I need help with a meddling family!!!!?

Question

Okay so my fiance and I had a little girl not that long ago. The problem is, is our families are trying to run our lives. They are nit picking at every little thing. Like this, we talked with our doctor and we were discussed her feeding schedule and how much she eats and her doctor said she couldn't be better and she's getting the right about, yet my mother-in-law is going to my mother and telling her that we're feeding our child too much and that she's huge (which she's not even close!) so my mother freaks out and freaks out on me! It's getting rediculous, our families are not just helping us. They are running our lives telling us what exactly to do, when to do it, and how to do it. We know what we're doing and they need to back off. I know they want to help, but they're going way over the line, enough is enough. As much as I wanna tell them all to shut their mouths, I can't. How can I basically tell them that I am my daughters mother and they aren't, but in a polite manner

To the people who said to stop telling them our business....we're already doing that. We've tried telling them that it's our life, but it doesn't work. Everything they say is an insult, especially to me....they're not that fond of me, well his step-mother that is. His real mother is amazing and sweet and doesn't do anything of this. But his step-mother wishing he was still with an old girlfriend and she makes sure she brings up her name many times.......His step-mother is the one i have to mainly deal with since his real mother doesn't live around here.

Answer 1

Tell them what you just told us.

"I know this is my first baby, but you didn't raise stupid children. I've talked at length with my pediatrician, and have his advice on everything. Raising a child in today's world is different than when you had us -- you have to start trusting us to do what's right."

And every time they bring anything at all up, just keep repeating that line. Don't argue, don't discuss at all... just repeat the same thing until you get it through their heads. It takes a great deal of repeating the same line to get it through my mother's head when I've chosen my own path and am not going to listen to her "advice", but it does eventually work. Refusing to discuss whatever they want to comment on will probably make them angry for a short while... but they have to get over that like adults.

Answer 2

Honey, I know how you feel. I went through the same thing. I couldn't do ANYTHING right. My MIL even told me that "not all women are born with mothering instincts". But if your doctor is telling you that your are doing the right thing and your baby is healthy, IGNORE them. Don't argue or tell them to shut up. Just let them talk and keep on doing what you are doing. I didn't want to have a big blow out and stop speaking to my mom and mil because they were a big help and some advice they gave was useful. But I did what I felt was right. When they say "don't do this or do it this way" just tell them "this is how I do it" end of conversation. You can try and tell them what you pediatrician said. Explain to them how even though they fed their children one way doctors now recommend it be done a different way. Either way, don't be drawn into an argument. They'll stop eventually.

Answer 3

tell them what your doctor said and that you agree with him/her so that they know your not just basing your decisions on your own knowledge. thank them for their advice and let them know you will consider it but that right now the baby seems fine and the choices you've been making have been working out well so far. reassure them that if things become an issue later and you feel that you need their opinion, you will come to them. you can even make it sound extra sincere and loving by making it a promise and that if you ever need anything they will be the first to know and confided in.

never make them think that you dont want their help and advice at all, just continue to let them know that you have everything under control in a respectful yet direct way that shows you mean business. a lot of times relatives think they know whats best for everyone in the family because it worked for them, or they learned the hard way what didnt work and dont want you to make the same mistakes. they also just want to feel needed and useful so they can nurture and protect the ones they love. either way, the results of your actions and decisions will speak for themselves when they see how happy and healthy your child is and how well you and your fiance work together in raising her.

however, if they continue to meddle then you might want to start distancing yourself from them more and when you are together leave out anything having to do with taking care of your child. put the focus more on them and their life so they dont have a chance to continue meddling into yours. also, make sure to let them know how well things are going so they dont assume the worst all the time giving them more reasons to continue annoying you.

lastly, you can also do like my relatives and pretend to care while acting like you will take the advice thats really not needed from the meddling family member(s) and then as soon as their gone, go right back to your normal routine. works everytime...as long as they dont live with you of course. anyway, good luck and congratulations!!

Answer 4

Concerned Grandmothers are not always a bad thing. While this is definitely a pain in the butt for you, be thankful that you have that support system first off. Lots of young parents have no family to fall back on. Next, you have to set boundaries with them and let them know that you are talking to your pediatrician all the time and that the baby is doing well. Also, nicely tell them that while you value their suggestions and guidance, you have been looking forward to doing these things on your own. Thank them for their love and support, but that you are taking the lead in bringing up your daughter. Good luck.

Answer 5

Why are you even discussing your babies Dr. appointments with them , stop telling them your business and when they ask tell them it's OK and everything is fine if your mom an mother-in-law feel that they can not keep there opinions to them selves then maybe you should stop going to visit until they can respect you and the way you are raising your child. if the Dr. thinks everything is fine then what they have to say holds know weight. when they call and start the bullsh!t, politely let them know that you have things to do and hang up and when you see there # on the phone just don't pick up. and when they come unannounced don't open your door you have a right to take care of your child your way . LOL

Answer 6

Isn't it just wonderful that your parents get along so well?

I know it can be very frustrating, and you seem to be handling it so well!

I'm surprised, however, that your Mom would freak on you before observing for herself, to be honest.

Maybe you should firmly remind her that you're her daughter, and as such, you are quite capable of being a parent, and quite capable of asking for assistance when you need it.

Rest easy in the knowledge that many came before you, and that you too will be in their position one day. Pry that you and they will find a way to do things right.

I, personally, strongly advise against using your baby to blackmail them into doing things your way. It sets up a bad situation to being worse.

You're doing very well handling it. You will continue to do well, AND you'll be a GREAT Mom, because you put so much thought into the things that matter.

Answer 7

You and your fiance have to sit down your mother and mother-in-law together. Your little girl should be with their grandpa. Tell them right off that their grand daughter is perfectly fine, but their 24/7 meddling is not helpful and does not promote family harmony. Tell them that you are responsible parents, the doctor says she couldn't be better, but their ballistic meddling and commentary is not necessary. Don't let them start in. Tell them you love them and make sure they understand.

Answer 8

OMG, I AM GOING THREW THE SAME THING BUT 3 TIMES As worse...i know ur anger, and its time to do rather than say. most family's ignore the fact that there like the rest of the world just waiting to talk and not listening. and the line "were family" where supposed to, blah blah blah, doesnt work, were all different people we cant choose whom we are brought into this world with, but u can say either let me raise my child or stop coming here to visit me and my finance, and my daughter. plain and simple or if ur thinking they will not listen and look at u as crazy, dont open the door and let it sink in there heads that there ruining ur life. be strong dont let them anger u any more ur the mother and ur in charge of ur child. good luck, and this may be harsh but if u make a stand u stay standing or they'll walk all over u......hope for the best....good luck

Answer 9

I had the same problem. I basically told them that we are the parents now. You guys raised us and now we are raising our child. If we feel the need to consult you on something we will. I understand your worries but the doctor has confirmed that we are doing things right. Please let us make our own judgement calls. They eventually backed off. It will take some time. But, just like punishing a child, you both have to stick to it. If it gets altered one bit the parents will be back in telling you what to do!!! Good luck!!!

Answer 10

Explain that you understand they are only trying to help, but she is your daughter, and constantly undermining your decisions is not helping anyone, and talking to your other in-laws etc. is only making the situation worse.

It is creating a divide, whether they know it or not, and a child shouldn't be made to choose sides, which is ultimately what will happen I think.

Flat out, you may have to say, look, some things I will accept your help with, when I ask for it, but at the end of the day, this is my child, not yours, and you need to respect that.