My ex and i weren't married, but we had a child together. He is an alcoholic, and was never there for me or my son. He wasn't even there when my son had surgery at 3 weeks old. I finally got the courage to leave him. Now after 6 months my ex wants to see him. i am going to let my son visit, but everytime i think about it I start crying. Is that normal? Should I let my son go visit? What do I do?
2007-05-25 06:18:31 · 12 answers · asked by steph86ely 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I know this will be hard for you to swallow but be glad your ex is showing an interest in his son. The worse thing a boy can go thru is knowing his father rejected him. Be happy for your little boy. Think of the heartache he wont be going thru because his dad wants to be with him.
2007-05-25 06:23:53 · answer #1 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You mentioned your ex is an alcoholic and you also said something very important--- you "got the courage" to leave him. I'm sure your own fear of the emotional power or control your ex had over you is probably an issue here. I believe your ex must establish visitation rights in court if you were not married so you can say no--- if you feel that it isn't in the best interest of the child or your emotional well-being to allow this visitation. Ask yourself what you fear about this visit.
2007-05-25 13:29:54 · answer #2 · answered by downhomegal32 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry honey, and maybe what you feel is normal--
But its time for you be a woman and realize that he is your child's Father. No matter how bad your relationship was, that will always be your child's Father. Your child has the right to have a relationship with his Dad, and I'm sure that the courts will make sure your child is not drinking and that your child is safe when he is there if thats a real problem.
Listen, I'm not trying to sounds harsh, but the bottom line is that the minute you decided to be with that man, sleep with him, and have his baby--thats when you decided that you will have to deal with him for the rest of your life. You decided to have a Baby, so now its time to deal with being a single mother, and all the ups & downs that come with it. In the meantime, be like 90% of all other single moms, and learn to be happy that your child's father is starting to take care of his responsibilties--and use this "me time" to get things done in your home & your life. Good Luck
2007-05-25 13:27:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. Yes it is normal. You're fine. If you think it's safe for the baby to "go" and visit, then certainly you can. What do you do? Be careful, watch out for yourelf and your child.
Should you let him "go" visit? Hmmm. Depends on where you live. Frankly, if it took courage for you to leave him...and he is an alcoholic... I think that I would set down with him and work out some sort of visitation agreement first.
Whatever you agree to do, don't let animosity change your mind. But make sure you have protected yourself and your child. It doesn't need to be a battle-you agree, he agrees, and an arbiter puts his seal to it.
2007-05-25 13:29:54 · answer #4 · answered by KRIEGAR 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes you should let your son see his dad i would first let him see his son for a few hours a day if he is a drunk i would be scared to leave him over night but if you go to court you will have to follow what the law is use that time that your son is with his dad for your free time do things you like go to a movie read a book go for a walk clean close do what ever makes you happy!
2007-05-29 11:37:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes you wouldnt be a good mom if you didnt worry,but your son does need adad but i would get something legal and judge appointed since he is a alcohlic that some one responsible from his family his where he would have to stay while visting if their is someone you can trust but i wouldnt leave him alone with my son so go to court and if you get something like this done it will also help ease your mind to where you can handle the visits. i hope he is also paying child soupport.
2007-05-29 01:42:34 · answer #6 · answered by twinkle2twinkle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, he could fight you in court over it, but hopefully you could get the visits to be supervised by a relative. Then when it happens, you could just enjoy your alone time, knowing that you don't have to worry about him being in the hands of an alcoholic and unsupervised.
2007-05-25 13:23:10 · answer #7 · answered by karenhar 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow.. if u cry u obviosly feel something for him, weather is love of pity... let him see the baby cause he has the right to but also pay very close attention.. if u ever chose to try it again with him... let him prove to u that it's worth it.. and if u defenetly dont wanna go back, then go to court and split the custody.. just so he can have him weekends
2007-05-25 13:27:44 · answer #8 · answered by [[Simply*Genuine]] 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a divorced dad and if i wasnt allowed to see my son it would kill me. It might make him grow up and take care of his son. I'm 22 and I take better care of my son then guys twice my age
2007-05-25 13:21:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would not initially let the visits be unsupervised. Daddy needs to prove himself.
2007-05-25 13:20:48 · answer #10 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋