Who should walk me down the aisle? I would love advice?

Question

I don't know what to do? I am getting married in Nov. '07. My dad is looking forward to walking me down the aisle. I don't like the thought of it. We're not close, I have a lot of resentment toward him (childhood stuff), he's an alcoholic...and I know that he is looking forward to it. However, he has always been selfish. He's not helping out withe the wedding financially. NOt that money is everything, but it just reminds me of how self absorbed he is. I hate the thought of him even attending my wedding because he will be falling over drunk and I'll be humiliated! I once had to help him to his room after a reception because he couldn't walk. My mom suggested that I have my brother or her walk me down the aisle. I don't want him recognized at all. My step mom and dad will be livid and shocked and I'm sure hurt. What should I do? Am I going to the extreme? I don't know how to tell him how I feel either. I thought about writing letter? Any advice?

Answer 1

I would sit your Dad down and tell him how you feel. It is your day and I would ask who you want to walk you. I had a girlfriend once who was in a similar situation and she walked herself. If you feel the need to have someone give you away, then ask the person whom you want. Also I would let him know in no uncertain terms that you don't want your day ruined and that if he intends to get rip roaring drunk at your reception then he can stay home. You are getting married ...you and your to be husband should make the arrangements YOU BOTH desire, as you will apparently be paying for the whole wedding. Congrats and good luck!

Answer 2

According to eHow, some options you might consider are:

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* Consider having both of your parents accompany you down the aisle. This is traditional in Jewish weddings, and it's becoming more common in non-Jewish weddings, as it allows both parents to share the honor equally.

* Walk down the aisle alone if you prefer it. British royalty do it, and you can, too.

* Think about walking down the aisle with your husband-to-be if you don't want any suggestion of being given away, and if you prefer not to walk alone.

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They have a couple of tips too:

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* If you have a stepfather or biological father who will not be walking down the aisle with you, consider including him by dancing with him for your father-daughter dance or by asking him to make the first toast. [In your situation, the dance might be best. Don't give an inebriated person have the mic at your reception.]

* Remember that this is your wedding, and it's your decision to make. Do what feels right to you.

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I agree with this last sentiment. This wedding day is about you and your future husband.

If you are going to say something to your dad - or broach him not walking you down the aisle, I would address everything as early as possible though, so he can have time to be upset and get over it and accept it by the time the wedding rolls around.

It's best too if your mother agrees with you. People get tense and take sides pretty quick over weddings, so having some key support on your side will be important.

From my personal experience, my then-finance and I made the decision to not serve alcohol at our reception. I have several family members on my side who are "on the wagon" and very much appreciated this decision.

There was one family member who was a known lush who in fact had a delightful time at the reception and wrote a letter saying how nice it was to see everyone together. Had he been drinking, we don't think that would have happened.

Another family member walked out of our ballroom and found the bar in the hotel and got drunk there, away from the reception.

Good luck and congratulations.

Answer 3

I am going to be in the same situation with my father when I get married, it's like you are talking about my dad lol
I would say let him know honestly how you feel, bring up every little thing that has been haunting you and causing you resentment all this time(missed birthdays, drunk at receptions, selfishness, etc), he may still have it in him to be a good guy, just maybe needs a slap in the face. Make sure you stick to your guns though, because you are going to get a lot of flack for the decision.
You are doing the right thing though, it is YOUR special day, not HIS, so if he makes it about him(as I know my dad would), remind him kindly of that.
Go with your heart on who should walk you down. Who means the most, who has been with you through thick and thin, who do you have that bond with? Whoever it is, just go with your heart =)
Best of luck to you hon! I hope the wedding is wonderful!

Answer 4

If you aren't comfortable walking down the isle with your father than don't. It would ruin your wedding if you felt acward all day. If your brother was/is a big part of your life and was always there for you growing up go for it. At least you would be comfortable. Also for a third option. You could walk down the isle alone. You can just tell your father that you don't want to be given away at all by anyone.

It's not extrme and it's done all the time.

I think a letter would be a nice way to tell him but face to face would mean more, and it might make you feel a little bit better. You don't have to tell him the reason why but at least you will know he got the message. With a letter you would be sitting there waiting for his call to see if he got it and read it.

Best Wishes to you and your soon to be Hubby! :)

Answer 5

I have this same problem with my dad-we are not close and there is nothing I would want from him for my big day-however you should politely tell your dad you do not wish that he walk you down the isle-if he respects you he wont throw a fit, he might be hurt at first but he should understand why. Would you really want to take the chance with your father coming to you belligerent and walking you down the isle-that would look foolish and ruin your day. If writing a letter would help you then that is ok, let your step mom know how you feel too.
My first choice would be to have your mom and your brother walk you down, if not if you are comfortable with your fiances dad or if he has a step dad or even if you have a best friend, grandparents or even uncles. Remember it doesn't have to be a male, it could be a mother, grandmother, sister or even best friend. I know that for whatever reason it is your choice and your day and you just need to sit down and think who would it mean the most to to give you away (besides your dad). I hope this helped. My boyfriends step dad is giving me away (I have known him longer than my boyfriend has been his step son for), I know my dad is hurt but he knows that there has been nothing between us for a while.
good luck and congratulations.

Answer 6

This is YOUR wedding. If you want someone other than your father to walk you down the aisle, that's your choice. You're going to remember this day for the rest of your life. While some things are going to go wrong that you have no control over, this is something that is YOUR decision. Don't choose your dad just to spare his feelings and then live to regret the decision. Do what you need to do to make the wedding perfect for YOU.

Answer 7

I had my step dad walk me down the aisle and I'm sure my dad was hurt but he wasn't close to me...I did write him a letter and I think it helped a little but the thing that really changed my dad was when I had kids..

As to who you should have...if you and your brother are close- pick him. It's your wedding not your dads. Otherwise you could just walk by yourself...weddings are something to make happy and you shouldn't feel like you have to do something because someone will be mad...they will get over it!

Answer 8

Hmmm I know how you feel,I'm not close to my dad either,and I would hate the idea of letting him be involved in my wedding in any way.And your case is worse,because you know for certain that he will get drunk and humiliate you.The only advise I can give you is this:This is your day,you should do whatever makes you happy.If that means that your dad won't get to walk you down the isle,well too bad for him.You shouldn't sacrifice your happiness and will to make other happy,especially on this day and especially to a man that has offered you nothing but pain.Do what your heart tells you to do.And as for how to tell him,just be straight with him,tell him you would rather have somebody else walking you down the isle,you don;t have to explain your wish to him,and if he gets mad or sad well,that's his problem.I know it's easier said than done,I have said a hundred times I will cut my father out of my life and still it's hard even though he hurt me over and over again...good luck,I hope you have your dream wedding!

Answer 9

I'm not getting married any time soon but I have a situation like that. My dad has never been there for me and I don't want him in the wedding. So my grandfather, who has been a dad to me, is going to do it. I understand where your coming from and if you don't want him in the wedding then don't let him be in it. Your brother could walk you down or an uncle. Don't worry about your dad. After all, it is YOUR wedding not his.

Answer 10

Well I understand where you are coming from. My dad used to tell my mom it wouldn't kill us to go hungry a couple of days while he went out and got plastered. I am getting married in a year and I've already asked my brother to walk me down the aisle. Trust me it was a hard decision but I don't wanna look like a fool. Maybe he will be so drunk he won't show up and you won't have to worry about him embarrassing you. But I would definately go with your brother.