer 4

As father, you have legal rights to this child. Why won't she just adopt it to you? She can sign over parental rights and the baby will be all yours and she will have no obligation to it at all. I would definitely try to contact someone about this. Maybe you can just ask her straight out if she would be willing to sign the child over to you.

As for a future relationship, I wouldn't count on it. If she wants nothing to do with the baby and you do.....and you take the baby, she probably won't want to see you again. Good luck. Look into this ASAP so that everything will be in order when the baby comes. Just make sure this is what you really want to do. Being a single parent is a very hard thing.

Answer 5

All you really have to do is refuse to sign the adoption papers. As the father, you have that right. She cannot give it away without your signature. First off, make sure you stay in her life as much as possible until she has the baby. If she truly doesn't want the baby, step up and tell her you will take the baby to raise. If she wants to terminate her rights, get your lawyer to draw up a paper in advance, and hand it to her after the birth. Have the baby discharged to you. Do not try to use the baby to get her to stick around. If she does find some way to get around the fact and adopts, you can sue her for a paternity test and you can also get a temp. court order to stop the adoption. Good Luck. It is nice to see a guy that is willing to stand up and take responsibility for his creation.

Answer 6

oh, this does sound sticky!!
first of all, you must know that at conception a womens hormones change so dramatically which cause odd emotional outbursts, etc. i think your girl just is very upset because she had a future all planned out. she had one for a long time, and now it is as planned. i think it is great that you want the baby(personally i could never, ever give up a child)
legally, if she still wants to give it up after birth, you have parental rights to the child,but you would have to have a paternity test. i dont think she will if you make your intentions clear, meaning you will stay by her and help. just wait to talk to her until she is at least 5 or 6 months along! it takes a while to sink in that there is a person in you, and your life will never be the same. good luck
ps do her parents know??sometimes they can be helpful if or hurtful

Answer 7

Okay if she is not going to get an abortion and she wants to give the baby up for adoption then you should be able to fight for custody of the baby. You have a right to have the baby if she doesn't want the child. Get a paternity test ASAP prove you are the father. Then when she tries to give the baby up you should be able to fight for the baby because you want the child and she doesn't.

Answer 8

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Answer 9

The crappy truth of it is you have no legal options. Except maybe if she puts the baby up for adoption you would get first dibbs since you are the father. But she may deny that. Men really don't seem to have any rights in these situations a friend of mine got a girl pregnant and she aborted he was crushed. Are you sure you would be prepared to raise a baby alone. I have 3 its alot of work. good luck.

Answer 10

Technically, you would have to sign away your parental rights to place the baby for adoption just like she would. However, there are some states that have adoption laws that make it much easier for the mother to claim that the father is unknown, thus circumventing the need for paternal permission for adoptions (Utah is fairly infamous for this practice). So I would recommend that you not allow her to disappear in a way in which you would be unable to contact her near the end of her pregnancy.