Has one of your close family members commited suicide?

Question

A close friend just sent me an email that her younger brother commited suicide within the last couple days, and the viewing is tomorrow. If one of your close family members commited suicide, apart from the obvious answers like praying for the family, and expressing sympathy,
What did your friends do for you in this situation that comforted you the most?
What did your friends not do for you in this situation, that you wish they had done?
Thank you for your answers in advance.....

Answer 1

Pray for your friend. Make sure she and her family take care of themselves (like eating which can often be overlooked in times of grief). And be there for her and her family especially after everyone else has gone back to their routine.

The pain doesn't stop just because people stop coming around. In the weeks and months ahead, your friend will need you more than ever. Remember the birthdays, holidays and other special times.

Perhaps make a donation to a fav charity of her brother's if he had one or plant a tree in memory.

Be a good listener. If she or her family want to talk, even if it's the same thing over and over again, LISTEN because they need to let it out.

Offer to shop for them, walk the dog, water their garden, anything that will help them out. You may think those things aren't important. But to a family grieving over the loss of a loved one, the smallest of actions means so much since everything in their lives at that time is utter chaos like a runaway roller coaster or seems to stop.

Keep your eyes and ears open to anything they need that you can do for them. It'll mean so much to the family knowing that you care.

When my close relative committed suicide, I didn't have support from anyone. If people had done the things I stated above, it really would've helped.

Answer 2

When someone very close to me committed suicide, I felt guilt for a couple of years--I actually felt that I may have did or said something to trigger this terrible act. This was even after his doctors told me that it was due to his recent heart surgery, and of learning that he additionally had skin cancer. I have had many relatives and close friends die, but he was the first who took his own life (and I hope the last). I developed a terrible fear of death when my dad died suddenly at the age of 45. When I had my own children, I was constantly worried that either they, or I, would die. It is never easy to get over the death of a loved-one, and in suicide, it is probably even harder. I feel badly for you, and hope that you consider checking out some books from the library on this subject. Self-help books did work for me--and I also went to therapy--which did a lot of good, in my case. I wish you well, and hope that you can forgive your stepmother in the near future. People who commit suicide are generally mentally ill, and see no other way of dealing with life. She probably felt that all of you would be better off without her...that's what many people think.

Answer 3

I haven't been in a situation such as yours, but I simply wished to express my sympathy for your friend and her family. The only thing you can do is be supportive and remember that dispite the loss of her brother, she's still the friend she always was. Which means just being there is what counts. There's no "right" thing to say, so don't look for it. Just be there and be supportive. That's all anyone can possibly ask of you, and what will mean the most.

Answer 4

Let the loved ones talk if they want to talk. Don't bring it up unless they do. If they do, don't try to change the subject. Be there. Keep on being there. The pain will continue for ever. So don't go away, like their loved one did. Just be yourself. Love that person if they are mean, grouchy, sad, cold, whatever it is. Don't be afraid of the awkwardness. Keep on being there, when all the others have moved on. Be a true friend.

Answer 5

This kid in school did,.... Every one had to go to it by school buses because he wrote a letter saying that he did it because people at school were mean to him..... any how we just went and stood there for an hour,....We did not get to talk to the parents or anything we were just taken in and one by one we were suppose to look you know the last look thing but most people could not so we just stood there and after every one was done we sat down while the priest talked about him and then we left.... We did not go to the actually burying just the wake thing.

Answer 6

Praise God, I have not had this happen in "my circle"

Be there for your friend, listen, and show your true compassion.
Be truthful, do not give answers you do not know about, rather tell it is beyond your knowledge.

Even in the time of sorrow, it is still possible to tell if you are just saying comforting words, which are empty words. Show your friend that she/he can trust you to tell the truth.

Truth might hurt at the moment, but will last in the long run.

Do not leave out God, bring the concerns and doubts to Him, pray and be open to His answers.

I will pray for you in this hard work, and I will praise God for your willingness.

In prayers

Answer 7

Whenever you see her, ask her how she is (looking like you really care) - if she wants to talk, listen well and try to just emphathize/understand. If she wants to talk about something else, go with her on that - just be yourself, don't worry much about what to say/not say. She just wants a friend and for part of her life to be somewhat 'normal' still.
I think the thing she needs most is to know that you're always there for her if she wants to talk or anything, to know that you are really willing to just listen. If she sees that you are uncomfortable about listening to her, she won't want to talk - she needs to know that you want to listen.
I think ringing her up will be good - I know you want to give her her space, but she will want to know how much you care and that you are there for her - it can be a short phone call if she doesn't want to talk, that's fine.
No-one close to me has committed suicide - but when I was going through a very difficult time (someone I loved was in critical care after a car-crash), and my friends knew, I really appreciated the one friend who remembered to ask me how I was, and really listen, every time I saw her. My other friends didn't ask me how I was much, or if they did, then they didn't listen - if they did listen, they'd tell me "She'll live, won't she? She'll survive, she'll be fine" - which I hated to hear - because it wasn't necessarily true, and when they said that it made me feel like I couldn't keep talking - they'd just ended the conversation. I just wanted them to listen, show they cared, and tell me they understood how hard it was for me.

Answer 8

My Fiance killed himself and the biggest thing I needed was time. When I was sad just for people to let me be sad. When I wanted to be in denial of my feelings and pretend that everything was okay, just to be able to do that. I think it's just important to let that person grieve in their own unique way and not to judge it. The fact that your asking how to handle the situation, I can tell your going to do very well. Common sense and compassion go a long way.
Best of luck to you.

Answer 9

You do the same as if they passed away naturally. Do not bring up how they died or why they did it. Let them do the talking. If they have questions like why you just say you don't know and that it was no ones fault. Good luck, it's a completely bad situation.

Answer 10

Say as little as possible while being ready and available to listen whenever whereever they need it.

Try not to talk about the death or after death...
If you have to say anything at all say im so sorry
admit you cant possibly understand
talk about good things about his life and impact
again try to say less and listen more