Only answer this question if you apply to it, please?

Question

How many people on here aren't very open? Who keeps their feelings bottled up, doesn't tell their friends many things about them-- maybe a bit more open with strangers? How many of these people who keep to themselves have a problem-- whether it be a disability or family issues or health conditions?

What makes you not open with your friends? Why don't you tell your friends more about you?

You see, I'm not open at all with my friends and I have many problems. They always bug me about telling them what's up and telling me to be more open. My friends have told me that they will tell a teacher or someone if they get suspicious or it seems like something serious happened or is going on. I've tried to explain to them that it won't be good if they tell someone and it's not good that they annoy me so much to tell them stuff.

I'm looking for some good reasons why you are not open, why they shouldn't tell someone that me or anyone else isn't okay, why they shouldn't annoy anyone about being open, etc.

Here's my list so far:
1. You can ruin a person's life. (Continue reading to understand.)
2. You can have that person removed from their homes.
-Sometimes they'd like that.
-Other times you can make them more upset/stressed.
*That person should be the one to decide if they should be removed from their family- not another person who's trying to "help."
3. You can make other people think that that person is mental and have to see a therapist or someone.
*That person should be the one to decide if they want to talk to someone about their problems.
4. If/when someone big/powerful gets involved, the "sick" person doesn't entirely control their own life.
-I know that some of us younger people don't completely control our own lives, but in the future, things can happen.
5. Sometimes when a person tries to "help" another, that person may get more upset/stressed and that may cause them to wish they weren't alive.

6. Sometimes you just stress that person out and you might get into a fight with them-- which puts more stress on them. The fight may result in one less friend on your part.
7. Sometimes when certain people are stressed or depressed, they don't want to talk or see or listen to or be around anyone. So when you bug them to talk, they get more annoyed. Then when you make them talk to someone who isn't even a friend like a therapist, they get really upset and stressed.
8. When people are unhappy, they want to relax, enjoy themselves, and have fun. Some people don't want to be bothered and talk about their problems. So when you bother them, you make them more unhappy.
*DON'T put more stress on them! DO things they want to do.
9. I understand that when someone is upset, as their friends, you want to know why and try to "help." But some people don't like to talk about it.
-Sometimes they don't want to tell because THEY DON'T WANT YOU TELLING ANYONE ELSE, ESPECIALLY NO ADULTS!

10. Sometimes it's better if you let them deal with it on their own. They need to leanr that there won't always be someone there, holding your hand.
*Don't bug them to tell you anything.
*Just be there for them if/when they do want to talk.
11. It's not good to have people who know just about everything about you. They can change your life-- in a bad way sometimes. Knowledge is power!

Answer 1

First of all, I love your list. I really agree with you on all of the points, and they are the main reasons I'm not that open with most of my friends, and at least not those living nearby.

As you know, I'm fairly open with strangers, and I used to be somewhat open with some of my friends in the US when I lived there. Although they never really got to know most of my thoughts. The only things I could be open about with them was the things happening there, I could never have told them all about my problems here at home. And I have enough of them. As you know it's both family issues and a long-lasting injury.

I've told some of my friends in the US about some of my problems the past year, but I came to realize they couldn't relate or understand and because of that I more or less lost a few of them as friends. Not that I really would want them to understand though, as that would require them to go through way more than anybody should have to. Therefore I wouldn't want to take the risk of telling more people, as they are great friends in all other ways. So as long as I feel people can't relate it's really hard to be open. I'd rather talk to strangers, both because they might be able to relate and because it is easier to give up on them if they can't understand.

So to sum it up, most of my friends don't know anything about the real me, and I'm not open most of the time. But then again, most people here aren't really open, since you're not supposed to show any feelings here. So I'm faking a smile just as almost everybody in this country do, which is kind of sad. In a way I wish the country as a whole could be more open, more as it is in the US. I don't think most people necessarily have a problem even though they don't express their feelings to their friends, at least not where I live. Here it's just not common at all, but in a way I think that makes it somewhat worse to really open up to anybody if you feel you need to do so. So not being open is for me somewhat a matter of the culture, but also because I don't trust most people I know enough to know they wouldn't tell anybody and by that make the situation even worse.

Still, I would agree with you that friends shouldn't bug people to tell them what's up. They will need to decide for themselves when (and if) they can trust their friends with their thoughts. Also telling somebody else (such as a teacher or another friend) would not help at all, even though there are times this would be for the best. There's just no way out of telling if you get to know somebody wants to committ suicide. If it's not gone that far, what somebody with some sort of problem need is a friend they can trust who will actually support them. At least I would find it difficult to trust those who tell other people what you wanted them to keep secret. Also, you have to be ready for talking to people about your problems, as it's not easy at all.

Answer 2

I tend to keep my feelings bottled up or sometimes I am not that open with people I know. It is probably because even though I know them their just not a real close friend. I don't care what their opinion is about me. Nor do they know very much about my life to where I would want them to offer me their opinion. After all it seems that everyone has an opinion to share on everything. Regardless, if I want to hear it or not.

Answer 3

Most people who think they know me well dont know me at all. My best friend recently said to me how I dont open up and I dont talk about things that are going on in my life. We ended up having a really long chat about everything. Point is it didnt make me feel better. It was nice opening up at the time but as soon as I got home all that I had talked about crashed on me and I felt so defeated and depressed. I may have depression and not be diagnosed but I deal with my life within myself. I dont like to appear weak and opening up makes me feel worse. Maybe it is unhealthy of me but this is the way I cope.

Answer 4

Sometimes people leave their feelings inside is if they people than those people might make it a big deal or might tell everyone your business.Cause what my mom always used to tell me you cannot trust anybody.And with people you know you know the way they are and with strangers 4 some reason you can just trust them so it's like you don't want to get to know them cause then they will get to know you and get more information out of youand then they will tell everyone .Until you never want to see them again.And people you know can aslo put way more stress on you.

Answer 5

I was like that in grade school up to my first years in college, but I tried to consider things positively and constructively forecasting a good life ahead. While I was with this attitude I kept on pondering what I would be after college and at work? What came out are negative scenario, so I tried little by little to see and process things positively and I conquered it. Now I can say that I am successful in my field of endeavor.

Answer 6

I'm less open with strangers(usually, I will NOT tell anyone here my age, state, school, grade, hair, height, weight, etc), but I feel like I can be 2 different people. One minuet, talkative and open, than another, quite, shy, hard to talk to. It's OK, but sometimes it is socially hindering.

Answer 7

You're pretty well describing the human race here. It is easier to open up to a stranger because there is no commitment. You're just gone when its over. We are all hiding something and we all have skeletons in the closet so no one really is qualified to judge you, me or anyone else.

Answer 8

Yup. I have problems telling even the simplest things to people I know. But strangers I don't have many problems at all with.

Answer 9

i do. 6 years ago my brother commit suicide and my dad walked out. i never said a word to any one about it and i never cried in front of any body over it. since i show no emotions every one thinks im ok. but really im not. ive sat through hours of therapy over the past few years but i never said a word. though on the net i am the most open person since i know no one here knows me

Answer 10

I do that a lot to, but I think I'm just afraid of what people will say. I don't think its any disability or anything. I think its just the way we look at things, which isn't necessarily that bad...