Question about spanking. What would you do is this situation?

Question

l am totally against spanking. l'm not criticising anyone, but l will not do it. Now, all my extended family, and most of my friends with kids are for it. l have 3 kids, 2-8, who are as well behaved and badly behaved as any other kids. However, when any of the other kids l know act up, they are straight away spanked, but nobody says anything. lf one of mine does a similar thing wrong, l'm told 'that's what you get for not disciplining your child", even when l'm not particularly fazed by their behaviour. What's going on? l've never argued with any of them about spanking, so they shouldn't be feeling offended. What do you think/would you do?

l should add that my children are disciplined for bad behaviour, time out, removal of priveliges, etc. But they are the only ones whos' behaviour is commented on. Thanks!

Let me just add one more thing, my children do respond to being disciplined, it's not as if they go and repeat the same behaviour...which l do see some kids who get spanked doing...What l don't get is that it's just normal childhood behaviour, things that all kids do, but everyone acts like it's unique to my kids.

Answer 1

First thing, I agree on the no spanking thing. I also do not think that its right that other parents say that your child misbehaves because you dont spank, maybe thats why their children do misbehave?? Anyway, I think that you should just politely say that you dont judge them or their kids based on the way the choose to discipline, so they should be more respectful of the way you choose. Every parent does things differently and we all have our own way of making sure our kids know what is right and wrong. I wouldnt worry about it too much. I personally think that most of the kids who get spanked as kids are going to end up rebelling and being the ones us non spankers warn our children about. Good luck and keep up the good mom work!!

Answer 2

I think up until pretty recently, spanking was the only form of disciplining a child. Then some expert came along and said there's another way and it doesnt involve raising your hand to your child.

I think people dont think before they speak just as you put it. You wouldnt say anything to them about chosing to spank.

I do know there are some parents who dont do any discliplining of any kind. Those are the Paris Hilton's and Lindsay Lohans of the world who dont realize there are consequences to their actions.

I would just let it go. People are always going to have their own opinions whether they voice them or not. It's probably not worth the effort of debating with this person. You wont change their mind and you know what works best for your own kids.

Answer 3

I'll answer your question from my point of view (a teen) I listen to my parents when they say don't do this or you're grounded but if I think that I'm going to get a spanking for doing something I'll be phased more by the thought of the spanking than the thought of being grounded. I don't do things that my parents tell me not to do because 1. I'm not interested in being "bad" 2. I don't want to disappoint them 3. I don't want to jeoprodize what independece I have 4. I don't want to get a spanking. 5. I know right from wrong.

Actually I haven't gotten a spanking since 2nd grade (14 now) and it was only a few pops and I haven't done whatever it is that I got in trouble for since. So maybe you should try spankings cuz they're pretty effective

Answer 4

I would point out to them that all the research shows that spanked children behave worse than children who are not spanked.

I would then go on the offensive. They are the ones who raised the subject of whether spanking is a good idea or not, which I would take as an open invitation to point them towards all the research showing that spanking is harmful.

Lastly, I would suggest that they google the word "spanking" and see how many porn site hits they get. Tell them that you aren't going to do something to your child that huge numbers of adults do for sexual pleasure.

Answer 5

I am against spanking, but have gone over to the dark side on 3-4 occasions. I spanked my kids when everything else seemed to fail me. I consider these moments of weakness on my part.
In regard to others commenting, you need to put a stop to it, or it will continue. Next time one of their kids act up, comment
"I guess the spanking isn't working as you planned". And, next time somebody comments to you about your style of discipline, you need to tell them (in a nice way if you so choose) that you are the parent of your children, and that they should handle their own problems.

Note that I was spanked as a child as were my brothers and sisters. In fact most people that I have had this conversation with were also spanked as a child. So, I don't think that spanking creates a bad child or bad adult as one other poster indicated. I am against it because i feel it is a failure on my part to properly communicate, and a failure to instill the respect of my children in the absence of spanking.

Answer 6

There are those who quote the Bible and spank their children because the Bible says they can. Some enjoy it, some use it as a power trip, others through pure frustration of not being able to communicate with their children.

My question, Right next to yours, speaks of one of the problems that bring on the frustration and spankings for many.

With many adults it is an ego problem. They might have been problems as children themselves or lack attention from their parents. In spanking their child they are looking for approbation from other adults that they are "handling" their child.

Answer 7

Children NEED discipline and when a child misbehaves and is NOT spanked - then others feel the parent(s) is/are not doing their job right. If you don't believe in spanking, and have other ways to discipline which work just as well then let people know this so they'll stop bugging you about it.

Answer 8

I would just say "I'm sorry, did I ask your opinion of my kids? And do you really want to know what I think of your parenting? Probably not then stop commenting on mine."
I get so sick of people being so snide to everyone else and never looking in the mirror. Kids who are spanked repeat the actions just as much as kids who are not, You do the right thing just try to ignore their comments.

Answer 9

Spanking is not the issue here. You parent they way that you see fit, and they can do the same. I would simply tell them as much. I understand it can be offensive and downright insulting when others feel they have the right to pipe up and tell you how to raise/discipline your kids, and this is how I would try to handle it. Bottom line they need to mind their business, and limit their concern to their own children, not yours.

Answer 10

I believe spanking works for my family, and I feel it works for most children according to other parents I know and talked to about this. Spanking is not my first discipline tactic, but my child knows it is a possibility. Some people do not accept that time outs or loss of privileges are effective tactics and think a spank is all that works for some kids, and I have seen many children where this would be true, but if you know your children are for the most part well behaved and they understand you are the one in control and you are consistent with your discipline then it shouldn't matter what other people tell you. If it were me and someone commented on my child's behavior and that I was not handling it properly, I would remind them that I haven't made any negative comments about their discipline style and request that they keep their opinions to themselves. Take care.