messed up kid?

Question

i know a guy 16 years old.. he is messed with by his dad and has been since 11. he has a younger brother that his dad messes with too... his dad is mean and hits them alot for such little things.

mom doesnt know about the sexual stuff but she sees and hears the times he loses his temper and does nothing ( except an occassional stop it to the dad)

the 16 yo boy is failing gym because he refuses to take off his shirt...

he has never been with a girl. he gets teased alot because of it.
he has read alot on the subject.. he does not act out.. hurt animals.. or stuff in his feelings nor does he explode.

he is pretty normal ( except for the things his dad does)

he is however confused about his sexauality but is working on making himself completely str8 because he feels he will go to hell if he is not.(not that this is relevant)

can someone go through hard times like this and be ok in life? or will he end up hurting someone or going gun crazy like the v tech shooter?

also if he waits till 18 till he moves out can he still tell on his dad or will it be too late?

Answer 1

Yes, a person can go through times, exactly like these and still be OK in life. He will probably will need some counseling, and it should start right away, the sooner the better!

He needs to report his father now! Not only for himself but also for his brother and his mother.

The fact that he is being teased by his friends for not having been with a girl is not fun, but not unusual. Teen boys tease about many things. Unless boys have changed since I was a teen, I bet that most of the boys doing the teasing have never been with a girl yet either. There is a lot of lying that goes on about that.

I was a virgin until I was 24 y/o and lots of other men were that old also. The fact that he is confused about his sexuality is not necessarily a problem. Until a man has had his first sexual experience with a woman there are doubts. When he has his first sex with a woman, all those doubts go away.

Don't let anyone tell him that because he is confused or has doubts that that means that he is gay or bi, that is simply not the case. When a person is sexually abused, especially over a period of time by a parent there are certain things that occur.

First the victim usually feels guilty and wonders if they did anything to cause the abuse. The victim did not cause the abuse but it is human nature to ask ourselves questions. The father is 100% responsible for his behavior.

The other thing that happens is that the victim usually feels some pleasue from the sex even though they don't want the abuse to happen. We are made so that some things might feel good when something is rubbed, no matter who rubs it.

Both of the above things cause some confusion. Also, a child is built to love his/her parents, no matter what they do. This causes in this case, the situation were the victim both loves and hates the father at the same time. I would encourage your friend to see a Christian psychologist because it sounds like your friend is a Christian and a lot of psychologists are not Christians.

In another question, Dr. James Dobsen was mentioned. Maybe his office may know someone in your area.

Answer 2

This kid will need professional help. Not that it excuses the actions of people who are molest children, but most who do molest were molested with as a child. This is the only crime I know of where the victim becomes the offender. If you are robbed, you do not go out and start robbing people.
If the father is abusing the boys, it could be that their mother is physically abused, and she could have been threatened. If the boy will not do the reporting, then someone can do it for him. It will be anonymous. There will be an investigation into it and hopefully the father will be removed from the house and charges brought. But both boys need help. They will need intense counseling to understand what has happened, and to keep them from becoming offenders themselves.

For more information or assistance with reporting, please call Childhelp®, 800-4-A-CHILD (800-422-4453)

If the son cannot bring himself to turn his father in, you could do it for him, or if you are not 18, tell someone at school ( teacher or principal) or your parents, and let them do the reporting.
He might not be able to overcome his confusion about his sexuality without some professional help. There is lots of help out there for victims, and there is counseling to help victims to not become offenders themselves. It would be a shame for him and his brother not to get the help they deserve and instead become offenders and end up serving time. But once they are of age, they can have to register for life on the sexual offender registry. That would be an awful result of not getting help now.
About the V Tech shooter, that is pretty extreme, although it could happen, with both sexual and physical abuse for so long. Who knows how or why some people snap and others do not. Please take steps to get these boys help.

The link below tells info on where to report in every state. Reports are anonymous, but the caller will be asked how they have knowledge of the "alleged crime", so they need to be prepared and have the home address. The school will have all information, and they already know the steps to take.
Good luck, and bless you for caring.

Answer 3

You don't say if this is your friend, but it sounds like he is a friend or acquaintance. He must trust you to share these things, and that means you are a good person.

Your friend needs to go to the authorities. If he cannot tell his mother or a trusted adult (counselor at school or a teacher he trusts, or a grandparent or aunt) then you need to report this.
Report to local child abuse authorities; you can probably do it annonymously. Usually called Child Protective Services.

They will investigate. If his mother does not kick the guy out, or do something to solve the situation, both boys should ask for CPS to take them out of the home.
This should never happen, and tell your friend it's NOT his fault....the guy is just sick, disturbed, whatever.

I hope things turn out ok.
People never completely recover from abuse like this, but they can lead normal lives esp with counseling and years of help and support!
It needs to stop now.

Answer 4

My daughter woke up at 3 am - got out of her bed - went into the kitchen, got the Strawberry Quick out of the fridge (liquid - in a squeeze bottle) and squirted the whole thing all over the living room. Not the rec room, the living room I never use. The worst EVER though - when my children were 2 and a half and 4 - their Dad left them when I was taking a nap to get some milk at the grocery store. They got up on the kitchen counter - took the sprayer, and sprayed the hardwood floor - it was almost an inch deep in some places - they said they were making an ice skating rink because we had taken them to see Monsters Inc on Ice the week before.

Answer 5

your friend really needs to get into some sort of therapy, and he and his brother need to get away from the father... this can be emotionally devastating for the rest of their lives

it's NOT his fault this happened.. he was a victim and his father is very sick...

someone needs to report his father to social services immediately. have you told your parents that your friend is suffering at the hands of his father? you might want to talk to them, or to another adult you trust and respect so your friend can get some help. his mother probably knows about the father abusing the kids, but most women in this situation are scared or in denial, so they don't deal with it (as in leaving the husband).

your friend probably won't end up killing anyone, but he could have a lot of life difficulties or even repeat the cycle, if he does not receive proper, professional help.

please, tell an adult who you know will help, or report the father to social services or the police. the father might abuse other kids, too, if this isn't stopped.

i hope your friend gets help

Answer 6

he can and should tell on his dad now, for his sake and for the sake of his brother. Such behavior must be stopped immediately. He can of course grow into a fine adult, but he should be helped immediately, or it could scar him for life and make it impossible for him to have a normal relationship with anyone, man or woman. He should tell a teacher or a school counsellor and ask them for help, or call child protective services.

Answer 7

he can still tell on his dad later
but his dad could be hurting other kids as well and maybe you need to tell someone
this boy could be perfectly normal in the future but he probably need to talk with a counselor

i really encourage you to tell someone what is going on
your friend needs you and he probable talks to you about it because he wants someone to help him and his brother
be the bigger person and do whats right turn the dad in

Answer 8

thsi happened to me when i was 8
my step dad touched me and when i fanally worked up the guts to tell when i was 10
my mom didnt beleive me.
i just try not to think about it.
i think you should tell, if not your mom then tell someone. keeping it in may not be the best thing to do.
im fine now. so i dont think you will be going to hell or end up killing some one.
but i do think you should tell someone.
or your 16 man do something.

Answer 9

it depends if he lets it get to him.it depends on if he has friends and caring people throughout his life.if he is a loner and chooses not to ineract with people it is possible he could end up hurting himself or others.ive seen it happen before.it is important for him to have people in his life that cares about him and to make him feel worthwhile and to tell him its not his fault and he doesnt deserve it and he is a good worthwhile person!thats the only thing that saved me!!!

Answer 10

In my opinion it sounds like he needs a friend.Try being polite to him and find out about his family life.Encourage him to tell an adult or a police officer.And yes he'll be ok.