I'm talking about a very small informal ceramony with no bridesmaids or groomsmen, and an outdoor bbq to take place of a formal reception. Is this considered tacky or rude when I easily have the means to pay for a much more expensive wedding? I've had friends who have spent a good chunk of $$$ on a wedding, and our financial situation seems better than 75% of them.
It seems silly to me to be spending thousands of dollars for one day. I would much rather spend the money on a nice honeymoon and use the rest as a downpayment for a house and buying a nice car. By foregoing the costs of a wedding, we can get so much further in life.
Do I need to return the favor by making it at the very least amoderately priced wedding? Are there certain expectations considering we're well off for our age?
2007-05-25 02:55:02 · 20 answers · asked by nenn 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Hey...if all that extra money gets a house down payment, a nice car AND vacation then go for it.
2007-05-25 03:02:37 · answer #1 · answered by Quitah 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can have whatever kind of wedding you want as long as you and your fiance are happy with it. Just because the Jones had a hugely expensive wedding doesn't mean you have to, even if you can afford it. Would you rather have a big wedding or live in a nice house? You definitely don't have to return the favor, plus your wedding will stand out as being different from everyone else's. Just make sure that the food is really good. There are bbqs and then there are crappy lame frozen hamburgers. Like I said no need to keep up with the neighbors, do what feels right for the two of you. I think being further along in your life is good thing.
2007-05-25 03:50:59 · answer #2 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should feel pressured to spend any amount even if you can afford it, no one has a right to tell you how to spend your money. I do understand why people spend a lot on their wedding, it's their choice to do that, but it doesn't have to be that way for your big day if you don't want that. Your wedding is about what you and your husband want (although I don't mean that should behave like a spoilt brat or anything) if you want a small wedding with just your family and a BBQ to celebrate that then go for it. I've seen amazing BBQ's (not just cheap burgers) and it looked beautiful, far from tacky.
2007-05-25 04:06:13 · answer #3 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, people will feel very free to tell you all the ways what you're doing is wrong. You decide with your fiance what you both want and go from there. When people offer you their advice, there's no need to be rude, you just say, yes, I know that's the tradition, but it isn't what we want. You don't need to offer any explanation beyond it isn't what you want--that's enough of a reason for anyone. No need to mention the cost savings, etc. That isn't even pertinent.
We're having a cupcake wedding cake, a destination wedding, no bridal party and a few other things that don't follow tradition, and every time someone found out about these plans, the uproar started again...we've simply told everyone the same thing....the whole traditional ta-da wedding isn't what we want. We've decided together what we want, and this is it. No further discussion...
2007-05-25 03:42:56 · answer #4 · answered by melouofs 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Weddings have NOTHING to do with money - contrary to what most people "believe". It's a time for family and friends to witness the couple getting married and then celebrating with them at a reception later. You and your man decide what you want, and how you want to do it. Period. It's not "silly" to spend thousands of dollars on one day - even a traditional wedding for an average number of about 200 guests ends up costing close to 10k with nothing "fancy" included!
Make sure your motives aren't selfish, though. If you truly want something small and informal for the right reasons, that's perfectly fine.
2007-05-25 03:08:26 · answer #5 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is your wedding and you can do whatever you want. Just make sure that your guests are provided for and comfortable.
Since you will be saving money by having a backyard reception, add some nice details that guests will appreciate. For example, you could rent a tent or some kind of covering (if you don't already have one) so that guests can get out of the sun if need be. Instead of spending tons of money on floral arrangements, just plant flowers in your yard. Then you can enjoy them all summer instead of for one day. If you are having children attend the reception, purchase some games and toys to keep them entertained.
Good luck and congrats!
2007-05-25 03:05:08 · answer #6 · answered by Mia1385 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My bf and I are also quite well-off for our age and my parents are as well, but I still don't want a big fancy, expensive wedding. (We both much prefer a planned elopement.) There are no expectations when it comes to a wedding. Do it however you want to! I agree - that money is much better spent on a home or trip and if it's your parents' money, it could go towards a future retirement, vacation, whatever. You don't need to "pay anyone back" just because they had a pricier wedding!
I know everyone says "it's your wedding" but it's so true - it's your day and YOUR money, so do what you want!!
Good luck!
2007-05-25 03:33:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are one of the most sensible and realistic brides I've seen on this forum.
Go for it. Hold your head high and pass the BBQ sauce!
The reason why your financial situation is better than most of your friends is because they squandered their hard-earned cash on a lavish affair. Bet some of those short-sighted pals are already separated by now, too - and they're still paying off the wedding bills.
Weddings are not tit-for-tat situations. You don't even have to invite people you don't care all that much about to the reception if you don't want to - and you don't have to feel bad about it either.
2007-05-25 03:08:53 · answer #8 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are expectations but you should choose whats right for you. You should make yourself happy first. Doesn't matter what you spend as long as everyone has a good time and you like it.
I had to balance a new house and renovations, and my wedding costs. I have no regrets spending more money and having it at a catering hall. Material items come and go, certain special days you remember for a lifetime.
Only you can decide.
2007-05-25 08:58:53 · answer #9 · answered by no_frills 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's definitely not rude to have your own wedding the way you want it. Having a wedding isn't doing anyone else "a favor." It's for you. Do whatever you want, no one's going to be offended that you didn't spend a ton on your wedding. People might have more fun and a casual barbeque than they would at a formal reception anyway!
Have fun, and congratulations!
2007-05-25 03:10:35 · answer #10 · answered by greeneyes_bjb 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would consider that a wise choice. If your friends or relatives are not happy about YOUR CHOICE of wedding, too bad for them! It is YOUR special day and it is YOUR money to do what you wish with it. Spending money wisely on your honeymoon or your future is a very wise choice, I think. That's my opinion.
Some people spend a fortune on the wedding and say it is once in a lifetime event. It is true it is celebrated once in a lifetime .
But not planning for the future is not good. In your case, you CAN afford it, it is just a matter of choice and I think you have a right to spend or be thrifty.
2007-05-25 03:08:16 · answer #11 · answered by Globetrotter 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋