Please tell me who you think is right or wrong? For the past two years, her husband has been mad and didn't want sex because she wanted to go to get her masters degree. He never told her how angry he was. He pretended everything was fine. They went on vacation, visited us, and everything seemed normal. The wife never compained about it because they were also trying to sell their house and they were both stressed out. It was a big house and they had trouble selling it because the prices of houses declined and they were going to lose money. When they finally sold the house, the lady who bought it wanted $10,000.00 more at the last minute. On top of all that stress their family cat that they loved so much died. The stress was overwelming and after they sold the house, the husband says he is through and don't want to be married anymore. He said he wanted a divorce because she didn't care about sex, but he never asked her for it because of all the stress. Is he wrong or is she?
2007-05-24 05:05:22 · 9 answers · asked by shirlandjerry@yahoo.com 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
They both need to grow up. He should not have used sex as a punishment, that is childish. She should have seen that it was not natural to not engage in making love with her husband.
They should get counseling, both individual and couples.
Dusty
2007-05-24 05:19:37 · answer #1 · answered by Dust in the Wind 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say they are both wrong. He should have told her how he felt about her return to school. She should have talked to him about it in depth. They are both at fault for the lack of sex. He should have asked for sex, she should have noticed that he wasnt asking. Instead they walled each other off and ignored the elephants sitting in the room with them.
Stress is a great amplifier of issues. When the house didnt sell quickly, the cat died, and she had homework they let that over shadow the initial issues and that only made things worse. It wore them down physically and emotionally. Now that the stress is gone they dont want to deal with each other.
Instead of seeing a divorce attorney they should go see a counsilor. They should go to couples counsiling and learn some good communications skills so that the next time something like this happens they are better prepared for it.
2007-05-24 12:16:02 · answer #2 · answered by Beth W 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Neither of them is right, just as neither of them is wrong.
What happened in this case is failure to communicate. Obviously if there was no sex for 2 years, one of them should have been able to open up to the other and discuss the issue. Being too busy is no excuse for no communication. It doesn't take long to say, Honey, can we talk for a minute.
I am sure you are not hearing the entire story either. Sex is probably not the only issues in play in this situation. It sounds as though the husband is just unhappy.
If he still loves her, they could try and work it out. Maybe see a counselor and talk it out. Otherwise, it is probably best to split up now.
2007-05-24 12:17:20 · answer #3 · answered by Jen 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Neither is "wrong," but I would say that they don't sound very compatible. They certainly want different things (she wants to continue her education, he wants her not to), and neither seems to have very good relationship skills (he withholds sex instead of discussing the real issue, she apparently goes two years without questioning this or, seemingly, making any advances herself). As for "seeming normal" while on vacation with you, that's not uncommon - even the most screwed up couples can usually put on a good front in public.
Sounds to me like they'd both be better off apart, getting help for their petty and passive-agressive behavior, and then moving on with their lives.
2007-05-24 12:18:38 · answer #4 · answered by stmichaeldet 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a third party, you can never know the whole story. There may be other things going on that you don't know about. Bottom line, let them sort their own issues.
Only suggestion I would make is, if the stressors have calmed down to some degree, give it a few months to see if the relationship improves.
2007-05-24 12:23:01 · answer #5 · answered by silverbullet 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To me, these are all symptoms of a larger concern. This is passive agresive behavior. The man seems to have difficulty getting his needs met, and it sounds like his wife tried to get a degree in mind reading. My advice is to let her go get that degree. Then in a few years, they could rendezvous at the circus, and then go get a hotel room!
People change when they want to. Until then, be a friend to both of them. It'd be interesting to ask each one their advice if this was happening to you and your wife!
2007-05-24 12:58:14 · answer #6 · answered by Michael H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are wrongs on both sides here. She never communicated about her wanting the masters degree AND sheused Sex to try and hurt her husband. He also didn't communicate.
THey need to learn to communicate, how to argue and discuss when things go wrong and how to work through the problems.
2007-05-24 12:18:23 · answer #7 · answered by Marvinator 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes its wrong because he didn't talk to her about his concerns. He can't expect her to know something is wrong if he doesn't say anything about it. He is the only one to blame for that situation. He needs to wake up and talk to his wife about his concerns and if she doesn't care then he has a right to leave, if she does care then they can work on the marriage
2007-05-24 12:15:15 · answer #8 · answered by CaliGuy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What they need is marriage counseling. However, the problem with men, in this easier age of divorce, is that they tend to want to just wash their hands of the whole thing and move on. It's the "grass is greener somewhere else" mentality.
Yes, he's stupid, but she's probably lucky to get rid of him.
2007-05-24 12:10:13 · answer #9 · answered by TotalRecipeHound 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋