my daughter is soo spoiled?

Question

i recently became a stay at home mom to my daughter, she is 18 months old. she has been in daycare since a really little baby, now that we are at home, everyone says she is soo spoiled. i mean sometimes if i sit down or go do something, she runs over to me, her hands out and wants me to pick her up and if i say no she crys and crys for me to pick her up. i feel bad because when i was working full time i didnt have a lot of time to spend with her, i dont want her to be spoiled where she cant play by herself and always has to be held. some people tell me to just let her cry and not pick her up, i love her and dont want her to feel neglected. whats the middlepoint with not negleting your child but not spoiling them? is their one?

Answer 1

Listen, a child can never feel too loved. If she wants to be picked up and you want to - don't worry about what everyone else thinks. Enjoy her while she's little. Now this doesn't mean that every toy, piece of candy etc. that she sees that you have to give to her. Then she would be spoiled. But love - hugs and kisses and sitting in Mommy's lap. Hey that's what small children are supposed to do.

Answer 2

You know what..I held my kids alot when they were that age. All the time. I think holding and hugging is not spoiling. I think giving them cookies before dinner because they are having a tantrum is spoiling. Buying them a toy everytime you go out is spoiling them. My kids are 4, 8, 10, 12 and 13 and trust me when I say get all the hugs and cuddling you can when they are little. So what if some things don't get done because you will have plenty of time when they get a social life and want you around less and less. As I type I just turned to the kitchen and my 4 year old is making his own bologna and cheese sandwhich and said no when I offered to help. My kids always wanted that kind of attention at that age and I am so glad I gave it to them. I never let them cry themselves to sleep but rocked them and I miss that. So take which ever advice you want because itis your life and you need to make it work. I am just saying this doesnt last forever or long enough for that matter. I would like to add..my kids do not act like spoiled brats and are very respectful to others. I get excellant comments on their behaviour and good citzenship from their teachers, friends parents etc. Yes they test mom now and then but what kids dont. I also want to say they go to bed just fine at night to.

Answer 3

First, loving your child is never spoiling them, your daughter has gotten into the habit of getting what she wants by crying rather that asking or showing you. When my children were small I worked 50+ hours not including the driving time. I then had housework in addition to that. I realized really quickly that just giving a child 10 minutes of your time, no phone, no TV, just one on one time, will sooth a child when you need to get things done and cannot be there to 100% of the time. Explain to your daughter that Mommy had something she has to do, I usually tried to find something in the same room for them to do also. If I had laundry to do, I gave them some socks to "fold" or a couple of wash clothes to "fold". They loved "helping" Mom. Giving in and having an 18 month old on your hip will soon turn into a 3 year old on your hip. As far as just sitting down for a quick cup of coffee, and the hands go up; ask them if they want to have a tea party. They will learn manors and proper etiquette as well as have special time with Mom.Be creative. Find busy work for them when you need some time for Mom stuff. It takes patience and some tears, but it does work.

Answer 4

If you are busy with another task, try finding a way to allow her to "help" you. She is old enough to help pick up toys, straighten beds, "fold" clothes, etc. It may not be done just right, but working with you will show her that you are interested in her and begin to teach her the value of helping. If you are doing something that demands your full attention and can not include her, firmly tell her NO and tell her why (NO, mommy needs to make your lunch now, I will hold you later). If she screams, ignore her. She is trying to get a rise out of you, and if you give in she will keep doing it. If she breaks something or hits, punish her (time out or spanking). Most of all, be consistent. Her change will take some time.

Answer 5

When my son was little I nicknamed him "velcro" because he was like that, always wanting me to hold him. She'll eventually grow out of it. Maybe she's so attached because you did work and now that you're home she's afraid you'll leave again. When you have something to do try getting her interested in something else before you start. Give her some books or turn on her favorite tv show. Tell her while she plays or watches the show you are going in the kitchen to cook or whatever you have to do. Tell her where you'll be and that you'll check on her in a minute and if she sits and plays while you finish whatever you are doing then after you are done you'll sit and read a book with her or take her outside or whatever she likes. She's still young and may have trouble understanding but try to explain that she needs to play while you do what you are doing or else you can't read a book or play outside or whatever.

Answer 6

I too recently became a stay at home mom. My daughter is two years old. Unfortunately at that age, she's not going to understand that your not leaving anymore. You're just going to have to be a little patient with her, she will come around. When your daughter gets to be around two she will start to play a little on her own, but she will only be occupied for so long. As she gets used to you being there, she will feel more comfortable being on her own.

Answer 7

Ignore them. You can't spoil a child with love. If you're too busy to pick her up and hold her, tell her to wait a minute while stroking her hair.

It is normal for very young children to want to be held often. Her play will occupy her more as she gets older. Children go through fairly predictable developmental stages, and their needs change rapidly. At no stage is it appropriate to reject her needs for affection, but she will become a little more independent at every stage.

Answer 8

just because you dont pick her up everytime she wants does not mean she is neglected... my daughter was the same way when i stopped working, asnd i didnt want ehr to cry. but sometimes they just have to. tell her i love you but you just cant right now... she'll get over it, it may take a while an dshe may throw a fit about it but after a few times she'll realize it's not ok to act like that... and she'll never remember it ever happened. just be patient and come up with ways to destract yourself from the crying because it can be tough to ingnore... believe me i know. and also, it wont hurt her to cry a little, no one likes for their children to cry but its their way of communicating for the time being. again just be opatient and so will she (eventually) good luck

Answer 9

Tons of kids at that age are clingy to mom, whether or not she works outside or inside the home. I wouldnt call her spoiled. She'll likely gain independence thru age.

Also at daycare she might have had other kids to play with and socialize, so used to companionship. Consider playdates.

Answer 10

Personally, i think it is just an age thing. Both of my kids did the same thing for a while. But, you really have to start discipling and cutting her off occasionally. Or, she will stay clingy for a lot longer than you want. She will be fine, just don't worry, and ignore those people that are trying to tell you how to raise your kid. She is yours afterall.