Suggestions needed for my discriminating mormon neighbors?

Question

Now, I KNOW that LDS people discriminate against non-mormons... maybe not consciously, but if you're not one of them... you don't get the time of day.

We moved into a mormon neighborhood (from out of state - didn't know what we'd gotten ourselves into until it was too late!) a month ago. Only one (1) neighbor has introduced themselves. My kids have given out our phone number, and nobody has called either of them even once. They've called several kids and strangely enough, nobody can ever play...

There's nothing that should set us apart from "them" other than religion. We live in their neighborhood and keep our home looking nice. We're the same color as they are. We're not noisy. Our children are well behaved and friendly. Our dogs are even good. I'm sure word got out that we weren't LDS.

Suggestions on how we can make good in this neighborhood? Hoping for suggestions from LDS people who know how to deal with some stuffy LDS snobs.

Answer 1

Invite them over for dinner. Get to know them. Learn enough about their religion so that they're not worried about their kids encountering stuff in your house that they wouldn't approve of. Let them know that you:

Don't show R-rated movies in your house.
Don't permit minors around alcohol
Keep language and jokes clean
Let them know that you're interested in being good neighbors and friends.

Utah Mormons are in kind of a funny situation. They get criticized if they come over with brownies (cause you're clearly trying to convert them) or they get criticized if they don't.

Mormons don't have as many friends outside of the church as most people. Express interest in attending neighborhood functions, parties, etc for social reasons. They have basketball courts in the ward buildings, weekly activities, sport tournaments, etc. You may even choose to attend church one time just to introduce yourself as the new neighbor.

So, in a nutshell, that's the reason. They're concerned that you may not have the same values and may introduce their kids to bad things AND/OR they don't want to step on your toes AND/OR they have a lot of stuff going on and haven't gotten around to it.

Mormons often keep themselves and their kids busy. They may be avoiding you, but they may also have been busy.

I think that your efforts of reaching out to the LDS snobs will make them good friends of yours in a very short period of time.....with a little effort.

Sorry that it's been hard for you.

One last note....you might even have a chat with the Bishop and let him know a bit about your experience. He can encourage people to reach out a bit from his perspective as well.

Answer 2

There are some of those "stuffy LDS snobs" out there, but that's certainly not how they are suppose to be. The LDS Prophet has even rebuked people for being like that and has said we need to be accepting of all people, regardless of faith. I live in a neighborhood with a lot of Mormons, but also a handful of non-mormons. Everyone gets along great and talks to each other, etc. It isn't the church, it's just the people. You still haven't been there that long, so I wouldn't worry. However, I would continue to just be a good neighbor, saying hi to everyone, letting your kids go play with the other kids when they see them outside, etc. It could just be that you moved into a bad neighborhood. I have also done that before. Good luck.

Answer 3

Well, I'm LDS and when I was 25 I moved to a town where the LDS cliques were really solid and even as an LDS woman I had a bit of a challenge trying to "get in". But I found as I got to know the women (and men too!) that they weren't snooty or stuck up. They were busy with their families and sometimes oblivious.
So here are a couple of suggestions I would have to meet your neighbors and get to know them a bit better:

-Do you do crafts or scrapbooking? Do you have any other hobbies like that? Fitness/walking/aerobic dance... Ask women around your neighborhood if there are groups with your similar interest. Be creative! We love crafts and creative stuff like that. Have a Pampered Chef / Stampin' Up / Beauty Control / Creative Memories / whatever Party and invite them.

-LDS families have "Family Home Evening" every Monday night. Ask some of your neighbors what this is all about. They will just LOVE to tell you!

-If your kids are scouting age, the LDS faith really promotes Cubs/Scouts/Ventures and would love to include your sons. (The girls have a different program...it's really cool too, I loved it. We went camping in the summer and learned a lot about wilderness survival. And we learned about homemaking, balancing budgets, leadership, style, we played sports, we had a great time! Your girls would certainly be welcome if they were interested.)

I think that our "cliquiness" sometimes comes from not wanting to seem pushy. If the Mormons come over to your house, are you going to say "oh, they're here to church me up"?...some people do and we don't want to appear like that. It's hard, though, to move to a new place and feel isolated. I would suggest that the more you get out into your new community and show that you are a good neighbor, the more they will be excited to have you there, no matter what your faith is.

Good luck. Let me know how it goes!

Answer 4

While I have experienced this shunning from some LDS (actually had a woman turn her back on me when she asked if I was LDS and I said no lol), I have also experienced great kindness from some. People are people.

I will say however that the last neighborhood we lived in was just as you describe, but it was not a Mormon neighborhood, or any other kind. Just a whole lot of people who happened to buy houses on the same street but had busy lives. In other words.. maybe it's just an unfriendly neighborhood? :p I have noticed those a lot lately. People just don't socialize with their neighbors like they did in the past.

Maybe introduce yourself to your neighbors rather than waiting for them?

Good luck :)

Answer 5

"Now, I KNOW that LDS people discriminate against non-mormons... maybe not consciously, but if you're not one of them... you don't get the time of day."

Well this is quite a over-generalization about an entire group of people who number in the millions (you must have met quite a bit of Mormons to come to this conclusion).

If this is some sort of new doctrine to the church that they failed to teach me, then I'm screwed! My whole family is Catholic and I live in San Francisco where there are but a few hundred of us.

Personally, I love my non-LDS company, and in many a times prefer them over my fellow Saints. Maybe you just live in an area that is too homogenized. This could be a human tendency when a large proportion of a similar type of people live in proximity to eachother. (I wonder how a little Mormon boy like me would fend in a place like the Vatican).

On another note, one month isn't really that long of time. Your neighbors may have genuinely been busy. It's not typical of LDS communities to be hostile towards non-LDS, in fact we are encouraged to show them fellowship not just in an ecclesiastical sense but just as friendly people. (Seriously, were suckers for being nice.... Go ask them to help you with something and that will probably get the juices going).

Good Luck!

Answer 6

Don't just assume the worst of people. While they may be snobs, they are far more likely to be just busy or shy. I'm not defending excessive busyness or shyness I'm just saying everyone has weaknesses and we should give people the benefit of the doubt.

Personally I'm very shy and social situations cause me a great deal of stress. I'm just lucky I found an outgoing person willing to be my wife. :-)

While I'm always trying to improve myself and overcome weaknesses like shyness, it's helpful if other people sometimes break the ice.

Excessive busyness is one of the plagues of our society and LDS culture can tend to make this even worse. There is no paid clergy so typically everyone has at least one responsibility in the local congregation. People sometimes spend too much time on secondary causes, causes that are good but perhaps less important than other things.

In addition, people tend to spend too much time going after the world's idea of success leaving insufficient time to raise children properly or to be sociable with the neighbors.

My impression is that Jesus is a very sociable person and I hope I can get better at emulating that and many other of his characteristics.

Answer 7

Well, I live in a LDS community too, the non members and members got along just fine.

We LDS is not all perfect as some expect us to be, but we do try to be friendly, but sometime I do hear people dislike us for knocking on their doors. So it could be that they want to be a little cautious, incase they might be a irritation to you.

Maybe it takes time to learn about each other. From what you wrote, I am sure you are a great neighbor, I am sure those LDS will learn to be a friend to you.

Answer 8

OK, first of all, I am offended that any LDS person would give the religion such a bad appearance to you. Being LDS myself, I would say that if you simply bake cookies or some easy little thing for select neighbors and drop them at the door step with a note that says "Call me anytime if you need anything" they may warm up. I am a white, middle twenty's LDS member, but I am one of the open-minded ones that loves to talk to other people, my girlfriend even is a Buddhist Thai girl and we get along just fine. Just hang in there and keep trying to warm them up to you. They will come around.

Answer 9

I live outside of UT, I don't know where you live but perhaps it is not because of your religion. I am LDS,but I live in the bible belt baptist south. Some of my neighbors know that I am LDS, but they are still friendly. Most are not. I don't think that religion has anything to do with it. These days it seems that noone is neighborly anymore. I don't know why.
Perhaps, you could take the initiative to be neighborly to them, or invite them over for lunch or another social function such as a BBQ or your childs birthday party or something like that.
Keep trying, don't give up.If they really are discriminating against you because of your religion, then find some other people to associate with and don't waste your time.
I want you to know that not all LDS people are that way. If they are truly discriminating against you, they are very bad examples.

Answer 10

This is so funny, because my wife and I (Mormons) moved into a predominately Baptist neighborhood about a year ago in North Carolina. The neighbors have seen the missionaries at our house a few times because we cook them dinner or they just come by to say hi. My wife and I went walking around the neighborhood and we said "Hello" to some of our neighbors working in their yards as we strolled by with our new baby girl. Now, my wife and I dress a little bit on the trendy side. I had a football jersey on and my wife was wearing a Jimmy Hendrix T-Shirt. The neighbors looked at us as if to say, "Who do you think you're talking to?" I told my wife, "They know we are Mormon, since they saw the missionaries at our house, and they are not too thrilled about it either." My wife laughed it off and said, "No they don't, you're just paranoid." Truth is, I am paranoid. I think you might be too. LOL. Welcome to the club! Just kidding. But seriously, this a a great question...I thought I was the only one.