My family recently had a major financial upset. I lost my job, we lost our home and didn't have a stable place to stay. I am working diligently to reverse the effects of the upset by completing courses. I am nearly done and will start work again in September. My husband says it's turning me into a snob. I am hoping that my son sees if you work hard you can overcome disaster but there are times I look into his eyes and I see sadness. I know college is not a right, but I really want this M.A. so I won't have to rely on my husband and make the decisions I should have made before. Is this selfish? Or do you think my son will learn anything profitable from this? I'm looking for differing perspectives.
2007-05-24 06:40:48 · 14 answers · asked by REGINA J 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
The sadness is a result of not having you around...u have to make time to study so he feels that is taking away time that he feels should be spending with him.
Just make sure u set aside time for him so he doesn't feel neglected.
In the long run he will a valuable lesson from you...he will know that his mom made sacrificeres so you and him could have a better life and he will learn that things are not handed to him and he has to work for everything he wants in life.
2007-05-24 06:45:47 · answer #1 · answered by queenzhottie78 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your son will learn volumes...my mom was a single mother and struggling until she decided to go back to school when my brother and I were7 and 8. It was hard...there were definitely some rocky times...I was not a very good girl and dropped out of school and left home at 15...got pregnant at 18....and life hit me hard. I remembered that if my mother could get a University degree as a single mother of 2...I could do as a single mother of 1. I went back to highschool, went to university an now I have an honours bachelor degree with a great job. Not saying that your son will make bad choices like I did early on, but he will see and remember the hard work you did to give hima better life. He may not see it now, but he will when he is really old enough to understand. I say go for it. It's not selfish, it's good for you and your kid...You do have added pressure from a marriage that my mother and I didn't have but if you can survive losing a job and house and still want to fight to get back on your feet...I bet you can do anything.
2007-05-24 13:51:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how old your son is, but if he's old enough to see your efforts, and so too old that he's already set in his ways, then this is a good decision.
More than anything, I would tell you this - if this is good for you and for your famly....if this will help you guys to be more settled financially, be able to pay the bills again, put food on the table, then it is the right thing regardless of whether your son appreciates it.
As far as your hubby goes, try to sit down with him and explain why you are doing what you are doing. He may be feeling guilty that things happened the way they did. He may feel like you are laying blame. If you love him, then be sure he knows that all you want is to help out for the family.
Finally, be sure you are spending quality, loving time with both of them. You can put food on the table, but if everyone is unhappy and feeling unloved, it won't matter because there won't be a family there to receive it.
May God bless you and your family!
2007-05-24 13:46:01 · answer #3 · answered by whatrukidding 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should be proud of what you're doing. It can be difficult for a young child to understand these things, but that doesn't mean you should quit. You're doing this to better your family's life, it's not selfish at all.
I'm curious about your husband's comment. Did he go to college? My ex-husband was uneducated, completed grade 9 and that was it. When I was in college, he would frequently make comments like that, that I thought I was better than him or smarter than him ect. it was really just his own insecurities! Don't let it get you down!
Absolutely your son will learn the value of education and that you're never too old to go back to school.
2007-05-24 13:49:21 · answer #4 · answered by who-wants-to-know 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My mother went to Pharmacy School when I was growing up, and yes, it was extremely difficult for us. Years later, my siblings and I had opportunies that we would not have had otherwise. (My life could have been dramatically worse. When she graduated, we moved out of a bad neighborhood). Now, I have a master's degree and I am starting on a second in the Fall. I am thankful that my mother set the trend for us.
Your family probably feels a little neglected, because, hey, grad school is demanding. The trick is, never forget what you are doing this for. Family comes first, before school or career. If you lose sight of that, then it will not go well for your son. Right now you have to devote your time to school. But when your life and your family's lives improve, all of this should start to make sense to them.
And you could encourage your husband to go to school next. ;)
2007-05-24 13:52:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you are trying to be independent and make a better life for your family. It is admirable! Just talk to him. Tell him right now things are hard and you can't spend as much time as you like but once you are done, you will be able to spend more time with him and you guys will have a better life. Tell him your motivation and why you are doing it.
If your husband can't be supportive and y'all are always fighting, that might be why your son is upset and sad. Whether your husband understands or agrees or not, he should support you.
2007-05-24 15:17:58 · answer #6 · answered by wondermom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's great that you're getting your MA. The reason you're doing is not so great. Marriage is a team effort, and you should be relying on your husband for everything. This is what your son should be learning, having a help mate and a spouse that supports you and that you can count on.
2007-05-24 16:15:43 · answer #7 · answered by jonesk_92656 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should finish college and make a better living for yourself. Not having money is not fun. If you are almost done then you should finish and tell your son you are doing it for him. Going back as an adult is much harder then going right out of high school. You should be every proud of yourself. Do not quit now that you are so close to finishing.
2007-05-24 13:49:35 · answer #8 · answered by sis74100 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You go girl! You sound like a strong and loving mother who is trying to better herself to better the opportunities for her family. Keep it up. The short term sacrifices are hard, but they are short-term and can lead to a real change your family's life.
I'm so sorry that your husband is not more supportive. It may be that he's feeling guilty that he not doing as much as you. Try to support him as much as you're able, but really you are right to focus on improving your life for yourself and your children, with or without his help.
Best of luck to you and your family. Keep being strong!
2007-05-24 14:02:23 · answer #9 · answered by OrangeDeb 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not being selfish. What you are doing is for your son as much as for yourself. I believe that your son will learn a great lesson from you not giving up and from your drive to be self reliant and your desire to take care of your family. No doubt your son is sad and perhaps missing you, however, it won't last forever. One day he will thank you for your efforts.
2007-05-24 13:49:15 · answer #10 · answered by Sptfyr 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋