i moved in with my boyfriend in february of this year and we have had a few little problems...but a month ago my son needed some help getting on his feet and needed a place to live(hes 18) well my boyfriend refuses to let him stay here with no good reason.what should i do?? i love him but should my kids not come first??
2007-05-24 10:19:42 · 29 answers · asked by cupcake37379 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Yes I think as a mother my kids always come first. You should help your son get back on his feet and your boyfriend should understand as a mother you have to make this small sacrifice for you're child. If we as mothers don't help our children who will? I am in a relationship where I have a child that is not his and I have plenty of times let it be known that my son and his well being is my major priority!
2007-05-24 10:25:58 · answer #1 · answered by ASHES 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I sense a need for more communication between you and your boyfriend. Why not ask him in a respectful way (when not arguing about it and during and at an appropriate time- not during the game) why he doesn't wish to have your son stay for a short time with the two of you. Explain your feelings regarding the situation, and how strongly you feel about wanting to help your son get on his feet. Has this been a reoccurant behavior for your son? Does he have a job? Is he in school? Does your boyfriend have other children in his home and doesn't want to affect the group dynamics of the home? If he has younger children, or daughters, perhaps he doesn't want an older male in the home as an influence in their lives. There could be numberous reasons for his feelings, but you won't discover them until you two have a talk. Perhaps your boyfriend doesn't want to take on the responsibilitiy of having a teenager in the house. He may very well like you, but is not ready to assume the "fatherhood" position of setting rules for teens in the household. I'm sensing that you are older, since you have a teenage son. Why not get your own place with your son, or help him with the rent, and continue seeing your boyfriend. If you love him, and he loves, you, then perhaps you will be together for the rest of your lives, even after your son has moved on. Don't just throw it away because of a possible lack of communication and compromise.
2007-05-24 10:26:37 · answer #2 · answered by CandyLandCondoResident 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your kids must always come first.
He's 18 years old so technically an adult now, but he still needs you.
If your boyfriend loves you, there should be some way to reach a compromise. If not take care of your son first. Your boyfriend started a relationship with you, knowing you have a son (obviously) so he should accept you for what you your going through.
It all depends on the 18 yr old also. If he seems like a lost child, meaning lazy, causes trouble, etc. then I can understand why he doesn't want him there. But if thats not the case, he should have accepted all of you instead of just you.
2007-05-24 10:28:53 · answer #3 · answered by Lilkryptonite 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Of course the kids come first but you do have to understand where this guy is coming from, and it also depends on how big the house is too.
where was your son before this?
Your son is an adult but if he needs help and this guy loves you he should have a reason for not helping out in some small way.Like helping you to find a low cost apt or studio for him to live at.
A parent is aways a parent no matter how old your kids are or what trouble they have gotten themselves into.
He has to understand that you can't pick and choose as to when you care to help your son at the risk of him living on the street.
2007-05-24 10:31:45 · answer #4 · answered by Aaron_Michelle 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
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2016-09-05 10:30:15 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your kids should always come first but you also have to repsect that you moved in with him and not the other way around. If they can't come to a compromise you will need to tell your son that he needs to help himself and not expect you to bail him out.
Im sure your boyfriend can put him up for a few nights until he can get himself sorted. If you cant agree then there's a problem.
2007-05-24 10:24:13 · answer #6 · answered by Scatty 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your son is grown, but at 18 you need help from time to time from mom. Your husband is wrong. That is your child, I bet if it were his son or daughter he wouldn't have a problem. He probably doesn't like your son or is jealous of the relationship you guys have.
That is not a reason to leave him unless he just won't be reasonable about it. Your obligation as a mother comes first. If he acts like this about your son, he may have serious jealousy issues....you may have to leave him anyway.
2007-05-24 10:27:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
well if he's your boyfriend i think the kids should come first. hey mom has to be happy to. after all your son is considered grown. In the bible it says God first your husband then kids. not boyfriend then kids. i really don't know what to say on this one. i have a child he's only 9 now. my kids mean everything to me. i just will feel like I'm putting this man before my kids. if he loves me he will love my kids and help my boy out.
2007-05-24 10:26:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is a good reason. He may believe once your son gets his foot inside he will not do anything to get himself back on his feet but live off both of you. If he is that kind of guy then you arent helping him by doing everything for him. If he has always been a responsible son then I say help him. But if he is always depending on others its time for him to face the realities of life on his own.
2007-05-24 10:41:23 · answer #9 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your kid is 18, but your boyfriend should be willing to let him stay at least for a week or so.
See if you can arrange for him to stay with someone else.
Stuff happens, and even at 18 we need help. Maybe your boyfriend is afraid it will interfere with your relationship, or that he will never leave...ask him and find out!
2007-05-24 10:23:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋