My mom told me last night that she hopes she dies soon. I'm 20 years old, and have been dating a guy since my sophomore year of high school. We're planning on getting engaged soon, and she knows this. She knows that I want her to walk me down the aisle, she knows that I want her to be around when I have kids. Why is she doing this to me??
I still live at home because I'm too afraid to move out for fear of leaving her alone. My dad is a truck driver so he's only home on weekends, and she hates her marriage anyway.
I have a brother, but he lives out of state and never comes home and rarely calls. I'm the one who has to hear the complaints from my mom and dad about the other. I'm the monkey in the middle.
She sat a card at my place on the kitchen table. Its a card that she filled out a while ago about if she dies she wants her body donated to medical science. Why would she dig it up now? And why would she sit it at MY place setting?
I feel like I'm to blame for it all... help.
2007-05-24 04:20:26 · 18 answers · asked by Megan Deann 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My mom doesn't have insurance, and neither do I. I work a job 5 days a week, and I can't take time off since I've got bills to pay. Thanks for the advice though, its helping me see that there are people out there who care.
2007-05-24 04:58:36 · update #1
It sounds as if your mom is going through depression. You'd be best to call a national hotline. Try talking to your mom and getting her to open up.
2007-05-24 04:30:42 · answer #1 · answered by huskergo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your mom need to get some help and fast. It sounds like she's trying desperately to get a message across to you. Have you tried just asking her why she's saying she hopes to die? If not for her sake, then get help for yourself. If you have no insurance coverage, most cities have some sort of free counseling available via a crisis hot line. You should be able to get mental health help and financial aid if necessary, by contacting your local police department or any emergency room. Another option would be to call a family doctor if you have one.
Do not automatically blame yourself even if you think you've done something wrong. Decent mothers don't lay this kind of thing on their children for no reason. Find out what that reason is. Best of luck, and be strong!
Kabum
2007-05-24 04:34:47 · answer #2 · answered by kabum 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Time for an intervention - mom needs to get a psychological evaluation and follow the recommendations as she is DEPRESSED. She probably will need medications along with psychotherapy to help her deal with her life and marriage, which she hates and I'm sure she feels stuck and hopeless.
Second thing, tell both your parents you will no longer listen to either one of them complain about the other to you - it is inappropriate as you love them both and they will have to find another outlet to vent their frustrations about their marriage. You are the monkey in the middle because you are letting it happen - you don't have to - so stop it. Only you can.
As for what your mom is doing - she isn't doing anything to you - she is depressed and does not see a reason to be here and she needs help - that has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with you and depression is not uncommon for women in their 40's that are perimenopausal and going through mid-life crisis because their life hasn't been that great (in their minds) and now it is half over.
Give your mom a break - and give yourself a break - get some help and do it quickly.
2007-05-24 04:27:27 · answer #3 · answered by Stefka 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with those who describe two major components of your mother's behavior: Depression and Control. I have had a similar experience. And although us "armchair counselors" can't provide guaranteed winning advice, I agree with those who say:
1. Move out. Yes. Move out. It will be one of the best things you ever did... for you and for her.
2. Help her to get help. And if she refuses, don't blame yourself, don't take the weight on your shoulders, and don't force her.
3. Take better care of your needs. It sounds like you've been living a lot of your life through her eyes. Start living out loud through your own eyes, and you will see amazing things.
Congrats on the engagement!
= = = = = =
Edited to Add:
I would bet a LOT of money that your mother is a HUGE contributor to the failing of her marriage. Don't let her sound like a "victim of a bad marriage." There may be a reason your father drives a truck and likes to be away from home. Don't buy the "world" that your mom has created word-for-word. She's creating her own destiny... so don't let her create a bad one for you too.
2007-05-24 04:48:47 · answer #4 · answered by hbond2000 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i'm valuable you're mom does not choose you to die. you ought to have disappointed her with something you reported or did, and on a similar time she could be disappointed with something else that has no longer something to do with you. try your terrific to get along with her, even once you disagree with a number of the failings that she won't enable you do. i comprehend it extremely is perplexing, it extremely is packed with stressful circumstances. while issues have calmed down and you 2 are speaking extra functional in the direction of one yet another, ask her in a actual way if she meant what she reported approximately hoping you may die. i think of you will locate out that she did no longer mean what she reported.
2016-10-05 23:20:41 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop blaming yourself , your mom is a grown woman. She makes her decisions. She wants you to jump at her every move. My mom was like that too. She never had a happy day or a well day in her life. She lived to be 80!!!!! She likes to her herself complain. She needs help but will not get it.
I one day told my mother, I had never seen her smile and that she was never there for me . She was always the one with demands. She started to cry as usual when she was confronted and said I did the best job I could. I told her it was not a very good job. She too never went to my brother . It was always me and my twin sister who were her slaves. I finally stood up and said enough. I left home at 20 and it was the best thing I ever did.!!! I have made a life of my own. Helped her when she really got down but not till then. I called her once a week and she complained and I just let it roll off like I never heard her. She was grown and could have gotten help she would not admit she had a problem Don't let her ruin your life , but don't get married just to get out of the house. Move out on your own and live your life with no regrets.
2007-05-24 04:30:18 · answer #6 · answered by springer 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
And you wonder why your brother lives far away and rarely contacts her?
You are not responsible for her happiness. She is. And she gets her jollies off by flooding you with guilt.
The best thing you can do is to
Get into counseling so you can begin to get your own life in order. Hint: Mother needs counseling too but she will deny anything's wrong. So you go by yourself.
Get into your own place - far enough away so that it's inconvenient for her to call you all the time. Get an answering machine so you can screen your calls - only call her when it's convenient for YOU.
DO NOT GIVE HER A KEY to your new place - she'll just drop by whenever she pleases with weird excuses like "I dreamed you were hit by a tidal wave (and you live in Iowa)"
Chances are, she won't die. She just wants to keep you under her thumb. She sees you're growing away from her and she can't control you like she used to - so she's using guilt to keep you in "your" place.
See, when one person changes, everyone else in the unit is forced to change. You're entering a new phase in your life and Mom's place in your life is changing. She hates that.
Take the card - and burn it.
But again - get your own place!
2007-05-24 04:36:53 · answer #7 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The first thing you need to do is recognize that you have no part in your mother's and father's problems. The next thing you need to do is get your mother to a qualified medical professional -it sounds as if she is simply suffering from depression which is easily treatable and she will be a new person once she gets proper treatment. Good luck and God Bless.
2007-05-24 04:24:32 · answer #8 · answered by tersey562 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mom needs help, NOW. Call a therapist and get her an appointment ASAP.
If you dont do something soon, she might be thinking about committing suicide, if she's saying she wants to die and she's giving you things you would need when she dies, like that card.
Good Luck....and Congratulations on your soon to be engagement
2007-05-24 04:25:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How awful for you!
It's not your fault! She is depressed and needs some outside help. She needs to get some serious help.
Could be that she is also trying to "guilt" you into staying with her and using you as a pawn with your Dad. You have to be strong and tell them that you love them both and don't want to hear their complaints about each other anymore, then do it.
Good luck!
2007-05-24 04:44:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋