Should I tell my parents that I know I am adopted?

Question

Ok well I just found out recently from my sister-in-law that I am adopted. But I am really scared to tell my parents because I don't know how they are going to react. I mentioned it to my mom years ago that I had suspicions but she got a little upset and told me no. Everybody is telling me to tell them but right now i'd rather not. Should I tell or just ignore it?

By the way I am 18

Answer 1

LET THEM KNOW WHAT YOU KNOW,AND LET THEM KNOW YOU LOVE THEM AND THAT JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE ADOPTED, YOU KNOW YOU WERE SPECIAL TO THEM.AND YOU ARE NOT JUST GOING TO LEAVE THEM BECAUSE YOU KNOW. I 'M ADOPTED AND I KNOW HOW IT HURTS AT TIME. SO JUST SIT THEM DOWN AND TALK TO THEM.JUST TELL THEM OVER AND OVER THAT YOU ARE NOT UPSET,THAT YOU JUST WANT TO KNOW THE TRUE. YES YOU NEED TO GET THIS OUT BEFORE SOMETHING GOES WRONG. BECAUSE SOMETIME PEOPLE GET MAD AND SAY SOMETHING THAT THEIR REALLY DON'T WANT TOO.
YOUR SISTER-INLAW SHOULD HAVE TALKED TO YOUR PARNETS ABOUT TELLING YOU BEFORE SHE DID. BUT I KNOW SOMETIMES PARNETS ARE SCARED OF THIS KINDED OF TALK,BECAUSE THEY ARE A AFRAID YOU WILL WANT TO GO AND FIND YOUR REAL PARNETS. YES SHE WILL BE VERY UPSET,SHE IS SCARED THAT IS WHY SHE IS UPSET. I HOPE YOU ARE OLD ENOUGHT TO UNDERSTAND HOW SHE FEELS. JUST BECAUSE SHE KNOWS YOU KNOW SHE WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU.
I WILL TELL SOMETHING I DON.T AND MAY THIS WILL HELP: I WAS TOLD THAT I WAS ADOPTED AND I HAD ALOT OF QUESTIONS,SOME I ASKED THE QUESTIONS AND IF SHE KNOW THE ANWERS SHE WOULD ANWER THEM.BUT THAT THE SAME TIME SHE WAS CRYING AND SO WAS I . BUT AT THE SOME TIME SHE FELT BETTER BECAUSE I KNOWED HAD MUCH SHE REAL LOVED ME. BECAUSE AT THE SOMETIME SHE TOLD ME HOW SHE GOT ME.SO JUST TALK TO HER AND LET HER KNOW THAT JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE ADPOTED SHE IS STEEL AND GOING TO BE YOUR MOTHER THE REST OF YOU LIVE AND WHEN YOU HAVE KIDS THEIR GRANDMOTHER.I HOPE I HAVE HELPED.

Answer 2

Absolutely tell them.

I can't believe that people still hide this from their children, it's disgusting. Children have a right to know where they came from, and when you raise an adopted child with the knowledge of being adopted, and "normalize" the concept of adoption, children grow up to be happy and healthy and there is no fear of this big secret being revealed.

I would confront them immediately. But that's just me. I was adopted at birth and do not remember a time where I did not have full awareness that I was adopted. I can't imagine how angry I would be if they had hid it from me.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Answer 3

I don't think your mom would be too happy to find out that you know. I would say to her that your sister-in-law made a weird statement that you were adopted and see how it goes from there.
This may be a sensative subject for your mom and I would honor her wishes to not tell you if she chooses this.
Adoptions are private and sometimes when people adopt they've had failures in their lives they don't wish to talk about.
But I would definitely say something about you sister in law telling you this.

Answer 4

YOU are the one who knows your parents well enough to guess what might come of such a conversation. Your mother has already lied to you once--really more than once--so you are probably right that the conversation will not be comfortable. Still, you are right in wanting to know the truth. Give yourself some time to think about all of it. Maybe do some reading first (see below). Be prepared to remain calm in the face of your parents' upset reaction.

There's a term for people like you: Late Discovery Adoptee, or LDA. The adoptee-rights group Bastard Nation, notably one of its members, Ron Morgan, has a lot to say about it. http://www.bastards.org

Answer 5

I would definately bring it up. You reserve the right to know this. Im sorry you had to find out from an outside source rather than your adopted parents. Your mother should not get mad... she knew when she adopted you that the questions would soon come. There is nothing wrong with being adopted. If she gets mad then something is wrong with her. Good luck.

Answer 6

If you are not comfortable telling them you know you are adopted, then do not tell them. You don't mention why you would rather not tell them but do mention that you mom got a little upset when you mentioned it before. So I am going to assume (maybe wrongly) that you would rather not tell because you don't want to upset you mom. If this is why you don't want to tell her, perhaps you can approach your dad about it.

Bottom line though, if you don't want to tell them, don't.

Answer 7

I think you should go with your gut. It is okay to wait until you are more comfortable. I remember when I was little I thought I was adopted. And then I found my parents marriage certificate and it turns out my mom just got pg a little early.

Answer 8

Yes you should talk to them eventually, honestly lying about someone being adopted in this day and age is just extremely sad imo. There’s no shame in being adopted or for a couple to adopt. No matter what their reasons were for adopting.

If you don’t feel comfortable talking to them about it now just wait till your ready. Perhaps you need some time to soak it in or talk about it with a close friend first.

Answer 9

If you do, just wait for what feels like the right time and bring it up. I don't know how old you are, but your sister in law was way out of line telling you. If you would rather wait, then tell everyone to butt out, you will do it when you feel ready.

Answer 10

It doesnt matter if your adopted or not. If they raised you your whole life then they are your parents. It would be nice to see your birth parents but if your 18 yrs old like you said then your fine. I mean you lived this long with them. Just ignore it, if your parents bring it up just tell them you knew already but it doesnt matter cause you love them and they are your parents.