This is difficult ... how do I tell my mother this without causing huge problems??

Question

My 7 son year old son is just learning to swim. He will be in lessons this year. My mother just built a pool with a small section where he can barely touch, and the rest is very deep and very large. She watches my son every Friday while I'm at work. I know that my son and my 4 younger brothers and sister (12, 10, 9, 7, & 3 - adopted) will be swimming a lot.
Here's the problem - my mother is awful at watching children in the pool. She has a different view than I do on it. She walks away, sits down where she can't see them, puts a 10 year old in charge of watching 5 young children, etc. Now I'm in the situation that I have to not let my son go there on Fridays (which would hurt her feelings & make her mad), say that my son can't go swimming (which is impossible because there will be 5 other kids swimming) or ask my mom to watch him carefully (which she probably wouldn't do anyways & would be mad about).
What should I do?
Thank you!!

Answer 1

If your mom is this irresponsible then why is she watching your son in the first place? I recommend finding another babysitter...whether or not your son will be near the pool.

I can understand that you don't want to hurt your mother's feelings but as a mother it is your main responsibility to ensure your son's safety. If your mother is unwilling to comply with your reasonable rules then she needs to accept the fact that she will no longer be a caregiver for your child. Just tell her that you appreciate her help and feel it's of importance that your son has a relationship with his grandmother but since the two of you clearly do not share the same viewpoints on safety you have decided to seek out other sitters. As long as you allow your mom to see him on other occasions she will eventually get over it. If she doesn't then it's better to have this situation then deal with your son's death due to negligence.

Answer 2

I wouldn't be too concerned about whether your mom gets angry or not, I mean it is your child and you have every right to be concerned about his safety. I have a 6 and a 7 year old son who cannot swim yet either and I would not hesitate to tell my mom to make sure they do not go in the deep end. If there are that many kids there also, maybe the older ones can help her watch them if she isn't very good at watching them. I would tell her to watch him carefully, make sure he has floaties on, and also sit the three older kids down and tell them it is VERY important that they keep an eye on the younger kids when your mom isn't around (or even when she is). You might even offer the kids a dollar each to help your mom out with this task. Kids are VERY perceptive to a cash reward for their hard work!! : ) Hope this helps!!

Answer 3

This is hard because you appreciate that your mom is helping you out but you are being the responsible parent. Good news though, you can take a breath and relax because your son sounds like he will be fine. Purchase a life jacket and teach him how to put it on. Make sure he can do it by himself. Tell your mom and all of the other children to make sure your boy always has his life jacket on in the pool and never goes in alone. As long as it fits snug the life jacket will protect him and the other kids will be there to call for help if he needs it. You don't have to tell your mom you don't agree with the way she watches the kids, just let her know of your aprehensions of him swimming in general and ask her to keep a special close watch on him. This way you are being vunerable to your mom and telling her the truth without hurting her feelings. Good luck! He will be fine.

Answer 4

Always do what is right for your kid. IT DOESNT MATTER WHOS FEELINGS GET HURT. Your primary job is to protect him, he is a child. Your mother is an adult who needs to deal with whatever hurt feelings may come her way. Bottom line, dont let him over there. Also, you need to sit down with her and lay it on the table that she doesnt watch the other ones properly esp around the pool. No matter if she gets mad. The kids come first. Enlist other family members to talk to her as well. Maybe if enough people talk to her, she will at least change her attitude and watch them better. They also make these alarm things that go in pools in case someone falls in, that may help. Leave lots of literature about pool safety around for her to "find" . Either she is clueless or too prideful to change her ways. Launch a full scale attack and hope something sinks in but dont leave your kid there. good luck.

Answer 5

Your child is much more important than your mom's feelings. At your child's age, drowning is the number one cause of death and it can happen in just minutes. No adult should ever let kids swim in their pool without constant supervision. Check the Red Cross website for some stats on this and use it to explain to your mom why your kid can't swim there. Maybe find someone more responsible to accompany your child that will watch the pool the whole time?

Answer 6

I know this is a very difficult thing to go through and I'm sorry you're in this position. You need to remember, though, that your first and most important priority is your son's life, not your mother's feelings. If it were me, there is no way I would leave my son with my mother or ANYONE if I thought for one second he would not be safe. Even if there is a slim possibility he may not be watched carefully, I wouldn't send him. You would NEVER, and I mean NEVER forgive yourself (or your mother) if anything happened. The ONLY way I would let him go is if my mother promised me he would not go in the backyard without a life jacket on. Good luck.

Answer 7

That's a no brained Your son's life is more important than your mother's feelings. You answered your own question, she doesn't sound fit to watch your son or children in general. If I were you I would make other arrangements for your son on Friday 's and have piece of mind.

Answer 8

You should tell her regardless if it will hurt her feelings. You need to insist that your son can't swim (since she can't be relied on to watch him). Also you need to tell her that she needs a safety fence around the pool if she is caring for so may young children. If she refuses to honor you request you will have to get another care provider. Just imagine if you held your tounge to save her face and your son or one of the other kids drown.

Answer 9

Seriously, tell her to wake up. There is no way that a 10 year old could watch that many kids safely. I agree with others. Who cares if she gets mad, thats better than your son getting seriously injured or dying. No brainer

Answer 10

Your son's safety is much more important than your mother's feelings in this. You've just got to talk to her and tell her that you don't feel he's safe with that setup, and that you'd like him to stay out of the pool this summer. Maybe next summer, after he's a more confident swimmer, he can go in; but for this summer, he needs to stay out.