What is the appropriate thing to say to someone whose baby just died?

Question

Also, how do I explain it to my 5 1/2 yr who just lost his great grandmom? He is friends with the baby's big sister. He was very upset about losing his mom mom. I explained to him that sometimes when people get very old they get sick and their bodies wear out. I let him know that most people live to be very very old and that his mom mom is now our very own special angel. I don't want him to be afraid his little sister or any of us is going to go to heaven.

All due respect to fireball, telling my son that his Mom Mom is now our very own angel was a personal choice to help ease the pain of his loss. Each person has their own beliefs, I choose to believe that she is up there along w/ my Grandpap and Dad looking out for us. I do appreciate your advice, though, thank you.

Answer 1

I lost baby in October there is nothing you can say to her to make her feel any better it's going to take her time alot of time losing a child is the worst thing trust me I know. She is going to question everything and alot of this people say to her she is going to take the wrong way she isn't thinking correctly right now. I blamed myself and everyone else for a while. Everyone wanted to console me and all I wanted was to be left alone. I would just say when ever you are ready let me know and we'll talk I mean don't completly ignore her but give her her space don't make the loss of her child the topic of the conversation everytime you talk to her. As for your son just let him know you all have your very own gaurdian angel now. Hope this helps some..

Answer 2

For the mother... Just be there. Let her vent. Tell her how sorry you are and let her know she can call you anytime for anything.

For your son, the angel thing is lovely. He needs to understand that it is very uncommon for a baby to become an angel, but there are times that God has other plans for the baby.
It sounds like you're handling the issue with him pretty well.

Answer 3

I lost two of my sons. Say nothing unless they ask. If you don't know say you don't know. Many times people ask questions just to talk, they really don't want a answer. Let them have there peace. Many time family and friends rush over thinking they are helping but all they are doing is making it worse.

Answer 4

I lost my infant daughter almost 3 years ago. I agree that the best thing to say to the baby's parents is "I'm sorry for your loss", and mean it. I don't agree that saying nothing is the best approach in most cases; most of us desperately need to know that our babies have not been forgotten, and for others to recognize that we are in pain. As long as you don't say something stupid, you will not make us feel any worse than we already do...trust me.

Answer 5

The best thing to say is, "I am so very sorry".

Please, oh please, do not say something like, "You can always have another one." or "The baby is in a better place." Even the most well meaning people say unhelpful things in these situations.

The simplest way to explain to your child about the baby's death is to say, "The baby was ill and died. It sometimes happens." The best thing to do when helping children deal with death is to let them ask questions and then you answer them.

Answer 6

The best approach to discussing with the subject of death with your children is age appropriate honesty coupled with reassurance that he and his family are quite safe and protected, and that there are things even he can do to keep himself healthy and strong.

"It's so sad, Johnny, when we lose the people we love. We are all very sad that Grandma and the little baby aren't with us anymore. We know that they are safe in the arms of Jesus in heaven, but it is still very sad for us, and we will miss them.

Unfortunately, sometimes people, even little babies, get very very sick. So sick, in fact, that the doctors cannot help. Sometimes they die. It's important for you to know, though, that you and your baby sister and Dad and I are very healthy, and we will probably live a very long health life together as a family. Your dad and I work very hard to make sure that you and your sister are safe and healthy. Dad and I love you and your sister very, very much, and we promise to do our best to protect you from harm.

Here are some things you can do to stay healthy and strong...".

Then give him a couple of very basic, health related activities he can perform (e.g., hand washing, eating veggies, exercising, covering when you cough, going to the doctor for checkups). It helps kids to have something CONCRETE they can do to feel some sense of control over their bodies. A few examples of health conscious behaviors not only give them this (albeit minor) sense of control, but is just good practice in and of itself.

Answer 7

Just express your shared sorrow and your support. Don't say anything to try to "make the mom feel better". The mom isn't going to feel better. Just accept her grief and be there for her.

Answer 8

what ever you do don't say you understand. because if you have never lost a child you don't. just be supportive and listen.

Answer 9

DON'T say "everything happens for a reason" and DON'T say "whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger".

Answer 10

ppl dont become angels but i would say im so sorry and if you want to talk just call me and show concern and listen