There is only a 5 year difference between me and my stepchildren.?

Question

It is a little hard to set rules and have them followed in our home since there is only a 5 yer difference between my step children and I. They have stolen, cussed, complained about my faith(including the pictures on the wall of Christ), broken glass figurines that were passed down, taken adult content materials, used drugs, mishandled our 18 month old, had their mother complain about how I parent our daughter, etc. I realize, they are teens and I am the evil step mother but I do so much for them. I am the one to buy the presents for any occation (hubby doesn't know how to handle money), make home made cook meals, remind my husband of things that are going on in their lives and remind him that they need to get calls from him. I am beside myself. I am so discouraged. I just want to be their friend and be their soft place to fall since neither parent is that for them.

Answer 1

First of all, no matter what they are feeling right now they have no right to mishandle your child and that needs to be made clear.

These kids also have no right to disrespect you and your property and that needs to be made clear to them as well.

Sounds like your husband needs to step up and parent his children. If he doesn't then they will think that what they are doing is acceptable.

You need to be firm. Don't try to step in as their new mother but let them know that you are the second adult in that home and therefore they do need to listen to you. You could also have a heart to heart with them and let his kids know that you love and care about them and just want to fit into the family, not take the place of their mother.

Clearly, these kids have issues with their parents no longer being together and your age probably puts you at a disadvantage. I'm sure their mother isn't helping the situation either. It may be in everyone's best interest if you all went to family counseling.

Answer 2

I think that you should concentrate on being the best parent ever to your biological daughter. Your daughter needs you and your primary responsibility should be her. It will be many years until you mean more to your step-kids than just their dad's new wife. don't try to be their friend, be their step mom. the kids are coming into your home, they should respect you, your things and your home. don't let them walk all over you. Next time they visit and do something, tell them about it. If they threaten to leave, let them.

Your husband (their dad) needs to pay attention when they are in your home. When they are being disrespectful, he should say something. Would he allow them to be so disrespectful to anyone else? Probably not. When they do things that are wrong, they should be punished. There should never be drugs in your home-what if your daughter accidentally ingested them w/out your knowledge and died? It's possible. Could you live with that? Could your husband? Mishandling the 18 month old is absolutely unacceptable. Harming a baby because they don't like you is evil-plain and simple. A teenager knows better.

The kids have heard their mom talk badly about you (I'm sure) and they are just picking up on it and running with it. They are probably getting points from mom when they make your life miserable. The kids are banking on dad to not say anything because he won't want to make them mad. The kids probably really, truly don't hate you. They just hate the sitation. They are mad because now that you're in the picture, their mom and dad arent getting back together and they may feel like since you've had a baby, the baby is taking their place and dad likes the baby more.

Stand up to these kids; If you husband won't stand up for you and your daughter, you need to evaluate whether or not you want to be married to him.

Answer 3

I went to live with my oldest sister as a teen. There was only a 6yr difference in our ages. I didn't want to be there, I was sent there by the court after my aunt and uncle divorced (they had been raising me since our mother passed when I was 7). I took it out on her, and pretty much made both of us miserable. She was newly married, and had a small daughter and a baby at the time. A lot of the same things that you are going thru.
After about 9 months, she did something that changed my life. And at first I hated her for it.
While I was at school, she packed and loaded everything I owned into her car, and when I got home she took me to a group home.
I had to stay there until I was 18. But, It was the best thing to ever happen to me. It got me away from the people I was hanging around with that were pushing me towards drugs,alcohol, and petty crime.
I was required to attend school by day, and work a part-time job by evening. Any money I earned went into savings for when I got out.
They also had extensive training courses on everything from doing laundry or cooking, to how to make a budget and how to buy responsibly.
When I turned 18, I walked out with a little over $3,600 to start out my life with.
I got an affordable apartment, and furnished it from finds at a local thrift store, garage sales, and wherever I could get a good deal. I even had enough to buy my first car.
My sister and I became very close. She never failed to visit me on visiting day every week. She encouraged me, and gave me praise when she saw I was doing well.
It was about 3yrs later, that I finally sat down and told her that she likely had saved my life. If she had not done what she did, I probably would have ended up in jail, shot, or overdosed.
Tough Love, sometimes it's the best thing.

Answer 4

You may have to stop trying to be there for them. You can still be a good influence on their lives but only by example. Let their father choose gifts for them. If he forgets, oh well. Keep your baby out of these kids hands; that is horrible. Encourage their father to enforce your house rules.

I know how hard it is for kids when parents divorce however breaking items in your house, using drugs, etc. is not somthing you should put up with.

Is your husband there when the kids are doing these things? If not, then do not have the kids over unless he is going to be at home to take care of them.

Answer 5

When you stop trying to be their friend and stop being a doormat, that is when the respect will come. You have your own child to care for and should do just that. When they come in you should be leaving out with your child, ask them if they want to come to the park with you and the baby. As the brats that they are they will refuse. It will only take a few times of offering theings then you stop doing it al together. This is where the old addage comes into play, you never miss what you have until its gone. You are too good to them and they do not appreciate you. You are also too young to deal with the stress of teenagers, meanwhile you are not enjoying your child. Your husband and their mother mad them so they are their problem. I guarantee that when you cut them out you will find yourself so much happier. You have been chasing them around now it is time for them to come to you.

Answer 6

Age shouldn't matter, you are their step-mother whether they like it or not and you deserve to be respected. I would tell your husband to step up and straighten these kids out. They're probably just trying to see how far they can push you. You have a small child to think of who also deserves to grow up not having to be subjected to the suff you described. Good luck.

Answer 7

Disregard his children and coddle your own. This wil make them hate you more but respect you even more. They need to wake up. You should also not try ti lay down the law with them as they really won't listen to you. Don't put so much effort into them, they will not give you anything back...

Answer 8

dang girl, how old r u, u must be young dang bcuz u is 5 yrs apart :))

Answer 9

dude you must be young....there's a 25 year difference between me and my step mom (god i hate that b*tch)