How do i deal with my boyfriend mother?

Question

my boyfriend & I have been together for 3 years. Im 8 months pregnant. We plan on getting married some day but Im having problems with his mother. first problem is that she smokes pot. When I was sitting in the other room she was smoking with her friends, I feel like she doesnt care about the health of her grandchild. My boyfriend asked her to stop and then last night she did it again. I feel very disrespected & that she doesnt care. Also, the attitude that she has towards me makes me feel like she doesnt want me there. I dont feel comfortable there. He wants to stay home. Everytime I get pissed off about something she says or does, he always tries to make excuses for her. I feel like she is more important than me and his son. I would never ask him to not talk to his mother, or choose me over her. I would just like him to talk to her & for her to have some respect for us as parents. She has made it seem like i have no say about my son, that its all about her & my boyfriend. help!

She also told my boyfriends brother that she doesnt know how im going to be able to work & go to college because I need to stay home & take care of our son. My boyfriend still needs to be able to have a life & do the things he wants because he had so much more planned. That really hurt my feelings..me & him are in on this together. He told me that shes an idiot and would never do that to me. like i said before..i would NEVER ask him to choose her over me. I like her for the most part, there are just some things I do not like.

Answer 1

Why are you going to a place where you feel abused? Stop going there. If you live there find a better place to live. If your boyfriend loves you he will respect that decision and understand. If he doesnt then he is still a little boy and needs mama more than he needs a wife.

Answer 2

If I were his mom and was asked not to smoke around you or the baby.......it wouldn't be a problem at all as I respect others feelings. I quit smoking a long time ago and when I did smoke I was always curteous to what others felt.

If you are living in her house, you need to respect the fact that she can do what she wants in her own home. She on the other hand should respect you in that you don't want the pot smoking around needless to say the legality of it in close proximity to your child.

This is a sticky situation and I am not going to agree whole heartedly that your man is a momma's boy. It seems he just doesn't want a confrontation with her which might mean she makes a scene, throws a guilt trip who knows. I know I couldn't talk to my mom about anything as she would flip out.

You are going to be a mother soon yourself. Whether or not she smokes pot, shes been a mother a lot longer and may have valuable insight to help you with the new life you and her son will soon be living. If you feel she doesn't like you it seems that you don't like her as well and she is sensing that emotion from you.

Try to find something in common with her. She is going to be a part of your life and it would'nt be right to keep her away from her grandchild. I was kept away from my dad's family after he died and it was hard for me. It took me many-many years to find his family and when I did, knowing I had grandparents, aunts, uncles, who are no longer living, I hurt terribly.

Pregnancy makes your hormones go whacky and you are going to get ticked off more often, as well as sad and or happy. Try not to take things so seriously. By this I mean, don't react first to a situation. Sit down, mull it over, think about it before you react. You may find that both of you are emotional people and very much alike and just need to learn how to react accordingly.

Your man is being put in the middle with two women he obviously loves. If you expect him to chose between you and his child and his mother there will be resentment in his heart. I am betting he will chose you and the baby as that is only right but he will resent you for putting him in that position and it could drive a wedge into your relationship.

You sound very young and have a lot to learn so now is the time to take everything you are going through into consideration and use it to learn and become a better and stronger person. If you feel his mother is a lost cause, do not and I repeat, do not lower yourself to act like her throwing ultimatiums. You need to set an example for your child as children learn what they live, what they see and what they hear.

You say you feel that she doesn't want you there? Maybe after 3 years into a relationship she feels that you and her son should have your acts together especially since you are pregnant, and be self sufficient.

What ever the reasons, try to work things out for your self, your man, your baby and everyone involved.

If the pot smoking is a big issue, then I suggest the two of you get your feet wet and get your own place. Just remember an old wives tale "familiarity breeds contempt". Meaning when you live with someone else in their world or they in yours, eventually something is going to trigger hostility and contempt for the other party.

My prayers are with you all. Good luck and if you need to talk further, don't hesitate to contact me.

Answer 3

This is a really hard time on you right now. Before you do anything, you need to just check out of these problems and focus on yourself and the baby. After you have had the baby and you feel you are ready, tell your boyfriend that his mothers drug use is unacceptable and that he needs to confront her and tell her to stop - at least when she is around you and the baby. If he refuses to set limits and boundaries with her I would say reconsider marrying him. Do you really want to expose your son to a drug addict? Do you want your son to grow up with a dad who sacrifices his kid and wifes safety and wellbeing because he doesn't want to upset his mother? You are a mommy now and as hard as that is, you have to put your childs wellbeing above everything els - including your need for a male partner. If they don't change you and the baby need to go. i wish you all the strength you will need and the very best of circumstances.

Answer 4

Wow this is a tough situation to be in...you are wit a person who is a Momma's boy...i mean he needs to stand up and be a man and tell his mom she needs to respect the mother of his child. i really dont know what it is that you can do it really is something that he needs to handle. he is the MAN and that is his mom. if you come off on her wrong then you will regret it thats why he needs to do it. im guessing you guys are either young or tight on cash. because my suggestion is that you guys get your own place. she feels you stole her baby from her so ofcourse she aint gon try to respect you she probaly wants you out her house. you need to make your man take a stand for you and his child. he is going to be a father and 1 day a husband you dont want no punk to be your childs farther and your future husband...

Answer 5

If there are illegal drugs in the house, call the police. Period.

That said, perhaps your partner is making excuses for his mother because you are living under her roof, eating her food, and letting her pay all the bills.

Illegal drugs aside, remember, it's HER house, bills, food, etc. etc. So what she says goes.

If i were you I'd get your own place - with or without him.

Perhaps you should have thought about this BEFORE Getting pregnant?

Answer 6

first if you can afford to move out of his mom's house i suggest that you do. maybe she doesnt want you guys there. i am so sorry because i understand your feelings right now. yes it is annoying. but the best thing to do is get out of there. goodluck.

Answer 7

my best advice if to not go to her home anymore or if you live there, find a new place.it's her home. you can't change her or him. i would reconsider this relationship. the worst guy to be involved with is a guy who's in love with his mom.