I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. I am 28. he's 38. I have messed a few friends b-day cuz they were going 2 a club My boyfrined doesn't believe that girls can go to a club and hang out with their girlfriends instead of hooking up with a guy.. Or that girls can also dance with a guy but doesn't mean we have to get to know him , exchange number or start making out or anything intimate with the guy. Just dance and then not go any further than that. I also told him that a easy girl is someone that doesn't know how to say no or make it clear there is nothing more with the guy. I can go to a club have fun with me and my girs and leave the club with only my girls and my respect. I love my boyfriend so much, but he forbids me to go to clubs or bar because he doesn't trust me. When i never did anything to break his trust in the first place. he doesn't like the club, cuz he said he's tired of clubs. Is he right , should I not go clubbing while I am in a relationship?
2007-05-23 19:31:29 · 16 answers · asked by Sonia D 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If I dance with a guy, is that consider me cheating or being unfaithful? Even if I don't exchange information or do anything intimate, during or after dancing.?
2007-05-23 19:34:25 · update #1
You should really talk to him about how you still want to go out with your g-friends to the club,and just because he is "tired" of them doesn't mean that you are. You should also talk to him about your trust issues, because if you didn't do anything then it means that someone in his past probably did and he shouldn't hold you accountable for what they did. If he don't want you to go by your self then he should go with, and maybe after he sees for himself a few times that nothing is going to happen he may not have any problem with you going with your g-friends.
2007-05-23 19:36:28 · answer #1 · answered by kittyxxx123 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A healthy relationship should be based on understanding one another, and trust. Surely your boyfriend has seen his share of clubs at 38 of age now. Sure we have to compromise in a relationship, but that does not mean you have to give up things you enjoy doing in your life, that too, a universal social activity. If he really loves and care for you, he should understand and trust you enough to let you have your time with your girlfriends.Forbading you as such like that shows that he does not trust you enough to let you go clubbing. Have a good talk with him. Tell him that he should trust you. Make him know that you love him, thats why you are with him, and because you love him, you would not betray him.If however, still he does not understand, then he is probably never going to, and cannot be the one for you. Then you are the better judge there. A relationship without trust and understanding is no relationship at all.
2007-05-23 19:49:24 · answer #2 · answered by pearl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Same problem yo, mine's the same exact way. I really do not think that anyone should restrict you from doing what you want to do, and the attempt to do so stems primarily from his insecurities, perhaps it is because you are younger than him, and he does not want to lose you? Mine says he does not like that atmosphere and etc., but I think it's really messed up to restrain someone, especially the one you love, from doing something that they want to do, and that is hanging out with their friends. It causes resentment, even if only on the subconscious level, and at times I even think it may be better to break up. However, I don't. Although I used to not go places because of this issue, I will NEVER miss a birthday, while I will sometimes avoid just going out. The way I deal with it, is that I just let him ***** about it (me going), and then he just gets over it the next day, but I do waste a lot of my nerves in doing so. This is complete bs, and at a more mature age I would expect more understanding. On the other hand, I wouldn't want my bf to be running around all the time either, so I see where they may be coming from (but going to the club with the guys who are a bunch of hornballs as opposed to going with the girls just to dance with your friends is different). Bottom line, if he loves you he won't leave you over stupid sht like this, so go and have fun. + he does not have to know about the guys you dance with, if u do dance with them :)
2007-05-23 19:51:20 · answer #3 · answered by brekthis 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's too old for you anyway. That's the downfall of being in a relationship with some one so much older than yourself. Find a younger guy who still likes to go clubbing, if not and you love this older guy, give up clubbing, you'll find he will tire of things 10 years faster than you on every thing else too. In a few years , he'll be sitting on the couch falling asleep when you are still ready to go do something exciting.
2007-05-23 19:40:14 · answer #4 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, you have to understand that your boyfriend is 38 and his mentality is different. There is nothing wrong with going to clubs and dancing as long as it does not exceed dancing. But that your boyfriend does not "trust" you in this situation means that he does not feel right about somebody else dancing with his girlfriend. That is understandable considering the fact that the man is 38.
i put myself in the situation. i am 20 yrs old. right now i would let my gf go clubbing. but if i was 38 yrs old. i do not think i would ever agree with that.
2007-05-25 03:14:15 · answer #5 · answered by Soji Guy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why doesn't he go with you?
When in a relationship couples are suppose to
work together....if there are trust issues and he has the problem....he is making it yours too.
He sounds kind of controlling...... forbids is a strong word...I would think twice about this being a healthy relationship.
No, its not cheating to dance with another guy...however it would be more proper to keep the dance at a fast pace instead of a slow song. (bodies touching might be considered improper)
best wishes
on another note...
I am about his age and have out grown the club scene maybe he has too.
We still go dancing....just not at clubs.
However this doesn't give him the right to control you....or you to allow it
2007-05-23 19:40:32 · answer #6 · answered by travelingirl005 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he is this controlling as a boyfriend, how would he be if you married him? I am afraid this is a bad sign. You might not want to know this or face it. Also, that is how abusive relationships start out...with varying degrees of control that increase. If he will talk honestly with you and is willing to change his behavior and insecurities, you might have a chance for a healthy relationship. As for your original question: It would not be unreasonable for you to hang out with friends in the manner that you describe. Again there is a problem with trust and communication and control.
2007-05-23 19:37:19 · answer #7 · answered by Over The Rainbow 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one can forbit you to do anything you don't want to do. You're an individual not his appendage, go on, have fun w/your girlfriends, you know you're faithful, if he doesn't trust you, he's probably guilty of something himself. You also got to wonder what kind of clubs he hung out at if he thinks all girls are hooking up in the clubs. I know you love him, but if he can't treat you as an equal, there is no reason to go on w/him, you can do better, I bet he thinks because he's older, he can act like your dad. I've got news for him, he CANNOT.
2007-05-23 19:36:07 · answer #8 · answered by moosies 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like it is time for you to move on with your life. Why do you let him have so much control over you? You are 28 years old, why is any one still telling you what you can and can't do, ? Even if you were married or living with him, and he was supporting you, he has no right to be controlling you like that. If you continue "living" your life like this, one day you will look back and regret not getting out of this abusive relationship earlyer. "Men" like him usually look for women who are submissive or have low self-esteem, because they like to control their lives, and that is called Emotional Abuse.
You obviously want something else in your life right now, 3 years of abuse should be enough. Go out there and have fun, you are still young and you deserve all those things you say you miss doing. Trust me, you won't miss him!
2007-05-23 19:59:46 · answer #9 · answered by marcela r 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's interesing that you use the word "forbid" when you say that he forbids you to go to clubs. That, and the fact that he is 10 years older than you makes me think that this is a daddy\daughter relationship. You are looking for a daddy in a relationship and he is looking for someone to dominate. If that's what you are looking for fine. If not, understand yourself and then move on. Otherwise this relationship will always be on the daddy\daughter plane.
2007-05-23 19:36:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋