How do you handle a compulsive liar that is a family member?

Question

She is an adult with a husband, toddler and one on the way. She mainly lies to control situations and get her own way. Her husband doesn't quite see the extent of her lies. "Love is Blind". She has been caught by parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and friends of the family. No one wants to meddle in their marriage so they just let her contiune lying. What do you do? Yes she has been to counseling 3 times. The last time when confronted in a lie in the therapist's office she stormed out and never when back. Will their children grow up learning this trait? Also her biologial father was bipolar.

Twinsma-these lies come to a head in front of several family members at the same time. It isn't just a one on one conversation. There is usually more that one person at the same time that KNOWS she is lying.

Answer 1

This is absolutely a great question, I also have people in my family who does exactly same thing, I really understand what you mean. It makes you hurt and very upset, but you can't find a way to tell those people about their such habbit as they just storm out. Another thing, I notice about such people, they are very defensive, they just want us to be "yes man". Complusive lying is addictive behaviour. These people may have some past history of trauma. Her father was bipolar, that could be also a reason, she may had a very depressing atmoshphere at home, and she may lie to get more attention and value from people. After dealing with same kind of people in my family, I have learnt one thing, it's almost impossible to change these people, they may learn little bit but changing them is almost impossible as they take it as an insult.

I have some information for your consideration:

There are a number of reasons that people lie. The first is fear. This is the most common reason that people may lie, and they are taking shelter from a perceived punishment. It may be because they know they have done something wrong a single time, in which case it is not compulsive lying. But if they are always in fear of being punished, it may become a habit, which is a second reason for lying. In this case, it may become compulsive lying, which is lying by reflex. Even when confronted by the truth, they insist the lie is the truth in this case. A third case is learning to lie through modeling. When a people see others lie, especially when they get away with it, they may become more prone to lying. Finally, people lie because they feel if they tell the truth they won't get what they want. Thus, out of the main reasons for lying, only lying by habit can truly be called "compulsive lying."

Increased lying has been seen with a number of psychiatric diagnoses such as ADHD and Bipolar Disorder. With ADHD people will often say "I don't know why I did that", and when confronted about why they lied, their answer will be the same. ADHD children also display impulsivity, and they may lie implusively. Bipolar Disorder can be associated with low serotonin levels, which has been implicated in impulsivity, which, as indicated before, makes a person more prone to lie.

Pathological lying, though, can be thought of as being associated with a select few psychiatric diagnoses, which normally have their onset during adolescence. Namely, these are Conduct Disorder and Antisocial Personality Disorder. In conduct disorder, it is common to seelying, conning people and other forms of deceit. In Antisocial Personality Disorder, there is a pervasive pattern of disregard or the rights of others, and with this, the person with this disorder will often lie to get what they wish – usually money, sex or power

Good Luck!

Answer 2

Sometimes what you think is a lie is really a difference in how the person experienced it. For example, two people whitness a car accident. One person says it was the blue cars fault the other says the white car. From each of their own perspective and how the information filters through their brain each person believes they are right. Because they have a different experience does that mean someone is lying? Be very careful who you call a liar. You may think you have the truth, but you may have faulty filters or be misinformed. I realize there are plenty of ppl who do lie. A lie is an untruth told to the self and another person that helps the person to promote their own agenda. An example would be... a relative is gossiping about someone to another relative. When confronted that person says how dare you I never gossip, you are crazy. Did I make the difference clear? The reason I point this out is because if you really want peace and understanding in your family relationships, you have to have consideration for all perspectives. When there is consideration among families, if there is a lie told or a misunderstanding, it is much easier to face it knowing you will be loved and accepted regardless of your mistakes.

Answer 3

One day she will hang her own self...and her hubby will see though her lies...even a egg stealing dog will get caught one day..to catch her in a lie make it like a surprise but have the hubby with you when it happens..have her say one thing to him and you know whats going on then say...when you 2 see her..I thought she said this....and see whats happens...

Answer 4

people have caught her in her lies so it's not like no one knows about it. she's only kidding herself. when the lies and stories start flying, get up and walk away. you can't stop it but you damn sure don't have to listen to it. if more of the family would do the same, she might realize that no ones listening.

Answer 5

This is very familiar to me. People let her get by with lying to avoid having to really deal with her and how she would react to being caught in a lie. She will not stop unless your family shows her that they will not tolerate her lies anymore. My mom is like this and she never really stopped until her mom died in February. To her, that was like a slap in the face. I think she is trying to get herself together now.

Answer 6

End the relationship, plain and simple. Once a liar always a liar. If you are not able to end the relationship, be prepared to be lied to for a reason or no reason at all. Just remember the boy who cried wolf. He cried wolf many times for the satisfaction of seeing the town's people come running to save the sheep he claimed were being eaten by the wolf. On the one occasion, the wolf really did appear and threatened the sheep, the boys cries could be heard throughout the town, but no one bothered to come to the aid of the boy to save the sheep because they believed he was once again telling a lie. That night no one believed the boys cries and the wolf at the sheep as the boy stood by helpless to save even a single sheep. End of story.

The moral of the story is once a liar always a liar. Even if the person tells the truth for once in their lives, no one will believe them because they have tainted the truth with every lie they ever told.

Answer 7

My mother is a compulsive liar, and no I didn't grow up with that trait. Ignore her. Everyone KNOWs what she does.

Answer 8

when you find out this answer i would like to know . we are just calling his hand on it every time & not letting him by with it any more , we hope in time this will help. we don't know what else to do. i know how frustrated you are & i'm so sorry you have this problem in your life!!