Is it still traditionally the Bride's family that "host" a wedding...?

Question

Parents have been looking forward to planning my wedding and now they finally can but are being told by groom's family that it's all 50/50 nowadays, my family don't want total control but are willing to pay majority and want the wedding they've always dreamed of. Have offered to share no. of guests...is this unreasonable? Any advice greatly appreciated

Answer 1

why are you having a wedding THEY always dreamed of?

Answer 2

Traditionally the bride's family pays for the wedding and has the say in how much will be spent on what. Then the bride and groom make the arrangements within that budget. It actually isn't the bride's family at all that gets the "wedding they have dreamed of". It's the bride that gets the wedding SHE has dreamed of. What is it with parents wanting to live vicariously through their children? Tell all of your parents to grow up or you will both run off and elope.
But, if you really want to set them straight, try going to this site:
http://ourmarriage.com/html/wedding_etiquette.html
or picking up "Emily Post's Complete Book of Wedding Etiquette" from the library.
That should shut all of them up and get you and your groom the wedding that you want.

Answer 3

No I think this is very rare these days, the couples themselves pay for the majority of their wedding nowadays. Parents usually chip in, but generally its the couple who pay.

In the old days the grooms parents paid for the flowers and liquor and hosted the rehearsal dinner. This is up to you though, are you concerned that if they pitch in they would want some sort of control or is it a money issue, where they would say they would pay this much and if you chose something more expensive you are afraid they may make you get the cheaper version becaise thats what they are willing to pay?
If its control, dont take any money, if you give and inch they will want a mile, dont put yourself in a position to have to give them the mile. Tell them you are hoping that they will host your rehearsal dinner and let them have the control over that (except for the time it begins, you will want to be sure you have all the say in the time, since your rehearsal is something you work out with the minister)
If its the money, then tell them your budget and let them chip in what they want, if your parents are planning on paying for everything anyway, they wont mind chipping in the extra money to cover your tastes.

And yes, within reason you should allow her parents to put together a guest list of their own, but you have final say on who will be invited from that list, thats why you want to be sure you preface it by saying "within reason" there is no need for business contacts and laidies aide members that you are not aquainted with to be invited.
Good luck.

Answer 4

Yes, it's very common for weddings to be split 50/50 and if you're parent's insist on paying for it in full that is fine. However, the way you stated the question is that your parent's want most of the control of the wedding planning. That's not right. You have to remember that your wedding (marriage) is not all about you and not all about your parent's or your side of the family. It's is about your future hubby's wishes, his parent's dreams too.


I would go 50/50 for the money issue and plan the wedding according to what you and your future hubby want. Take suggestions openly from parent's, but let them know you would like to plan the day of your dreams. They have already been married before, now it's your time to shine.

Answer 5

Traditionally it is the Bride's family who host the wedding and as one of the other answers said you'd think the groom's family would be pleased with that. I know nowadays there are lots of parents who have divorced so in those circumstance it has changed. I agree with what you have suggested only just remember it is your day so tell them what you want and if they are anyway reasonable they should respect YOUR wishes. Good luck with your wedding and hope all goes well.

Answer 6

That's the way it USED to be, and some people do follow this tradition still so it is perfectly acceptable to word the invitation with the brides parents as host. Sometimes though, if the groom's family has also made a contribution to the cost of the wedding, it is nice to acknowledge that and have both sets of parents as joint hosts. If the bride and groom have paid for everything themselves, they may choose to put their names as the hosts, or I have also seen invites that say "Bride and Groom, together with their families...." as hosting the event.

Answer 7

you say 'the wedding they've always dreamed of' you have to remember its your day and if you would like, and think it will keep the peace let the grooms family put in some money..
traditionally yes it is the brides family who do it, and the grooms family pay for the drink bill.. but people don't necessarily follow all these traditions in our more modern society

Answer 8

Why not compromise. Agree to pay for stuff 50/50 and any extras are at your own cost!?

Sit down with them with a list of all the costs. Agree the prices and what would be sensible for both families. Then ask them if they would mind if you added to the proceedings at your own cost. As you may decide on extra's that you haven't thought of yet. It should all come down to compromise. You should explain that you think they are wonderful but don't want to take advantage of them. This way you and they can have a dream wedding but if you find you see something you just have to have you won't feel guilty and THEY should not feel obliged to put in anything towards this new list of extras.

congratulations by the way! Hope it all goes well for you!

Answer 9

I have never really heard of the grooms parents having anything to do with the wedding planning, I personally wouldn't have my in-laws helping me i couldn't think of anything worse, my parents are paying for my reception and I have told them to invite whoever they want as they are paying for it but I didn't give my in-laws the option to invite whoever they wanted, they havn't offered any help as in money etc.. so im not expecting my parents to pay for every Tom D1ck and Harry to come to my wedding, they have been asked who they would like to invite, close friends only, I dont want a load of people at my wedding that I dont know, it might sound selfish but it is my day and not theirs

You are not being unreasonable, explain to them that it is your day and you want to have it your way no-one else's

Good Luck and have a fab day

Answer 10

This is your and your fiance's wedding plan. All the choices are yours and both sets of parents acommodate your wishes. It is a really good idea to share 50/50 costs but the planning and execution of the whole thing is only open to suggestion from others, not pressure to do their bidding. It is your wedding and you must say what you both want and they must accommodate!. We did this for my daughter and it all worked out well once everyone understood what the bride and groom wanted. Its your day, enjoy it! I wish you both every happiness

Answer 11

its only fair if the grooms family want to help to let them it is a joint wedding if u think about it. at the end of the day its ur wedding not theres so u should split it in half and let ur parents do one thing and the grooms to do another part of it. the families will need to sit down and c what each other would like to do that way no one if offended