My dad is ridiculous. He divorced my mom (for no apparent reason) when I was 7. My sister and I had to go with him on the weekends until we were about 12.
He thinks he's a great dad, but he will do anything to compromise my happiness (he's nicer to my sister because she's the black sheep). He paid for my first year of college, but paid for my sister's entire apartment, living expenses, and car for the past three years (since she got out of high school). When she was 16, he bought her a $7000 car. He never bought me one.
I feel like he hates me, and tries to make my life miserable.He told me once that "I don't like you because you remind me of your mother".
He recently started his own business always compliments himself on his success. He never calls me, or makes any effort to be involved in my life.
Now, I'm planning my wedding for August and he won't give me any money or moral support. He told me that "it's my mom's responsibility because he paid child support for years"
2007-05-24 03:59:38 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
(Continuation)
So, he won't pay for anything, and instead of helping me, he trotted off to a *GASP* Nudist Colony across the country with is girlfriend for a vacation. (He must have spent at least $1000 each for a plane ticket which could have gone to the wedding fund)
This just really upsets me because he doesn't want to be involved at all.
So: Should I list his name on the wedding invites, or just put Mom and Stepdad? (who was always more of a dad than the biological one)
2007-05-24 04:01:39 · update #1
I'm definitely inviting him to the wedding, but I'm asking whether or not I should list him as a "host" on the invitations:
"Mr. and Mrs. John Smith and Mr. AHOLE Dad request the honor of your presence"...
2007-05-24 04:06:41 · update #2
"I don't like you because you remind me of your mother".
I stopped reading after this because this was all I needed to read. That may be one of the most hurtful things I have ever heard, I can imagine how you must have felt. Arent parents grand sometimes, my dad once told me that he and my mom considered an abortion while she was PG with me, I was devistated (and I am totally pro-choice, but to hear that your parents entertained the idea, even for a second, with you is awful to know) and my best friend's mom once told her that she regretted having all her kids because she never got any "me" time after the 1st was born, my bf was crushed. But since something that awful was said to you, you will now be very mindful of the things you say to your kids, I know I am, so at least something good will come out of it, you will be a better mother.
No dont put his name on your invitation, he never earned the right to have that kind of consideration or respect from you.
HUGS! and best of luck!
2007-05-24 04:10:11 · answer #1 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Ouch.
I'd invite him to the wedding. But I'd talk to him personally first. In private, tell him that no matter how he's treated you over time, he's still your dad. There's more to having a kid than just donating your sperm. Tell him, for once, to stop acting without considering your feelings and start acting like a father should act. You're his daughter too. You may remind him of your mom, which he completely dislikes, but you're still part of him. And that even if he wasn't really a father all this time, you still love him. Tell him that you NEED him to be there on YOUR special day. Then ask him if he would go to the wedding.
Ask him a week or so before the actual wedding. Tell him you'll give him some time to think about it and that he didn't have to give you an answer at all. If he didn't want to admit his failure as a father to you, he could at least show up. If he still hasn't answered you, leave a seat free for him. But put it all the way at the back and leave a place card with his name on it. Or in the front, whichever way you choose. If he shows up, give him the happiest smile a daughter can give her father. But if he's still a total bastard about it and told you straight up that he wasn't going to attend, saying he had some kind of MEETING, then you can totally scratch his name off the list...
Weddings symbolise new beginnings. Therefore, this could also be a new beginning for you and your dad.
People like him can't really see what they have and realise how important they really are. You better be ready to face him.
Good luck...
2007-05-24 04:24:52 · answer #2 · answered by rocknrollqueen1990 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are not able to each fathers stroll her down the aisle? If the 2 guys get alongside, there is no cause that they are not able to each deliver her away and each be at the invitation. Hopefully, they each love her sufficient to place apart any jealous emotions for that day. How the names will have to look could rely on how lengthy this guy has been her step-father, and who's purchasing the marriage ceremony. Talk to any person at a stationery retailer that makes fancy invites. I'm certain they are up at the etiquette for this type of difficulty. Even if you do not plan on purchasing invites there, ask them. They'll in most cases be inclined to deliver you recommendation within the hopes of having your online business. .
2016-09-05 10:03:29 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you do not have to put him on the invitation. You can put who ever you want. I did not invite my dad to my first wedding because no one else would have come. He had died by the time I was married the second time, but it would have been no different. My cousin walked me down the isle the second time, same boat, more of a father than the sperm donor. Put who ever you want, but you dont get the respect if you dont earn it, So if you have not been a father and are not contributing then he has not earned the name on the invite.
2007-05-27 02:09:57 · answer #4 · answered by mamatucker 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From a dads point of view when I got married I didn't invite my dad. During the reception my friend and I joked that I should have invited him and sat him at the kids table at the time I was in the same situation as you. We have since mended are fence and now have a good relation ( my kids were 7and 4 before he saw them for the first time) I am so glad I didn't invite him just to make him feel bad.
In the end it's up to you, but If I had to do it over again I would have invited him. Maybe it wouldn't have taken so long to make up.
2007-05-24 04:17:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am getting married in July and it will be about a year since my father passed away when I get married. I used wording on my invitations that included him b/c it meant something to me. If you would rather not have him on the invitation, then by all means leave him off. There are plenty of ways to word an invitation so that his name is not included.
2007-05-24 04:46:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It all depends on you, and what you can live with. Personally I would still list him, because he is the reason you walk this earth. If not for him, you wouldn't exist, so you should at least be thankful for that. Maybe he hasn't been much of a dad, but he is still your dad. If you feel closer to your step dad than your biological one, then maybe have your step dad walk you down the isle, but I would still put him on the invitation. I don't know if you are still involved with his side of the family (his parents, and siblings), but if you are, they may see it as a slight against them too. If your not involved in his side of the family, and you don't want a relationship with him, then don't list him.
The favoritism he shows your sister is awful, but that doesn't mean you should stoop to his level. Some day he will regret what he has done.
We did what aerishkigal suggested. I come from a broken home and so does my husband, and he was having father issues too. His dad hasn't been in his life much since he was 3, but he felt like he should be on the invitation and his mother didn't, so to compromise we said Jane Smith and John Doe, together with their parents, are proud to announce their upcoming nuptuals on (date) day of (month) at (time) etc.......
2007-05-24 04:08:45 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
invite him, b4 the wedding, tell him all the details or what u have planned, what is his role , do u want him to be the 1 to send u in altar,if u want he will be in rehersal say for example only, or do want him to watch u while u are marching alone , just tell the details so that he wont be surprise in the middle of what happenenings , let him see how are u ,let him be there , so that no question( or u can avoid gossip) the whole family of ur in laws , also we dont know what happened next or tommorow , so that u wont regret, also he will be changed? or he will regret what he had done to u
2007-05-24 04:41:02 · answer #8 · answered by carmelite 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A wedding is not the time to settle scores with people. If you don't want to invite this man, then don't, but be prepared for the consequences of that action. If you ever want to have any kind of relationship with him, now or in the future, I'd at least invite him to the wedding. He doesn't have to participate, he doesn't have to walk you down the aisle, but I'd be the bigger person here and at least invite him. After all, if it weren't for him, you wouldn't even be alive to be getting married, right?
2007-05-24 04:04:55 · answer #9 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
wow. i read wayne g's answer and it was a good one. also read that you should check these books for ideas on how to word the invites. i agree put him down as a parent and invite him to the wedding. if he shows he shows. you know my daughter is 14. her dad hasnt done one thing for her. he has never met her never gave me money. never put her on his insurance when he could do it for free, and we had no insurance. he is worthless. but, i dont tell her that. she has figured it out on her own. becouse of my lack of hate for him she really dont have hate for him just pitty. you should get over your issues with your dad and carry on you life without him. it wont do anything for you but get you work up over nothing. and that is all you will probley get from him nothing. think about what i said. i've been threw this in many different ways. just do the best thing you can do. dont stoop to his level and dont expect one thing from him. not even a smile. God bless you. love ida
2007-05-24 14:36:19 · answer #10 · answered by Ida 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋