How Do I Tell Him That Hes Too Old For Me Without Being Rude?

Question

IM 27 AND MY FRIEND IS IN LOVE WITH ME- HES 44 ALMOST 45 YEARS OLD- HES GOODLOOKING FOR HIS AGE - HE DOESNT HAVE ANY KIDS AND HES REALLY SWEET AND I KNOW HE DEEPLY CARES FOR ME I WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH HIM AND ONLY AS A FRIEND- PART OF THE REASON WHY I WANT TO BE ONLY FRIENDS WITH HIM IS BECAUSE OF THE AGE DIFFERENCE- 17 YEARS AGE DIFFERENCE IS A BIG AGE DIFFERENCE(HES OLD ENOUGH TO BE MY DAD OR A GRANDMPA) I AM STILL YOUNG AND I WANT TO START A FAMILY IN A FEW YEARS- HOW DO I TELL HIM THAT I WANT TO BE ONLY FRIENDS WITH HIM WITHOUT HURTING HIM??????? I CARE FOR HIM ALOT- AND I DONT WANT TO SEE HIM HURT AT ALL

Answer 1

Tell him after you've just finished giving him the sex-a-thon of his life---that'll cushion the blow.

Answer 2

It seems that the age difference is not the only reason why your dont want to be with him , there are many relationships that have succeeded with bigger age difference. Be honest with yourself first , so you can then be honest with him. There are probably more than a few reasons why your would not want to be with this person. Honesty is the best way to be , espcially with someone you care about . Just be kind & truthful. Maybe your have let this go on this far because hes nice to you & treats you well , make sure you dont mislead him & are very clear , not being clear to him will later hurt him much more than being kindly honest.

Answer 3

Oh, don't be stupid. Not your grandfather (he would have been 17 at your birth), but a definite dad possibility. Age is only relative, and I have known many couples that consist of older men...who have wonderful families, he might have just never found someone to settle down with...but...you have an issue with the age and that is what is important.

You have to be true to yourself and to him. You have to just end it. And, be honest but not brusk or rude. He will ask you why and you will have to tell him point blank. "I think I am too young for you and I think you are too old for me."

Don't give him the line that you "value his friendship" or "I really love you but.." or "we should only be friends" crap. Please. The man has been around on this planet almost twice your age. He has more than likely heard those crappy lines before. Be honest for his sake not trying to shirk out of the task of letting him go. Letting someone go is one of the hardest things to do. Do it right.

You shouldn't have let it go on as long as it has. You will hurt him, no doubt about it. Although you may CRUSH him and make him think he is old, he isnt really that old respectively and you really are too immature for him...maybe he will see that. You know why he is sweet? Do you know why he tries to give you attention?? Because he is his age. You'll see what I mean. Good luck!

Answer 4

It's great and all that you don't wanna hurt his feelings-it shows you have a good heart.

Consider, however, what a man that much older than you can possibly want. I know you're probably mature for your age, but no matter how mature you are, you're never going to fully connect emotionally to a man 17 yrs older. He's probably (maybe subconsiously but more likely than not) consiously into the fact that you're young-you've got a young body. I'm sure he hasn't missed that observation. And doesn't it make you wonder why a man at that age still hasn't made a commitment and had children? I know there are all types of circumstances out there, but c'mon, he's probably very selfish, immature, and going through a midlife crisis.

You won't be aiding him by letting him down easy. Just up and say it: "you're too old for me." Don't be mean, but definately BE HONEST.

Good luck!!

Answer 5

You have 2 approaches:
#1 - Be honest and let him know exactly how you feel. The things you just stated are reasonable concerns & IF he is a s mature as he should be at the age of 44, he should respect your honesty.
#2 - Lie.

Either way he will still be disappointed, but not as disappointed as he will be if you lead him on by letting him think that you might give him a chance. Cut it off now!

Answer 6

Wow this sounds familiar. Well I was the guy in the exact situation you are in. I suspect that he will not be surprised that you decided that it wont work because of the age thing. Be direct, be polite, but don't beat around the bush; tell him that you do not want a romance with him. He will survive, but he will go away, the friends thing wont work it will be over. You may run in to each other and be polite but you will never be able to do things together without it being very uncomfortable.

Answer 7

Just tell him you value his friendship and love him to death... but not romantically. You don't even necessarily have to tell him it has to do with his age. If you WANT to tell him he is too old then just say, "I'm so sorry but I just think the age gap will end up being a problem. I don't want to ruin an awesome friendship by attempting to turn it into something more. I like how things are between us as it is". That isn't mean... it's just honest. Older men arent so bad though... ;-) Good luck!

Answer 8

Youve got a good heart because you dont want to hurt him..... youre gonna have to tell him oneday.........youve got a few choices, most of them will hurt the guy, but if he's in his forties he should be immune to silly things like heartache, loss and rejection. At his age he must have been there done that many many times by now, he'll get over it.

Answer 9

Let him know the truth tell him you deeply care for him but ONLY AS A FRIEND.... tell him you value your friendship with him and hopeful he'll understand.. Enough said... Short and right to the point

Answer 10

You have to be honest, yes, you may hurt him but it is better for him in the long run.

Basically you tell him that you are more comfortable dating men who are closer to your age, that you are close to him, but look at him more as a big brother than a lover & you don't want anything to ruin that.

Answer 11

you need to care for yourself also so just ell him you are creating a problem by waiting. and also the age isn't all that big of a age difference but if you are not interested then you are just not interested but don't blame it on age if there was really attraction the age wouldn't matter.