Why do women have to sacrifice all the time?

Question

I have 2 girls under the age of five. I have moved to a new place, i am staying home with my daugthers. Why do women always have to think about family first? Is it worth it at the end. I don't know but i am doing the same thing many moms have done and are still doing. I recently rejected 85K job to raise my girls. I enjoy the process, but why do men never ever think of adjusting their work. My husband is a doctor/researcher, and in the entire discussion with him (about my job), i never heard once about his sacrifices.WHY????

Answer 1

With your attitude, marrying you would be a sacrifice. Too bad only $85K was worth more to you than your choice to have children.

Answer 2

Maybe he isn't telling you what he feels he sacrificed. Men have secrets too. What good would it do to argue with you about who is making the biggest sacrifices? That is just a go-nowhere fight. You sound very resentful about letting go of a job, that honestly doesn't pay that well once you minus taxes and daycare, to do the most important job of all-raise your children. I'm not sure why you would feel that is a sacrifice-it is a blessing. Helping your children create and build who they become is the greatest gift a mother can get-and once they begin to not need you as much (going to kindergarten, moving out to college, etc) there will be a void in your heart that you will find hard to fill. Not having that extra time in the morning when my youngest (who is now in school) was home-where it was just him and I and we could eat marshmallows if we wanted or lay on the couch with a blanket watching a DVD-is sad to me. I miss our time together-and my special time with all of our children-and believe me I had plenty of craziness where I thought I'd just lose my freaking mind. But, once those moments were taken away, never to return, where you had plenty of time to go grocery shopping, or have a neat home-it was a feeling of loss for awhile. I hope your children are not feeling your resentment because they often can pick up on things like that. You can get that stupid, unfulfilling, underpaying job later-where that boss you know is an idiot tells you everday what you're doing wrong-right now, enjoy what you have because, in the blink of an eye-it will be gone-and you'll wonder why you wasted that time being resentful.

Answer 3

Everyone makes sacrifices, but it sounds like you are more concerned about YOUR job then about your kids. That's sad. Get your priorities right. Your husband is sacrificing too. By the way, no amount of money is worth more than YOU raising your kids rather than a day care raising them; especially 85K. How are on earth are they supposed to trust you if you haven't raised them and they know that you care more about your career and 85K then them? Don't sell them and their future for a salary and your own happiness. This isn't an issue about whether men or women sacrifice more, it is an issue about you and your priorities. If you didn't want to sacrifice then you shouldn't have had kids.

Answer 4

The only things we can sacrifice are the things that are dear to us. What’s most dear to you? The $85K or the good of your family? The reason I mention that is because *that* needs to be the focus when identifying ‘sacrifices’. I wouldn’t begin to know what’s best for your family. And certainly, what’s best for your family may very well not be what’s best for the next family. But you and your husband have to decide what makes the best sense for your family.

I might ask, “Why do **I** always have to mow the lawn??!!” Well - because it makes sense for me to mow the lawn and for my wife to do other things that work best for the family. You both need to decide what roles you'll play in the family, what makes most sense for the good of the family as a whole, and then work to make it happen. Both will likely sacrifice for the family, but when the most important concern is what’s best for the family, then the ‘sacrifice’ is easier to swallow.

Answer 5

We sacrifice and think about family first because we want to - it's our motherly instinct. We step up to the plate immediately. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I find myself blaming my husband sometimes for the fact that I don't get to do as much for myself as he does. Well, you know what? I figured out that it has been my own fault! Yes, he does do more for himself than I ever will, but I need to make myself happy too! I have designated one night a week as my night and I do whatever I want (shopping, meeting girlfriends for dinner/drinks, visiting, etc.). There is nothing in this world more important than raising our kids. If you are in a position that you can afford to stay home, I think it's great!

Being a homemaker and raising kids is a lot of work, but I have friends who find ways to make it less monotonous. They get involved with the school, go to mommy-n-me classes, take the kids to playgroups, or just hang out with other stay-at-home moms.

I'll never forget what my midwife told me after I had my first child - she said that I will always do more than my husband; it's just that way. I didn't want to accept that. I tried to make it different, but it didn't work. Things got better once I accepted the fact that I'll make more sacrifices on behalf of myself and my children and my life is much happier.

I hope you can also find peace and understanding with this issue.

Answer 6

It is expected that the woman will handle things within the home. This includes child rearing. Men are generally raised to believe that wives and mothers will take care of everything, and their involvment is limited to working outside of the home. Pressure forces women to juggle many things. Personally, I think there can be a good balance between mothering children and working outside of the home (if this should become an option for you later) For now, if you are going to be a SAHM, be the best you can be, and take care of your family.
Many women do not have loving husbands to depend on, remind yourself that keeping your family happy is your main goal.

Answer 7

Although you indicate that you enjoy the process of giving up the $85k for your children, it sounds like you may be harboring some resentment towards your husband. One thing to remember is that men and women are intrinsically different in just about every way. It's difficult to take a woman's frame of mind or thoughts and work them into the thought process of a man.

Many men sacrifice for their families, but when they think of "sacrifice" they may think of different things than what you feel to be "sacrifice" in your life--it's all relative.

For instance, my husband is an attorney with his own practice, I work a full-time job in sales, clean our house, cook dinner for him every night, do all of his laundry, landscape our yard, and handle ALL of our personal finances (including his). We made a deal--he keeps up-to-date on everything for his practice--bills, taxes, everything and does not procrastinate, and helps around the house if and when I ask him to. I feel more appreciated and loved in my life than I have ever felt before...even with taking on more of the "workload" for our family.

I have given up a lot of my personal time and some of the things I enjoy, but there is nothing I enjoy more than feeling happy and comfortable in my own skin--in the situation I am in.

It sounds like your situation may need a little bit of adjusting so that you can feel appreciated. You deserve to be happy no matter WHAT role in the family you fulfill!

Answer 8

Women are the ones who always make sacrifices...I don't know if its in our nature...but if we don't do it...things don't work right. I'm raising 4 kids and am married...just finished my RN, clean the house, grocery shop, pay bills, do everything, and I mean everything. and now that I have this new job...my husband wants to stay home a quit his job and take care of me. Problem is...we need two incomes to buy a house and he still wants to quite...
there is no reason a woman can't have both worlds...even if you go back part time. At least it will get you out of the house and doing something else that makes you feel good.
On the other hand...you can still feel great about yourself...because being a good stay at home mom and wife is a job in it self...
Either way...take pride in yourself...think about all you do for your family and your husband. It's a hard job to do what you do.Don't forget about yourself along the way though...because once the kids are gone...if you don't plan for that day you will feel unaccomplished and lonely...

Answer 9

It is a human nature, when we are sad, we try to isolate ourselves. I can read isolation in your words when you say "Why do women" ?

Its not just women, sometimes men have to sacrifice. I agree, in your story, you being woman have to sacrifice. Your career/job has been overshadowed by his.

If he is not willing to cooperate, there's little you can do. You have a choice

1. Raise your girls to the best of your ability.
2. Join your favorite job.

Take a higher prospective and look at it as a price for a brighter future of your girls ? Remember that your children would always admire and respect you because you sacrificed your freedom, desire and dream.

They at their time would know the meaning of DREAM

Answer 10

I am a stay at home mom. I don't consider myself sacrificing at all. I am extremely lucky to be with my children all the time. I never miss a school event, ball game or anything.

My husband is an Engineer and works hard for our family. He sacrifices the time with the kids so that he can support us. Men sacrifice too. They just don't complain about it!

Answer 11

I actually know quite a few men who have stayed home while the wife went to work during the day. Then the man went to work at night. It is a compromise that you and your husband have to agree upon. If you don't actually discuss it before you get pregnant then it is just natural for the man to think that you might be staying home. If you really want to work, put the girls in day care and stop complaining.