When it comes to religion, isn't "unevenly yoked" a good way to raise a child?

Question

When we look at this Religious Yahoo section, it's clear that there are many truths. Every individual finds/tries to find/has found his or her own path in religion.

I've seen many people struggle with conversion. Moving from one religion to another seems to be a hard road from time to time. Leaving a faith that you had since childhood is difficult.

When an unevenly yoked couple (for example a Christian and an atheist) raise a child, they both know there is more than one truth. They both know that other faiths exist and can work just as well for an individual person.

I know the Christian God is against it. You can tell me that as an answer and besides that don't think about it, that's Ok. But I'm looking for answerers that truly try to think about it.

Wouldn't a child have a much better chance on finding a belief that suits him/her best when both parents are of different beliefs?

Answer 1

It depends on the willingness of the parent to be open to other ideas.

If you have two sides that are completely locked in and dedicated to making their child believe what they believe, it's going to be tough on the kid. Then again these 2 people getting married in the first place doesn't make much sense.

Answer 2

Well I am a single mom and an atheist. I am raising my child with exposure to as many beliefs as possible, I answer her questions as best I can and trust that she'll reach her own decision when she is ready.

It isn't easy and sometimes you have to tell them that you just don't know and nobody does that it all comes down to what you personally believe.

I did not have her babtised-again she can decide for herself when she is ready. My mom is horrified but eventually she shut up about it. I'm comfortable with how I'm raising her and I see her turnign into a lovely little girl. I think that's all any of us can do-provide the tools and hope they can make it.

As far as unevenly yoked...well it isn't like parents usually agree on everything anyway right? So why would different religions (or lack there of) be different? It's all about being a good parent-you don't put you child in the middle of anything unless you want a messed up kid. So I would imagine that the people who care that much that their child is the same as them would only marry the same religion in the first place. I think it is actually a non-issue.

Answer 3

My take on being unevenly yoked is that if a christian is put in an environment where people have no convictions for their sins and enjoy them, then the christian will have a better chance of failing. Two christians can act as a help-mate to each other to stay strong through temptations and trials. I think a child brought up in a home with one atheist and one christian would just see constant argument and disagreement. Kind of like if a child got on this board and all they see is constant argument between the two sides. I think the best way to raise a child is teaching them what you beleive but allowing them to disagree and choose. Whether the parents are atheist or christian, if they allow the child to search for the truth with all their heart, then the child will find it.

Answer 4

A child can be taught tolerance without the parents being of different backgrounds. The idea of being "unequally yoked" applies to marriage. The best marriages are with equal partners. The more a couple has in common, the better their chances of having a balanced marriage (home.) I just have a difficult time imagining that an unequal marriage would be like. What do Arnold and Maria do about politics? Can they be close and still hold such radically different beliefs? I think a child would benefit more from a parent partnership that was cohesive, even a partnership that wasn't Christian. Choose a mate wisely and you will be partnered for life.

Answer 5

Hey Markyyyy, I've been on vacation and when I got back, I fell and broke my left arm, sprain my right wrist, so am just stopping in for a minute. Yes--- I missed you. Will probably only stop in 1 a week due to arm casts.

As to your question ... Truth is multi-faceted, is it not? I still like M. Gandhi's version of the blind men feeling the elephant at different parts and then being ask to give a description. Each response was dramatically different, of course. Gandhi believed our perceptions of "God" were the same.

My friend a "PK" (Preacher's Kid in Christian speak), his father was a Rhodes scholar and Christian minister and mother, a PhD, teaches math at a state college. They raised their kid's to question and seek. One is an atheist, one is Christian (but very unconventional, smokes pot and is an agent for "secular" music), and one is ... well, for lack of better terms ... a male gigolo ... practicing the Wiccian faith (of a sort). Some member of the parent's congregation is always trying to give them the boot, to be replaced by a more traditional Christian family. Some Christians so it would seem can at times be limited ... question all you want, but then only come up with Our predetermined answers; however, that may be a trait of many faiths.

I recommend "The Future of an Illusion" by Sigmund Freud as an excellent read ... has an interesting insight for this conflict. It's my favorite.

As for the yoke--you two aren't oxens or asses are you? Then ditch that yoke speak!!!! And break an Egg or two ... Raise your kids how you'd like and then let them choose to be what they'd like. (May you be spared the gigolo Wiccian;)

Every day is a winding road.

As always, your fan, mlee

Answer 6

The difference isn't just between Christ or not Christ. You're dealing with issues of money, sex, gender treatment, education, child-rearing practices, food, family relationships, styles of emotional expressiveness, issues of autonomy -- all of these are culturally embedded, and religion often plays a huge part in individual culture.

The divorce rate is higher between inter-faith (for lack of a better term) marriages, suggested by some because of the lack of common interests and activities. These could possibly all be a huge source of conflict for the children.

I personally believe a child should be given the opportunity to learn what they can of many religious beliefs, so that they can form an acceptable perspective for truth....but my kids aren't through life yet, so maybe I've messed them up on this. :)

Answer 7

It causes problems because parents influence children so much.
Let me ask you this... how happy would a firm Atheist be if their child, raised by a Atheist parent and a Christian parent, started going to Sunday school and accepted Christ as their Savior? Or on the flip a Christian parent sat back while their child rejected God? To sit back would be going totally agaisnt what the Christian is directed to do, as a witness. Just total conflict.
It's as simple as that, ideally, things would run smoothly, but realistically, it causes more problems than not.

*** LOL, my guess is that the thumbs down is more than likely an Atheist suggesting that they wouldn't have issues with their CHILD or CHILDS PARENT if the child chose God?? Gimme a XTRA large break... all you need to do is READ these forums to KNOW there would be huge problems, keep it real.

Answer 8

I vote yes. If a child grew in an environment where his folks have different beliefs, he/she will become more open-minded and understanding: he/she will see the world from, at least, two different points of view, and that's good. But the most crucial thing is to bear in mind that the parents should not argue or defame each other's beliefs in front of the child because this will make matters worse.
Unfortunately I've grown in an environment where both of my parents have one point of view, almost always based on religion and religion only. And my belief went through many ups and downs: Christian as a child, not specific as a teenager, and Deist as a young adult. It would have been much easier for me if my parents had different points of view, I wouldn't have to go though any phases. I used to think that my parents were open-minded and liberal somehow, but on the contrary, they're conservative, and I'm the total opposite. And this could make a gap between us someday (They dunno about my beliefs). But if they had varied points of view, I wouldn't have to worry this much.

Answer 9

I would not force a child into church. Neither would my fiance. We would tell the child about God, and how some people don't believe in God, and if the child showed more interest, I would be happy to allow him to seek out his own answers. Religion and belief is not something that should be forced - it should be a personal choice. I think a parent who forces anything on a child is doing more harm than good, and paving the way for serious rebelliousness later on.

Answer 10

Part of *how* the religion meme propagates is by family tradition. Even unevenly yoked parents will do something in December and it's hard not to celebrate something vaguely pagan and fertility related in Spring. In that sense some religion will probably get passed on and who knows it's probably a better meme for the mixing. The only meme that deserves to die because it can't stomach watering down is the fundamentalist religious meme. But that fundamentalist meme would never mix with a carrier of the free-thinking, questioning meme.

Answer 11

Well, my own father is an atheist and my mother is a Methodist. My parents always encouraged me to decide such issues for myself and think for myself. They said they would love me unconditionally regardless of what path I take in life. I felt like that was a great way to handle the issue and I plan to do the same thing with my own son. So yes, being raised by an unevenly yoked couple can be a great thing.