What did I do to make my family not love me?

Question

The reason I ask is I'm adopted. And growing up my parents were never there for me. They had 3 of their own kids and give them all the time in the world. They say I love you to them and have yet to tell me. My mom decided to be a stay at home mom when I was in high school to raise her kids. They are 5-8 years younger than me. I'm 32 years old now and with my own kids.
My brother's and sister have grown and have families of their own yet my parents call them DAILY or email DAILY. They never call me or email me to see if we are all (me and my kids) are okay.
What did I do to make them not love me? I feel so unwanted. I also feel detached...I have a loving loyal husband and 3 beautiful kids but I don't feel a bond with any of them. I love them but I can't get close to them. I see my siblings and my parents that are super close and I don't understand or relate. Am I just not normal?
My parents buy them things (cars, houses) and I got nothing.

I should mention...my brothers wives HATE me...yet I hardly know them. They won't allow me to ever visit them or stay in their house (nor are my kids invited either). I can't see their kids ( my nieces). They made fun of my kids names (names are Justin and Alyssa). And send me mean emails yet love to talk bad about me behind my back and my sister goes along with them. Not once have they defended me to their spouses. It really hurts.

I have a very successful job and the pay is well. My family knows and I think since both me and my spouse are successful they don't like that.

Answer 1

My story is exactly the same as yours!!!!!!!!!!! I'm 7 years younger than my brother. I was adopted & my brother is their biological child. My mother is the one who has neglected me. She even put my brother's name on her house. My husband and I have started spending time with her and she'll call my brother non stop & he'll call her too. But she NEVER calls me.

You can try & work on the relationship or you can just say this is how they are & move on. I suggest counseling. It will help you deal with your situation. This pain that we feel at being neglected will stay with us forever. The best we can try to do is not to do it to our own children.

My brother doesn't stop to think what I went thought at age 9 when I left my mother to live with my father. He doesn't know the hell I lived through being carted around by my mother to live with some random guy she met who abused her. No one thinks of that.

I see my adoptive family as SICK. I can have contact with them if it's fake or not about emotions. My mother's sister invited my brother to her 50th anniversary. She did this at my mother's retirement party. I heard her saying "don't forget Saturday to my brother." I didn't ask her "what's Saturday?" I guess I should have. I saw later that he's in photos.........why? I've never had a conversation with this woman. There's been no contact. I asked my mother why she thought I wasn't invited & she said something like "we weren't speaking at the time." Well that is between my mother & me not her sister? What does her sister have to do with any of it? Anyway, honey I know how you feel. Our families are sick. The only thing we can do is to not go down the same road.

The only other thing I can say is that you can sit your parents down and tell them how you feel. Be warned they will probably turn it around and try to make YOU feel bad. But then again there's a chance they will see that they've treated you badly and stop it..but I doubt it. I'm wondering myself if I should call my aunt and tell her how I feel.

Answer 2

Justin and Alyssa are great names. For anyone, especially family to make fun of a child's name says more about them than you.

I hope as you consider this question that you also focus on what's positive on your life. You have a loving and loyal husband. You have three beautifully kids. You've done well. You are a good person.

I want you to consider a couple things. How often do you initiate contact? How much of what you are feeling comes from being adopted? Think about that. I'm not trying to make the victim the villain here. I'm not saying this is your fault.

A good start to resolving this, or at least understanding it, might be to copy and paste what you wrote here and send it to your parents. Initiate the dialog. I'm not promising everything will be better. Maybe it will. Maybe it won't. However, you may just learn that the real problem lay with them and not you. You may find you did nothing wrong.

Answer 3

I am also adopted, and my I have a sister my parents had naturally. Fortunately, my parents love me just as much, however other members of the family look at me as an outsider or the black sheep of the family. It is very common for us that were adopted to have a hard time making an emotional connection. You are not weird in any way. As far as it goes with the family members that don't like or accept me, I ignore them, I have my own life and live it and be happy. I am sure your husband and children love and need you. I recommend seeing a counselor and talk with them about the techniques you can use in order to begin the emotional healing process. I wish you the best of luck, and remember, do you want your children to have the same feelings you do? Get some help and you will have a wonderful family of your own, and they will grow up and and have theirs as well.

Answer 4

You were adopted by your parents who don't show or tell you that they love you. Definitely they will give them everything that they ask for but that does not make them better than you are. You are loved by your husband and children who much more than the others.

Don't deny your husband and children the love and care you aught to give.If you do so, your children will grow to hate you and be closer to your husband and that will hurt you even more coz the people that will hate you are your own flesh and blood, just imagine that.

Be thankful that you were even adopted and and were able to stay in a house and food to eat which most of children in the third world countries cannot have today. Kids are starving to death, growing up without anyone to give them directions in life, being rapped because there is no one to protect them from these savages, sleep out in the the cold because there is no shelter and move naked because they have nothing for covering their bodies.

So be thankful to God for what you have and share your love with those who matter most and care about you.

Answer 5

It sounds like your "parents" didn't know how to relate to you or show you the affection and approval that you needed and still desire. How old were you when you were adopted? It might have something to do with seperation anxiety. I have the same type of problem, but mine is with my "real" mom...She and I have never had a good relationship, but I am only now finding out why. (in therepy) I realized that when she left me with my grandma to get divorced, the bond was broken with her, then when I was 5 and had to go to school, she took me from my grandma, another bond broken, during all of this...adopted dad was in and out of the picture, usually too busy with a new woman. I am an only child and I never had a lot of friends, we moved a lot, but it was more than that...I couldn't connect with anyone. Sure, I could do the light superficial stuff ..Hey...whats up? yadayada...But, I have never really remained friends with anyone for long. In therapy I am learning why I am the way I am and what I can do to deal with it now. My mother is closer to her nieces and nephews than she is with me. She visits them...and in 3 years has been to my house 3 times. She drives 2 hours to go visit one of my cousins at least twice a month! It hurts...that I don't have that "relationship" I saw on tv or in other families, but my dys"fun"ctional family doesn't work that way...and I can either keep feeling sorry for myself and do nothing, or I can get help for myself, so that I don't pass it on to my children. When you are ready find a therapist who you connect with. You won't believe how wonderful it is to realize that it wasn't all your fault! That you are normal ...that the rest of the world is just as messed up as us! They just hide it better! Good Luck!

Answer 6

First of all, I do not consider its your situation to make him "decide on". You're his sister. You don't seem to be any higher for giving him that ultimatum than he's for deciding upon the lady. You advised him to make a option and he did. You are not able to immediately be disappointed that it did not end up the way in which you desired it to. You have each proper to have an opinion approximately the individual he is relationship, however you do not need the proper to inform him to offload her or lose you as a sister. That's simply asinine. Second of all, he ordinarily is aware of deep down that he will certainly not real lose you as a sister. You're flesh and blood, you can consistently be round someway form and kind. Third of all, you certainly not stated one unmarried factor that might advocate she's a "loser". All you stated was once that she was once "no longer as well watching". What does that experience some thing to do with love? You sound relatively immature. I'd be grateful that you simply gave me the option in order that I might get you clear of me. I'm certain you are only a troll watching for concentration regardless that considering no person of their proper brain might truthfully say and consider the matters you declare.

Answer 7

Get some counseling, hon. You have too many issues going back way to far for anyone here to be able to really help you...some people are just very sad and pathetic and can't let others be happy..which may be the case with your family...
Your inability to bond with your kids could be the way you were treated growing up...you never LEARNED how...kids learn by what they SEE not what they HEAR...
I really do wish you all the luck in the world, and sincerely hope you can find some peace within yourself to deal with this..I know it's gotta be tough...but, know that you are NOT alone...

Answer 8

Your parents are not perfect and youf siblings reflect what their parents feel. YOu have nothing to gain by trying at your age to be loved by them, they will not change. The reason you feel no love from them is after your adoption they had their own kids and forgot about the feeling that made them adopt you. I think you should get some pro help in learning to love the family that you have, now. Give up on the parents unless they want to come back to your life.

Answer 9

first of all, you need to see/talk to a counselor. You dont want your kids to grow up and feel the way you do right now. You need to tell those kids you love them and they are the world to you. Leave no doubt in their mind that you are the loving mother you never had. Then, I would do something that is very difficult. Confront your adopted mom. Tell her how you feel and that you wonder why she never says that she loves you. Maybe she just hasn't paid attention to who she has or hasn't said 'I love you' to. Be open and honest with how you feel and do it in a grown up way. Dont be mad or angry when you talk to her. But, like I said before, first and foremost...show those kids that you love them more than anything. Break the cycle of this feeling so they dont end up needing counseling too. Good luck.

Answer 10

ur an adult did u ever talk to ur adopted parents lets say..what did they say? and if they dont want communication well then u did what u could,id say move far away from these people with ur family and loving husband and try to have good communication with ur family sometimes friends treat u better than family....u r alive thats the important thing i am a only child 46 and my mother passed away 3 months ago so i know about being lonely...no brothers or sis look onward