She's a great girl, good student, treats me w/ love. But she has many activities and I regreat I can't stay with her as long as I wish. I love talking with her, sharing her dreams, wishes, Well, last saturday I invited her for a mother/daughter day and she agreed. It was winderful, in the morning we biked, it was hard for me to keep up w/ her. In the afternoon we went to a mall, had a lot of fun, I felt like a teen, a realy wonderful day. I got so much love from her. But by 6 pm she said Mom, Now I'm going to hang out a bit w/ my friends OK? She kissed me, said Thank for the wonderful day, Love ya! and was about to leave. I got frustrated, a bit sad, she would leave me to hang out w/ other teens I said Oh no, hun, today you're mine, mom's prerrogative, today you belong to me. She got a bit frustrated but dodn't complain, kept tretai g me w/ love. We stayed together until 11 pm, it was great. Then, she fell asleep on the couch and I had the chance to put her to bed.
2007-05-24 04:30:06 · 41 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Consider yourself lucky to have what you have. However, you need to start to cut the cord a bit. She needs time with friends and time to grow as a person herself.
2007-05-24 04:33:21 · answer #1 · answered by Mom of 4 5 · 4⤊ 1⤋
I believe the best thing is how the Mother/Daughter day begun. By reading what you wrote, it appears that it began well and it also ended well. It shouldn't always matter what happened in between. Your daughter sounds so very respectful and precious and is probably a daughter many mothers in the world wish they had today. The bond and love she has with and for you seems to be so strong. It's okay to let feelings get in your way, but don't react to them in such a negative way. It's okay for her to hang out with her friends, but she just you told us that she has many activites and you all can't spend much time together, this is something you should let her know. Ask her if it would be okay that if the next time it would be just you and her. No friends. Just you and her. She is also a growing child and friends are such an important factor in her life at the moment. So it may have been a bit wrong to "tell" her that she is all your that day. It may have been easier to keep it to yourself. Children grow up fast, and when they are gone, the same regret you're feeling now is going to mature even stronger. Make your child a priority. Not only try. Make her your priority. There are way for her to make time and there are ways for you to make time. Never say you are too busy to spend time with one another. Time is your friend if you use it wisely.
2007-05-24 04:39:36 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No matter what other suggestions are out there, it's great that you and your daughter can have this valuable time together. It's not about letting go or her growing up. This is about opening up to your teenager and creating a relationship that nutures truth and trust. More mothers need to do this with their children. You don't know how your children are doing unless you take time to find about them and communicate with them. Infact, the mother/daughter day can extend for ages well into adulthood. Don't let anyone knock you on this kind of bond you have with your daughter. It sounds like you had a wonderful day!! All day too. There are a few suggestions I would like to purpose:
Make sure that both of you are having fun. Don't force the day upon your daughter. Start asking her for ideas on what she would like to do on this particular day. Getting her input and doing some things she's suggested show her you want and appreciate her input.
Make sure to follow up with a letter thanking her. Include that you were very appreciative that she spent time with you the whole day. Let her know how important it was to you by making it a hand-written note.
Don't stop the mother and daughter day, but be aware that you may have to give her some "down time." Or ask her what she thought of the all-day outage and see if she's willing to do it again. It sounded like she didn't fully understand that it would be a 24/hr event...be clear so feelings won't get hurt.
On these days and other times you spend with her, ask her about her schedule. Perhaps she is overloading on activities and needs to slow down. I've just began reading this book about slowing down and creating space for God in a Hectic Life called Breathe. Children can learn to slow down and say no to activities and create more time to family, God, and themselves. It's a simple read with lots of true-life family situations.
In any event, it looks as if your slight disappointment was from uncommunicated expectations. The next time you plan an event be sure to communicate how you are imagining the day so that dissapointment will not spoil the day!
God Bless you
2007-05-24 04:49:31 · answer #3 · answered by huskergo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's nice to hear that you get along with your daughter, me grateful for what you have cause not all parents have that kind of bond with their kids, especially when they become teens. I think that you should understand your daughter needs her friends too. She was nice enough to give you the day, and all the activities you did together,. Sometimes they need other activities excluding the parents. Let her go out with her friends, she's always gonna come back to you, you can't be selfish. She should have the right to go out with her friends as long as you know where she is and with what type of friends she has, make sure she's with good people around.
It's okay to feel sad, that just means you love her and want the best for her. It's hard to see her growing up so fast, wanting to be with Friends and going out. But it's part of life... I bet that when you were a teen, you also had the opportunity to go out with your Friends and have some fun as a teen. Wouldn't you want your daughter to also have those experiences.... Just make sure she's on the right track and always let her know you are there for her. your doing a good Job!
Good luck!
2007-05-24 04:42:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can tell that you two love each other very much and that's awesome. Wish my mother and I were that close. But i don't understand why you are sad, doesn't make any sense. She is 15 and she wanted to hang with her friends but instead she stop all her plans with them to hang with you. That should make you feel very special not sad. But I hope you don't do this all the time because she is a teenager and should hang out with her friends and be able to do everything that a teenager should do before she gets out into the real world. So don't be sad because you are very lucky to have a daughter like her.
2007-05-24 04:39:24 · answer #5 · answered by Neva 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you did the right thing. It's not often that you get to have days like that and they're precious moments. I also thought that your daughter behaved very well after hearing that she wasn't able to hang with her friends. Most kids would have thrown a hissy fit!! You and your daughter should try to set one day a week aside just for the two of you. I can feel the love between the two of you just by reading your question. Excellent job on your parenting skills, she seems like a very stable girl for 15.
2007-05-24 04:39:09 · answer #6 · answered by Lynn 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you're without companionship & you're looking to your daughter for it.
There's nothing wrong with taking a day out of the month or week to spend some quality time with her because she's growing up fast and soon she'll be gone. I think it was selfish of her to want to end the day by hanging out with her friends because if you said day then she should've understood that you wanted the whole day.
At the same time, she's at that age where are friends are important to her. She likes hanging with them and learning things about them so you have to let her have some freedom. She can't be your companion she's your daughter. Try finding some activities for yourself that help you to keep busy, but not grow distant from what's going on in her life.
2007-05-24 04:35:22 · answer #7 · answered by geminig 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
yes i can understand why it made you sad that your daughter would not offer spending the whole day with you. it shows that you love her so much, lucky her. It is also great that you manage to go down to the level of a teenager and actually enjoy it. It seems that your daughter loves you as well because she did not complain that you are keeping her even against her plans.But, do not forget that you are from different generations and do not forget that everyone needs some space. you are not the only one in her life but you are probably the most important person in her life so far. If you love something let it go. let her grow in the world do not lock her in your cocoon. she came from your womb to the world, help her live in the world.
2007-05-24 04:38:28 · answer #8 · answered by kate07 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She is 15 years old, she is approaching adulthood, and it is only natural for her to want to have time with her friends to do things without a parent involved. It is also natural for a parent to want to hold onto their child’s youth as long as possible. It is not wrong to be sad, it was also not wrong to ask her to stay and finish spending the day with her mother. However, somewhere down the line she is going to go her own way and you just have to learn to accept that. Sounds like you have a great daughter there, since she didn’t through a big hissy fit about having to spend time with her mother. Grab all of the time with her as you can now, while you still can. Take care.
bob
2007-05-24 04:37:45 · answer #9 · answered by Dragonlair 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
A bit obsessive for this age group. My daughter is 14 and I wish she had more friends to spend time with on occasion. She stayed with you even though she didn't want to. What more could you want. She is growing up and peers are an important part of their lives at this age. Did you want to hang out all the time with your parents when you were 15? My guess would be not really. She obviously loves you to hang out all day and not complain so don't be sad, be elated.
2007-05-24 04:37:35 · answer #10 · answered by Tonya M 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like you have too much time on your hands.
Letting go is not easy - we all hear about the adventures in the fairy tales - how Jack went off to seek his fortune, etc. but what about Mom left behind?
That said, you need to go back to school and get trained for a good job - a 2year technical degree can get you a well-paying job with lots of responsibility. Then you won't be so wrapped up in your daughter's life - just as she absolutely needs to be cutting the apron strings.
And, the extra money can help with her college and your retirement in Boca Ratan.
So go get some training - and then a good job. It'll do you a world of good.
2007-05-24 04:50:43 · answer #11 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋