Single mom , dating single dad question?

Question

would u consider serously dating a single dad who has a 3 year old and spoils him rotten. the kid never gets told no and has more material posessions than most adults. the dads justification is that he loves him so he will spoil him. i think thats bad for the kid and he might turn to be a brat. reason im asking is becuase we might some day become a family togheter, my daughter is not raised that way, would it be too conflicting to try to join into one family with that kind of diffreence .

Answer 1

I really don't see it working out for you, actually. Parenting styles that differ that much would just cause problems. Especially because you know what it's like to also be a single parent, I feel like you'd both be set in your ways. If you really like the guy, you could talk to him about it, now, and give him a chance to explain himself, and/or change to a parenting style you can both live with. If he's not willing, I think I'd move on... good luck~

Answer 2

I'm not a single mom and I really don't know what you are going through. However, I'd suggest you wait for someone who shares similar beliefs in parenting as you do. I've had so many friends and heard so many different stories about conflicting parenting styles leading to constant arguing and even divorce.

Just think about it if you were to get married. His three year old would be spoiled with no 'real' discipline and even if you tried to instill it into him you'd just be the evil stepmother. You child or children would be left in the dark because most likely [because they aren't spoiled now] they will be well-behaved. Instead of focusing on your children you would be focusing on his son. I would just think it would be an extremely hard situation.

Do what makes you happy though! If you honestly can see yourself with this man 10-15 years from now raising all the children together then go for it! If you really don't think you will argue, stress, and inevitably 'leave out' your daughter over this whole situation then go for it. Whatever you do I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 3

Talking about and proving your issues with this through life experience or books, might better your chances of getting through to him. I do not think that the relationship is a bust, he may well change his mind if he knows how serious you are in your upbringing differences. Maybe give him other options of how to spoil the child with love and affection rather than no boundaries at all. I am sure the man is just trying to make up for past mistakes he feels will take a toll on the childs life, which make it moe reliable to say that he wants what is best for the child so he will listen to sound reason from someone he trusts and loves, and also cares about the child too.

Answer 4

Not at all!...I'm currently doing the same thing. My boy friend has a 3 yr old daughter who is SPOILED!...I have 2 little girls as well and like you, don't do that with my children...I just show him what I do, and how it works, and make suggestions. I NEVER tell him what he's doing is wrong, or down grade him for it. But I try to make it seem like MY way works better. He's actually changing his ways. We've now been living together for 6 months, with VERY few problems....Hope this helped

Answer 5

Be the better person. Rise above the childish revenge game. It may make you feel better for the moment, but I can guarantee, you'll look back on it years from now and be totally disgusted with yourself. He's not relocating to spite you or hurt you - you said it yourself, he's doing it for the sake of his son. Don't consider yourself a "reject" just because he has chosen to put his child first. That's a very selfish attitude to have. How would you feel if the roles were reversed? Romance & social life should NEVER come before the best interest of your child. The pain you're feeling now is only temporary. Let your heart heal, and make healthy decisions for you and your child.

Answer 6

Well i can see where the comflict is. If you two are one day going to become a family than you should be able to talk to him about it. Try suggesting that instead of just giving the child whatever he wants ((which i think isn't good either)) whenever he wants it, the dad should have him work a little bit for it like acting good, being respectful, behaving that way it could still spoil his son but the child won't grow up think that just because he wants it he should automatically have it.

Answer 7

Sounds like you have VERY different parenting styles that could conceivably cause some MAJOR problems in the future if you got serious about each other.

I'd say it's a no go. there is already too many difficulties in a relationship without having such a basic core difference in values this early on.

Answer 8

when my husband and i first met we were both single parents. He had 2 girls and I had 1. I felt guilty of the lack of a father figure in my childs life so she was spoiled. My husband helped me in that I saw how he was with his girls. When he first divorced he did whatever they wanted and they ran all over him. Then he thought to himself "what would my parents do ?" This made perfect sense to me and i saw the error of my ways. We have our 3 girls and we had a bouncing baby boy. They are well behaved and make wonderful grades. Maybe you can guide your guy (if hes worth it) and ya'll can have a good life

I hope this helped good luck too you

Answer 9

It will never work. Forget the idea of a family. The kid will be a brat and a brat is trouble for your daughter and you. His dad does not love the boy. He's covering up something.

Answer 10

all kids are different , i dont think that you should stop dating him because his child is spoiled , you have to deal with what he comes with , i would eventually start talking to him about it and tell him how you feel ,because if he continues to do this with his child , he is only hurting the child in the long run