in dep for navy now the wife is threating divorce she knew the whole time about everything what should i do?

Answer 1

OK - if she knew you were enlisting and now is threatening divorce, let her go.

Some people just don't want to wait or live alone.

Answer 2

Well, depending on the circumstances I would side with you. If you are enlisted in the Navy to better your life and the life of your family you are right in your choice. How are you doing in the civilian world? Do you have a dead end job at the mall or a food place or something similar where you are aren't making much, don't have good benefits and aren't making yourself a better person? If so than again you are right in enlisting in the Navy. I can understand her worry if she is worried at all, that there is a war on. Well the Navy does not play war like the Army and Marines do. You will never see Iraq except from the water maybe from the Persian Gulf. You are safe on a nice big ship, you sleep in your own bed on ship every night, you can take college courses while deployed, you get to eat three regular meals sitting in a chair. That is how the Navy does the war with Iraq. Nothing at all to worry about and chances of you even going over there on a ship anytime soon are again slim. Between my husband and I, both active duty Navy, we have 27 years between us and neither of us have never been to the gulf or even deployed for 6 months. Neither of us avoided it on purpose and both of us have been on ships for years. Everything always just timed itself out that we would transfer before any deployments. Anyway, if your wife just wants to stay close to home with her family nearby just barely getting by, she needs to rethink your real future. Life does get more and more expensive to live every year and if both of you don't have a minimum of a BA or BS college degree you won't make it very long living the way you are. The Navy has OUTSTANDING benefits for people that have few real job skills. The pay after year one is also outstanding giving all that you are giving. You will get your base pay, you will get a houseing allowance since you are married which is tax free, you will get sea pay if you are on a ship, then you get the best medical care in the world for free. There are a million other great benefits you will get all while getting a great job with great training. You will be able to earn your college degree for free while you are on active duty and if you choose to get out after your first enlistment you will also have your GI Bill money to use on more college education. On top of that you will be able to use your GI Bill to buy a house. The best way to buy a house is with your VA benefit. Everyone else has to pay tons of fees to buy a house, but not veterans. Your wife sounds like she isn't onboard with what you want. If you are a young couple and she still pushing this divorce thing, let her have one. You made a decision for whatever reason, hopefully to make yourself and your family a better unit with a much more stable environment. How can you be wrong for wanting to take care of your family? You're not. She's wrong and if you don't have kids you need to set her free. You should be able to serve your country, make yourself a much better person and take care of your family all at the same time. The Navy is a cake walk compared to the other services. My husband and I have bought and own three houses, we have zero debt and have great twin boys. We retire in three years when my husband is only 37. Do you want to work some loser job until you are 60 something without a retirement or do you want a great job in the Navy where you can retire in just 20 years? Go with your plan and if your wife keeps threatening you, call her bluff and give it too her ASAP. There are lots of great girls out there that would love to be your wife and honored to be a Navy wife. If she isn't supporting you now it will not get any better. Cut the ties now before things get too messy unless she does a serious change of heart quickly. Do not drop out of DEP, you made the right choice to enlist in the Navy. Good Luck.

Answer 3

What exactly is her problem with your deployment ? What are her concerns? Have you contacted the FSG? I have been a navy wife for 5 yrs. Being a military wife is the hardest job but its also the most prideful one. My husband is an IA and now in IRAQ for a year. Its tough and long but you get through it and it makes you stronger. I have a saying that the deployments make you or break you when it comes to a relationship. Don't ever think about messing up your career for anyone be proud of yourself and see if she'll ride with you if not then tell her to step aside and ride alone. I am VERY VERY proud to be a navy wife. Tell her to email me and I'll tell her what it like and how its not that bad.

Answer 4

Your choice. Divorce or military. Which is more important to you?

Personally, I would divorce her now. You joined for a reason. She knew the reasons and agreed to them. Now she wants out. You can't do everything for your partner. When I was recruiting, I saw a lot of service members get out of the service because the SPOUSE wanted them too. 2-3 years later, that individual was divorced and trying to come back in.

What I'm saying is the YOU have to be happy with your decision. If YOU aren't happy, then your family life won't be happy.

Been there, done that.

Answer 5

Unfortunately, this has become a problem in all branches of the Military. Some women aren't meant to be Military Spouses. I pray for my two sons to choose their brides wisely. The Swearing In process for the Military is a Given. These days, divorce is easily obtained. If your wife is threatening divorce, perhaps she is expressing her fear of loosing you. If she really loves you, she will fear such a loss in any career. If she is looking for "a way out", she will take that way, wherever you are serving your Country.
Wishing the best for the both of you.
D

Answer 6

Well i can explain it to this way...and it's blunt so bare w/me.
just because you TOLD her, does NOT mean that she understood what that meant.
a lot of women find the whole 'marrying a military man' romantic and fantasy filled. hell Hollywood makes it sound great. but then when you have to LIVE it, it becomes very very real.
some ppl can hack it, some cannot. it's stressful when you guys are away. we wives are scared, lonely and honestly...lost sometimes. there is nothing that we can do or say to make your tour go by faster and it suxs.

some of us dig our heels in and strive through it. and some don't.
it's better that you know which kind of woman she is. she needs someone that will be there 24/7 i suppose, and the military life is not made that way.

bottom line, reality bites.

Answer 7

You are trying to improvre your life(and hers) by joining the Navy. Yes there are sacrafices to make by becoming a military family. However, the goods outweigh the bads by far!! If she can't join you on this journey to a new and improved way of life, then maybe you should look for someone else, someone who will support you in your career move instead of fighting you. Whatever happened to "For Better or for Worse" anyway?

Answer 8

decoide which you want more.. being in the Navy, or being married to her. not everyone is strong enough or capable of being a military spouse.

Ask yourself this: if you were to cave to her demands, and not enlist, could you honestly say you could live with that decision and be happy? or would you hold it against her..conciously or not.. for making you give up your dream.

she has ZERO right, even as your spouse, to hold you back from something that you truly feel you need to do, especially if this is somethingthat you have discussed with her in the past.

Answer 9

It all depends on the strength of your marriage and how badly you want to fight for it. If you have kids then that should tell you to stay married at (almost) all costs. I have 3 kids and therefore my divorce was the worst thing that has ever happened to me. When I look at it though, I don't miss my ex one bit and I am glad to be away from her. You have to decide for yourself if your marriage is worth saving.

If you are already having problems your sea time is going to magnify them ten-fold.

Answer 10

i hate women ( and men) like that... it's ridiculous.. do what I want and I;ll stay.. don't do what I want and I'll leave.... Its unfair to you and to her... She walked into the relationship knowing about the Navy, she wasn't blindsided by it... I seriously say.. let her walk..... she p robably wanted out before now, but this gets to be her way out...

If you plan on making a career out of the Navy and you stayed married 10 years then she can ask for have of your retirement. keep that in mind

Answer 11

This happens all too often in the military. Divorce is hard, but if she is not strong enough to handle it alone while you are gone it is better to let go than be cheated on while you are deployed.....maybe she needs to go stay with family while you are away...that may help.