She still loves her ex?

Question

Her and I began with their relationship coming to an end. She had been dating him for 5 years, lost her virginity to him, and now she didn't feel that spark with him as she once did. So her and I began with a lot of flirting. She obviously liked me in some way, but I wasn't the sort to come between people and their relationship. She goes to school out of state, about 10 hours away, and finally had a talk with her boyfriend and instead of taking a break, ended the relationship. After that, all I got was, "It's pretty much over between us two". Well, I was already falling for her, she was still dating him for a month while her and I were "together" (but not too close, friends with benefits I guess you can say). Eventually, we both really started to like each other and connected on so many different levels. I had to leave for the Navy soon, so I didn't get as much time as I wanted with her. It still wasn't quite time for the "I love you's" but we knew it was close.

We didn't want to say it until we were sure about it. Though, I knew I wanted to say it, I think she was afraid too because she knew the long distance relationship wouldn't work out.

So, problems arose within the Navy and I'm back home for 6 months. Summer break came from her college, and now were both back home, we were so happy to see each other. According to her, her and her ex are friends now. When she got back home, she went on a trip to the beach with her ex, with some car club guys for a car show. I wasn't too worried because I thought she was just friends with him. 1 week later, she's hanging out with him a lot, and he's calling her all the time.

One day I get off work to come over and bring her flowers, and she's not there. Her brother is there and I find out she left early in the morning with the ex. Now this is getting annoying. I wait for her to get back, and she says, "Well this is weird to have you two here, you picked a good time to come by", sarcastically of course.

I say, "Well you two are just friends, I don't mind....right?". She says, "Well I don't know right now, I'm no ones right now, everyones just friends." I'm crushed. I would think she would call us more than just friends. We came so close to saying I love you on the 5 hour phone calls we use to have, but we were both afraid to say it. She rarely spoke of him, so I thought he was but a friend. Now, I can tell, he's more than that. I gave her the flowers since she had things to do, and left with him still there. I took a rain check. A few days went by and she finally called me, she had "a lot of cleaning to do". We eventually went out to the river and hung out there, awkward as it was because of what happened a few days earlier. We finally started talking once we got back to her place and I find out she still feels for her ex, and she can't love two guys at once...which is true of course. She ended up getting teary eyed becuase I explained to her I can't deal with her still being with him

Because she still wanted to be friends. Well he gets there to take her to dinner right at the end when I'm getting ready to leave, so we didn't get to talk as much as we wanted to. The last thing that was said was, "We'll talk more later". Well, I think my chances with her are now hanging by threads. It's been over a week now and it's tearing me apart not being able to be with her, or atleast talk to her. I use to never dream, now I dream every night of just laying down with her, laughing, talking, you know, all the sappy stuff. I never realized how much I really loved her until now, and I have yet to even get to tell her. She use to tell me I'm everything her ex was not, but now he's doing more... I wonder how long that will last. She isn't the type of girl that I would usually... be attracted to.. but we are so similiar in so many different ways... I've just connected with her.

I know she still feels something for me and may still have a chance, but I don't know what to do at this point. I just feel I would sound desperate if I called her and I'm not even sure what I would say. Should I just show up and talk to her? Should I call her? I don't want to lose her, I know I still have a chance and I know I'm not thinking clearly. I could use some help.

Answer 1

Since the two of you began a relationship when her previous one was ending, you may be her "rebound" romance. Or, you may be the love of her life & she just doesn't know how to say it to you.

Since you've not said those 3 magic words to her, how do you know that she doesn't love you, too?

Good luck!

Answer 2

wow, do we know each other some how? i feel like we're on the same boat going to the same place. My girlfriend(if you can call her that anymore). Her first boyfriend she dated for about 4 years.she had her first time with him.she says that she loved him because it was her first and all.she says that he's a jerk and all and he's not mature enough. So she dumps him and eventually finds me. Now were going out all while her ex wont stop calling trying to get some from her. She tells me that she wont go back to him, like the 6 times before.....but i can tell at those awkward moments that she does mention him that she still loves him. Just by the way she talks about him and the expression she makes when she thinks about him. It really pisses me off when she tries to beat around the bush and tries to make it sound like shes not talking about him. Like the other day she said that she made a promise that she would see a movie with a friend, but wouldn't tell me who. Eventually i found out.....I feel like the in between guy who's just there while the two of them make up and back together. The damned thing is i cant help but get near her because when i do she just makes me happy and i want to always talk to her even if its about nothing i just enjoy being around her. like you i'm leaving in a few months to the army and i know that i would have to end the relationship there because of the long distance thing. but you know i think shes worth giving it a try.

in my opinion its up to the girl so if shes just brushing you off for this girl then its time to move on, theres at least 10 girls within a 20 mile distance that you could connect the same with. it may not seem so but theres millions others that you have a chance with. So if you stay blubbering over this one you wont get the chance to find those other girls out there. Thats what i've come to realize in my time thinking about it.anyways i wish you luck with your journey

Answer 3

just as what the first guy who answered this question, man you really are the "rebound guy".

i have to tell you this maybe during the time when their relationship ended and you happened to be in the picture, having you in her life seems to be refreshing for her. as what you've said, you are everything her ex is not. so most probably she is happy and like the attention you are giving her.

she's confused because here comes a guy who treasures her when this ex of hers is a jerk. but the bottom line here is which one of you guys is her real love? for her maybe from the bottom of her heart or subconsciously it is still the other guy.

i don't think that you've been short of letting her feel you care for her and you like her, though you haven't told her the 3 magic words yet..

this is what i can only tell you. fine, you finally realize you love her. if you want to fight for your love, go ahead. but if you can no longer as in cannot really take it, talk to her. tell her you love her and tell her you don't deserve how she treats you. and it is way past time for her to choose. and give her time. if she chooses you, good for you... but if not... BETTER.

there are other girls who deserves your love. someone who will treat you nice and more willing to take that love you are ready to give.

i know it will not be easy but its better than being treated trash.

i hope eventually you'll get over this problem.

Answer 4

Look at her more objectively.

She cheated on someone she loves. Cheaters are worthless to a monogamous person, especially a navy guy. You had a nice time with a hoe, keep her as a friend with benefits, that is all she is good for. Nothing wrong with that. Save your heart for someone who isn't going to treat your love like it is a problem.

We don't get to choose who we fall in love with, but we were given brains to rescue our foolish hearts. Be smart, or live and learn.

Answer 5

WOW I have never seen such a long question...and obviously because you are hurting, frustrated, angry, sad, and all around in the dumps. She is using you my friend. you are the rebound guy that takes up her time maybe to get something out of you...hopefully you were not buying to much for her because she is like hey i got the guy wrapped around my finger. She could also like two men carrying after her affections. if she really cared about you she would have stopped seeing this guy ages ago. I am an ex-military brat : ) but because of moving around so much i saw a lot of people...(moved around alot!) alot in the same predicament and i thought to myself why do these men keep doing this to their selves when there are plenty of other woman around them viving for there attention but they are only looking one direction. So you are a navy man going to other places....meet the new gurlz look around...i bet you that if you really looked around when you move there will be a girl there waiting for you to notice them. Don't get bummed stick it to her like she is sticking it to you. : )

Answer 6

Ahh sorry i had to go edit my answer................. anywho.... Just forget about her, she cheated and she isn't worth your time. Your a navy man and men in the military deserve so much more, I am tired of seeing All my fellow solders being cheated on... Good luck, you'll find someone that will love you with all their heart

Answer 7

if you love her, its time to fight for her .....go on give it your best shot.....if you are still hesitating after this advise, you dont love her enough...let go and move on dude....there are many other girls out there who are single and single minded about love........


in your particular situation, sounds like she is unsure of which one of you to choose......she wants the best of both world.......you have to decide if you're gonna grant her that....by letting her go out with her ex..well, I'd say from a girl's point of view..."you dont care enough to feel threatened"
and she was hurt and do not know how to express it except be spiteful.... its your call dude.....do what you think is the best for you both....sounds like you care..but sadly did not express it enough...tell you a secret...girls are creatures of words not action....so she wont have a clue if you care through your action ...good luck my friend:)

Answer 8

boy.....i was in same condition once and wat i felt is dat.......LEAVE DIS GAL AS SON AS POSSIBLE...jus be fren wid her...AND U WILL THANK ME ONE DAY....the gal who can leave her love of 5 years jus becoz a fren like u came in her life......DAT GAL can also leave you one day......and one more thing.......SHE IS CONFUSED PERSONALITY......and not agenuine person.....MARK MY WORDS.....FURTHER.....its not easy to hate or forget a love of so much duration........SO I WUD SAY...WHY R U JUS GOIN CRAZY OVER SOMEONE WHO IS NOT URS TOTALLY.....there are better gals who can be for u and ur love only and unconditionally....THINK AS A MAN.....dont put ur feet on axe.....its jus attraction from her to you..dats fascvinating her for a while and wen this will be over ...she will be a hrtbreak for u...i know dat u might like her or love her...but a love can only blossoms wen its mutual and unconditional.....

personal experience.......

Answer 9

Sooner you leave better for both of you.

Answer 10

dont date her that means she will dump u quker then i eat my cake