I have a 16 year old daughter who is very very very rebellious towards her father and me (mom)?

Question

She has run away and stayed gone for weeks at a time, has violated her propation and only gets a tap on the wrist from the judge. She comes in wee hours of the night. Years ago she gave false alligations to CPS about abuse(which was founded) meaning dropped. There's much much more, we are christians and believe we cannot give up on children because God did not give up on us in our sin. My question is: she wants my help by signing a parental slip so she could work. She makes it to school when she feels like it and I honestly don't believe this job at papa murphy's will last because she is not dependable and not serious about her life. What should I do, how shoud I look at this whole situtation with her needing my help and she doesnt care two cents about us and our rules?

Answer 1

sign it and let her work then maybe she will get a dose of reality !! she will find out what the real world is all about . sounds like she needed deeper punishment when she was younger . anyway sign the paper and let her work might be the best thing for her .

Answer 2

You need to be tough. Tell her that school comes first. If she doesn't come home with good grades and good attendance - she doesn't get to have a job. Don't give her spending money unless she does something around the house to earn it. As far as her getting in trouble with the law, talk to the judge and see what your options are. See if she can get put in a detention center the next time she screws up. If you and your husband don't crack the whip (figuratively speaking), she'll never understand that there are actual punishments for her actions. She'll end up in worse trouble when she's older. Remind her that in when she turns 18, she goes to real jail when she commits a crime, and she'll have a hard time getting a job with stuff like that on her record. Tell her about how jail is a rotten place where you can be brutally treated. Find a way to have some of this put in her face for her to see first hand. And what ever you do - don't give in to the "puppy dog" eyes or the less-than-sincere apologies. Tough love.

Answer 3

I think signing the slip is the best learning tool for your daughter right now. She is in the rebellious, "i don't care stage." Having a job IS a responsibility. She will learn quickly you need to show up for work, you need to be on time, you need to be courteous, if not, she will be fired, she needs to learn from an authority figure, (i.e. a boss) not her parents (because she is not listening to you right now) that her attitude and behavior won't cut it in the real world. I don't see having a job as a bad thing, hopefully this will help straighten her out. I know letting go isn't easy especially when you see them doing wrong with their lives, but at some point you will need to let go a little because this is her life. I know being strict is your way of raising her but maybe you should let go JUST a little so she won't be rebellious..Stay strong this stage won't last forever.

Answer 4

Everybody parents different. Too be honest, if its gotten that bad and gone this far, shes not going to change. Having a job will at least let you know where she is during those hours and prevent her from getting money through other means. She's not going to do a 180 and be that lil girl she was by the time shes 18.. so if she wants to work (which honestly a lot of teens dont want to do) then definitely let her do it. That seems to be the only positive thing shes working on right now.
This is just my advice... personally my daughter would be hanging by her nipples to my ceiling, cause Ill be DAMNED if anything I bought into this world would be that disrespectful to me or anybody else! (She's laughing at my answer, but scared at the same time! lol)

Answer 5

Sounds to me like there are a few things going on here. First, lets address the rebellious attitude. At 16, some rebelion is natural, but the fact that she has already been infront of the judge sounds like she has some bad influences hanging around. She doesn't sound like a leader, but a follower, and trust me, that will get her in big trouble. She also may have some issues that she has not come clean about and some counseling could do some good. Sorry, but prayer will not solve everything. Some outside help may be needed.
Also, I would sit down with her and talk with her. Ask her questions. Try to get to know her a little more instead of trying to guess what is wrong with her. Ask her what she wants to be when she grows up, ask her what things she likes to do, if she has any hobbies. Stuff like that. Hopefully that would get her thinking of more than the here and now. Let her know that without an education she would only be able to get jobs that she doesn't like and that she would have a difficult time getting by. Let her get the job. See if she is responsible about it. If she starts complaining of how horrible it is you can chime in about the education and how important it is. Basically, the idea is to get her talking and thinking for herself without outside influences. Sometimes we need to let them fall before they come running back. Don't forget to let her know how much you love her. You are not there to pick up the pieces. She needs to be financially responsible for anything she does wrong. If she gets arrested, don't bail her out. You have to be strong. You are not abandoning her. Bailing her out will only enable her to keep getting into trouble because she has mommy and daddy there. You are there for emotionaly support. If she gets the job, ask her if she has anything planned about her paychecks. See if you two can come up with some kind of savings plan for something in the future. Encourage her to do great things for herself. Good luck to you and your family.

Answer 6

I have similar issues with my 16 yo son who suffers from defiance disorder, anger, and wants a job too. I think you should sign the slip and let her give work a chance. It might be the nitch she needs on the road to straightening up her act. Forget that she will straighten up for her parents - it is not likely to happen. She is angry with you and dad, maybe with reason - and possibly angry with for no good reason! But, she may do it for herself. And maybe with a job she will get self esteem from going to work and earning her own pay. My feeling is, if it is a chance that might work in a positive way for her - then you must let her try it. And if she handles the job irresponsively, then she will suffer the consequences of being fired. I know how overwhelming teens like this can be, it is so hard to make sense as to why they are so crazy!! Good luck to you.

Answer 7

Yes God sent Jesus to die for our sins leaving us not abandoned to our fate--but still we must accept Him and God's rules, we must first repent, God does not accept us without this condition as you know. Even still there are still consequences on this earth for our past sins, which we are left to face. Your daughter is rebellious and far from repentence and you must give an acount how you did your job as mother. She will face the consequences of her actions. Try to find a Christian based place [school] where she can go to live, mabey on the interent. She is not disciplined at all and will never keep a job, she wants to get out of school and have money to party. She is headed for prison if you do not intervene on her behalf. When she is of legal age; 18, the judge will throw the book at her.

Answer 8

Okay, now that some folks have slighted your parenting, your religous beliefs and your rules...too many...too few...too strict...too lax...too religous...

I'm sure that given the law concerning 16 year olds, you've done the best you can. Lord knows, it's not easy sometimes.

First of all, stick with your religion, your going to need it. Second of all, hold her to the rules, don't let her bully you. BUT, CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES. Don't waste energy where you don't have to.

I say help her find her employment. She needs your permission. Give it freely. By all means. Then, she can learn with this job...and the next one... that life has rules. It's not just her "mean old parents" that have rules. Work has rules, pay has rules...everything has rules.

It'll keep her occupied, and she'll find out how little money grows on trees!

Best of luck to you and yours!

Answer 9

maybe getting a job wouldn't be such a bad thing. maybe she doesn't keep it for very long, but it will give her some responsibility for the time, and it will give her a taste of the real world. you mention that she doesn't care about *your* rules, so I wonder how she'll respond to the employer's rules. it might just wake her up to the fact that there are going to be rules wherever & whatever she does, and that she can't continue to do whatever she wants all the time. she has to make some changes if she wants to be independent one day.

Answer 10

maybe you should stop forcing the bible on her if that is what you are doing.
second of all, maybe you shouldn't LET her go out!!! if she can't leave the house, then how the **** is she going to come home so late at night
thirdly, how about humiliating her! take her on the maury show...if not that, then you should drive her to school and follow her from class to class to at least get her an education...if she wants to misbehave or ditch classes, then everytime she does, follow her from class to class.
the fact remains that you guys obviously are starting too late to be true parents, but you can at least start.
also, you can bring her to a counsler...
and when you asked "how should i look at this whole situation with ehr needing my help...?", well, she probably doesn't feel that she needs your help...she is 16...teach her some responsibility and if she misbehaves, she gets punished...if she does well, she gets rewarded...IT'S NOT THAT HARD.