my friend self harms, please help!?

Question

ok, my friend told only me that she selfed harmed quite a while ago. i supported her and stayed up all night, spending money i didnt have texting her when she felt down but now at schools he has been going back to her other mates. it's not because she is embaraced, i feel like she is just using me and i am just her sympathy.
ok now here is the most important bit: she wont get help, the only way i can see me helping her now is by taking her to see someone profesional because i have done everything else i can. but she wont have it, she has a go at me even though i have explained to her i will be there for her all the way. is prffesional help what she needs and how can i pursuade her to let me help her find it or find it herself?? thanks xxx

thanks, yeah talking to her parents is probably a good idea, but if she hates me for it and turns away then she has no one left and i don't think for a minute she will admit it to her parents ieven if i did tell them. can anyone think of a different wya of helpign her but thank you so much for suggesting that, i do see that it is the thing to do.

Answer 1

You can't make her get proffesional help, but you can keep doing your part and being by her side.
She may be with her other friends, and I know why you might be upset by this, but if you stay loyal and friendly to her, she'll realise what a great mate you are!!

I've been there before, and they're the lowest times ever, and I know she really appreciates your help.
If there's any teachers you or her feel close to, or feel you can trust, tell them. Instead of telling the pro's (which she obviously doesn't want to) tell a teacher, as they're always going to be there, and believe me, it does help!!

By telling a teacher it's the first step, things should hopefully get easier
x

Answer 2

Google "Borderline Personality Disorder" - I won't give you a specific web address mainly because there are lots of sites with info and it's a personal thing which ones feel an easier read when you are dealing with mental health. Finding out about BPD might help you to understand why your friend is so difficult to get through to. Not all self harmers are Borderlines, but it is nonetheless a helpful resource as most borderlines are self harmers.
She isn't trying to be difficult, but she just isn't able to get her head into a place where she can communicate what it is she really needs. She probably doesn't know. She is self harming to help herself cope, that in itself shows that she doesn't know what to do for the best, because that isn't the best thing to do.
Please remember though that she uses self injury to cope, and if she can't do it then she needs another coping mechanism in its place. In therapy you can learn things like which ways to cope are the best for you. However if her cutting (or whatever it is she does) is taken away without a replacement way to cope she may turn to something worse. In other words keeping a self injurer always in sight with no privacy, or checking their arms all the time, or hiding their blades, will make them sneakier about what they are doing, or make them switch to something else - eating control, drinking, drugs etc etc. Self harmers are desperately seeking a way to gain control over their lives and they don't react well to stuff like that. So please be careful who you tell in case they aren't as understanding about that sort of thing as you have been.

Answer 3

I used to self-harm. She may hate you for it, but you NEED to tell her parents. They are in charge of her and can get her the help she needs. From the sound of it, she feels like her friends won't understand her problem, but you do. By hanging out with you at school, she's self-admitting her problem, so she avoids you during the day.

Self-injurious behavior is often associated with depression, mild or severe. Medication and/or therapy are the ONLY solutions to the problem. Even if she stops harming herself temporarily, it will always come back when life becomes too stressful. Professional attention is critical.

Bottom line: go to her parents. She will thank you someday.

Answer 4

She needs professional help, unfortunately you can not force her to get the help she needs until she recognizes the need.
You now have to weigh if you are truly helping her - or if she is using your friendship as an excuse to avoid getting the help she needs.
Sometimes there is nothing that we can do accept pray that there will be pieces to pick up, after they have reached their rock bottom, and recognize that they need the professional help and then be ready to stand by them through that long and difficult journey back.
If at any time you believe that she is an immediate threat to her own safety you can call the authorities. In that case you are stepping in to save her life, and saving her life is more important that your friendship, as her forgiving you for calling them may never happen.

Answer 5

She definitely needs professional help! People who self-mutilate do so because of emotional pain they cannot handle.... the physical pain relieves the emotional pain. She may kick and scream about it but in the long run she'll be getting the help she really needs. It's great that you have been there for her and it is very insightful of you to see that she needs more help than you can offer.
If you are in school, talk to your school counselor and make an appointment to bring her with you. If you're not in school check on your local mental health agencies and see if they can suggest how you need to get her to the help she needs.

Answer 6

I am 34 and I used to self-harm when I was 14. My advice is to leave her to it. She obviously has issues within herself but none of these can be resolved by you. She needs to seek help herself, and I think that talking to her parents would be counter-productive. If it is an attention seeking thing she would be getting that. It sounds to me like she's using you by telling you what she does, to get the attention that she craves. I know, I was that girl once.

Answer 7

if ur friend decides to self harm herself i think that u shouldn't get envolved because it is her own business, she might not want help. then she could have an illness and can't controll it so she might 'need' special help.

i feel sorry for u because it is a very difficult choice u have to make.

if u choose to get pro help (4 her) then it could end up she is fine and u lose a mate.
if u don't help her then she could end up killing herself, or worse!

im very sorry for wot i have said, but it is the only things i could have thought of, from my own personal experience!!

ultimately i would explain to the parents maybe? but then u should respect wot ur friend chooses to do!!

Answer 8

I really feel for you as it is difficult to help people who self harm. All I can say is be there for her as you have been. However it is ultimately her choice to get help and with a problem like self harm, she needs to accept that she needs help. I know it is frustrating but that is the way it is.

Keep supporting...

Answer 9

Tell her parents or the school counseler. Talk to her about getting help, offer to go with her to a doctor if she's afraid to go alone. She may hate you for getting into her business but when she gets better she will love you for caring enough to fight for her well being.

Answer 10

I'm no expert but is there a suicide prevention hot line in your area? They may be able to direct you.

Don't tie up the line too long ok?