I am an only child and I hated it. So I always swore I'd have more then one. I just found out I'm pregnant with my second child and I am really excited. But at the same time I am so scared that I will love one child more than the other. My daughter is 16 months and I love her so much. I am terrified that once I have the new baby it will take away from my daughter. I'm sure I being ridiculous, but I can't help it. Did anyone else feel this way?
2007-05-25 17:13:47 · 15 answers · asked by Libby L 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
After I had my five-year-old, I wondered how it was possible to ever love someone else that much. I literally had pain in my chest when I thought about how much I loved her. I even called my mother up one day, crying, asking her how she could have had four of us, and still had any room in her heart. She told me, "You just do. Your heart grows with each one, and MAKES room." It still didn't make much sense. But, I always knew I wanted more than one . . .
When my daughter was a little over 2 1/2, I found out I was pregnant again. I didn't know how I'd ever find the time or the room to love the new baby as much as I did her! She was my entire world; every other thought I had was about her, and every other word out of my mouth. The funny thing was, after I delivered my second daughter, while I was holding her little minutes-old self in my arms, my oldest walked in the door of the delivery room. I was, literally, in shock after my delivery, and still not quite rational. I looked at my little girl standing there, and, even though I was holding my baby girl in my arms, my only thought was, "There's my daughter! My daughter's here!" And my heart leapt.
Because of the shock, and the very hard delivery (I had three hours of back labor, followed by a three minute delivery . . . a day and a half before I expected to be induced; everything happened so fast, it was nearly surreal), it took me a little while to actually get in touch with my feelings for my new baby (and I mean that literally; I knew, intellectually, that I loved my baby, but I couldn't actually FEEL the emotion at all, no matter how much I tried!), but as soon as I did, there was no difference between the amount of love I felt for my firstborn and my younger daughter.
Now, my "baby" is two years old. Like her sister, she's the light of my life. Because her sister is in kindergarten, and I share custody of her, I tend to cling more to my younger child than I ever did to my oldest! But, both of them are my angels. And now, I'm having to find more room, since I'm due in July with my third daughter! Already, my feelings are strong for this baby, but completely different than anything I felt for the other two while I carried them. I don't worry anymore about loving any of them enough, or more than the others . . . Now, my only worry is, as different as the first two are from each other, what am I in for with this one?!
When you hold your new baby, you'll know how you can love them both, without losing anything. It'll just happen . . . And you'll love them both for completely different things: one's love of art, the other's talent for making you laugh, for instance; the curls on one, the other's ready smile. There will always be something about the one that you love more than the other, but it'll end up balancing out; but they're all just aspects of the whole, and you'll love both of their wholes equally.
2007-05-25 17:33:04 · answer #1 · answered by pernrider480 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
my daughter is 14 months and i'm 6 months pregnant with my second. i too grew up as an only child so i'm really happy my daughter will have a companion to grow up with. all mothers feel the way you're feeling regarding their second child. having this child will not take away from your first child, if anything, it'll make everyone closer. you have all the love in the world to give to both your children and that will never change no matter how many kids you have.
2007-05-25 17:40:18 · answer #2 · answered by 6468 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That worried me for a little while too, especially because my son was full on in his terrible twos when my sweet daughter was born. But in spite of that, it turns out I really do love them equally. It's similar in a lot of ways but also different, because they are very different.
But it is definitely equal. My little boy running over to me saying, "My Mommy's here!" will make me smile just as fast as my baby girl smiling and cooing at me when she sees me.
I think it's sweet that you're worried. It shows how much you love your first.
A few tips:
- to avoid your first feeling neglected or pushed aside, always (and ask the other adults to do this also) greet the oldest first, with warmth and affection, before turning to the baby. It takes restraint, but if everyone does this, the first will not feel overlooked or undervalued.
- Always have a little gift or cheap toy to give to the oldest when the baby gets a present.
- Get some books on being a big sister and read them together to help her prepare. You could even have a 'big sister' party.
- And after the baby's born, no matter how tired you are, always spend at least 15 mins every day with just the oldest. You know how babies sleep a lot, it shouldn't be too hard.
Good luck! Congratulations!
2007-05-25 17:27:13 · answer #3 · answered by KC 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What you're feeling is pretty normal. I kinda wondered the same thing before my 2nd was born. And, to be honest, there was an adjustment period for me. It took me a few weeks to adjust to having two. I think I was battling the baby blues and I had a hard time at first. Any time I was short with my daughter or frustrated with her for any reason I would feel resentment towards my son. :( It was really sad and I felt like it kinda prevented me from bonding strongly with him at first. But he's 9 months old now and my daughter is 3.5 years old and I can tell you... I love them BOTH so incredibly much. It's amazing... it's like, when you give birth to your second child you're also giving birth to a whole new way to love. :)
Best of luck!
2007-05-25 20:08:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think certain fears are only natural. Having two is SO much different that having only one. Its more than double the work. Its definitely worth it though. its natural to wonder about what you will and wont be able to give your daughter once the second child arrives. Just remember that giving her a sibling is a good thing for her.
My daughter was 18 months old when I found out I was pregnant with my second. I wouldn't change it for anything.
2007-05-25 17:18:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have 2 children....My first born is a boy...and my 2nd child is a girl...When i was pregnant with my daughter i felt the whole time that i wouldn't be able to love my daughter as much as I love my son...My son was my everything..when my daughter was born i was scared at first...the whole time i was in the hospital was the first time i was ever away from my son and that was sooo hard...I had c-sections with both kids...So i would call home all the time and ask about my son even when my daughter was in my arms and when they brought my son to the hospital and i just wanted to hold him i gave my daughter to the first pair of arms that opened...and i think after awhile my family started noticing this or I did..im not sure...so they left and when i tried calling my son would be in the shower or at the park or outside or sleeping...and when she finally took to nursing and i was able to walk and the meds started wearing off I saw this beautiful little girl with blonde hair and blue eyes staring up at me...and my heart just melted and I love them equally to this day...sure you will treasure the first year (s) of your first child...but it will just fall into place...try not to worry about it...once your second child is here you will look back and wonder what in the world was I thinking....
2007-05-25 17:32:18 · answer #6 · answered by Do I know you? ya right LoL 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am pregnant with my second and my first is 3 years old. At first I was scared that I would not give one child the same love and attention, but after awhile I just let it go through my mind and try not to think of it. My 3 yr old is excited that he is going to be a big brother he shows that and it makes me happy so I just know everything will be good.
2007-05-25 17:18:14 · answer #7 · answered by az_couple 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
im 18 weeks pregnant with my second and i can definatly say that i am more scared / nervous , and not really excited at all . I think its the guilt .. knowing that im not going to be able to spend much time with my first .. and not knowing how to juggle 2 kids . This pregnancy still doesnt feel real .. i keep thinking its not real or something bad is going to happen so i shouldnt get to excited . Plus the consant running after a toddler is making me exhausted and no sleep means ya get depresed alot easier . Hoping at my next scan when i find out the gender , i can start bonding with this new life .. hopefully it will sink in .. But you not alone in how u feel
2016-05-18 00:29:58 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Every child is so different from the others - so unique - so precious. Individual children are also unique in their difficult sides. You'll love each one and love them all.
By the way, it is so much easier to parent a group of children than it is to parent just one. You'll be more relaxed and more confident all the way through.
One difficulty can come if your spouse leaves/dies and one child looks/acts much the same as the former mate. Seeing and dealing with the child can be very difficult for the parent to treat that child equally.
2007-05-25 17:33:22 · answer #9 · answered by Hope 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi! My experience is different. I have a beautiful, talented and sweet 7 years old girl and as my first born she's special to me, of course. But now i am 33 weeks pregnant with the love of my life's baby (not her father) and i have different feelings for this little girl still inside of me. I've talked to some people about this and a girl told me she felt the same. Caring the baby of the man you are completely in love with does make a difference. So, although Gabi is my first born and an astonishing young girl, i love this baby in a more intense way, due to who her father is. Gabi is wild with the idea of having a baby sister and I know we'll enjoy her so much...
Every child is different but they are a piece of you and your world and you'll love them both, for whom they are.
2007-05-26 06:24:03 · answer #10 · answered by Rosemary 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋