so my fiance and i have a lot of family reunions/visits coming up. our families are christian, but relatively liberal. so here is my question--when we goto visit the homes of our family members, should we expect/request to sleep in the same bed, or separately? We have had a child together (though we recently lost the baby), so everyone knows we have had sex before. What is appropriate? And, if we do sleep together...is it disrespectful to have sex in the guest bedroom (some of the stays will be extended)?
2007-05-23 18:46:12 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
**we have had a child together but recently lost the baby, as in we no longer have any living children together :( Since the pregnancy was unplanned to begin with and we're young (early 20s), I'm sure everyone is secretly hoping we've become abstinent.
2007-05-23 18:56:57 · update #1
to the individual who wrote that he is my "boyfriend," not my fiance, and we really had no reason not to be married...
Let me say this kindly. You should be careful when choosing to judge people harshly. there are several reasons why a wedding could have been delayed until after my pregnancy--including extreme health problems that either kept me in the hospital or on bedrest.
As for the delay right now, we do have a wedding date set. The reason why it is set for several months from now and not well, tomorrow? We want to be fully financially prepared. Having a child and then a loss and then a funeral and then a wedding is a very expensive endeavor. Not that I owed you an explanation, but I did want to directly address your incredibly ignorant statement.
2007-05-24 02:02:06 · update #2
I wouldn't say anything and would just play it by ear. If you go to visit a relative and he/she has separate bedrooms set up for you, then use them. If the next person has you in a bedroom together then go ahead and sleep together and have sex if you want to.
I am sorry to hear about the loss of your baby.
I am Christian and fairly liberal too. If someone was living together and coming to visit me, I would always set up for them to sleep together at my house.
2007-05-23 19:09:29 · answer #1 · answered by Patti C 7 · 5⤊ 1⤋
I would assume since you stated it here, that your family knew of the baby prior to these reunions. So, as long as you two can be trusted NOT to have sex during the stay, it should be fine.
The general rule is, if you already live together, have children AND your partner has met the family you may select one room. If not, it would be wise to test the waters, and see how they feel about you sleeping in the same bed.
It it generally inappropriate to sleep in the same room together if your/their family has never met before, and if you have been dating less than 6 months.
It is inappropriate to have sex whilst staying at someone else's home, while they are there.
Depending on the length of engagement, and the length of a relationship, these rules may be tossed out the window.
2007-05-23 19:31:39 · answer #2 · answered by Jackie B 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I really don't see a problem. First, you can tell you two are not having a fling... you have a child together, and I imagine your relationship is a very formal one.
I would think about the sex though. One thing is to share the same bedroom, and other to have sex while visiting. If you want to have complete freedom, then go to a hotel, but if you are going to stay in your family's house then keep your pants up for that time, no matter how liberal your family is.
2007-05-23 18:52:58 · answer #3 · answered by EWW 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The rules of the home are to be followed because you are their guests.
If they put you in separate rooms in separate beds, then stay there and do not go sneaking around at night. They may have young children around and do not want to have to answer questions about morality that your relationship may cause.
If they put you in the same room with separate beds they are leaving it up to you. However the separate beds is a "suggestion" on how they would prefer you act.
If they put you in the same room in the same bed they have no problem with your living in sin and you can fornicate all you want. But do it quietly.
2007-05-23 20:56:55 · answer #4 · answered by forgivebutdonotforget911 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
first i would say it all depends on whose guest bedroom you are staying in and how strict they adhere to their religous teachings.
its one thing to say they "know" you are having sex....quite another to flaunt it in their faces so to speak...what you do in your own home maybe ok with them to some extent cause they dont have to witness it but in someone else's home it may not be acceptable...you need to judge for yourself who you think would most likely not be offended by your choosing to sleep in the same bed. it might be that you let the "owner" take both of your bags and put them where they think is proper...either in one room or separate rooms....let them decide this way without the unspoken question asked....it could save face and do away with uncomfortable topics. on the other hand you could discreetly ask someone on the side that "owns" the house how they would feel about it so they can accept or not without everyone getting involved and voicing opinions. really i think it will be a house by house judgement case.
as far as sex goes....if the room is completely private i suppose you can do as you please....but if theres any chance you will be heard its better to go a few days without it.....moms and dads dont want to hear their kids having sex....especially when they arent married yet. just a thought
2007-05-23 19:00:32 · answer #5 · answered by coolred38 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Call ahead and inquire about the sleeping arrangements at each of the houses you plan on visiting. Even though the cat is out of the bag on the sex thing, I think you should have respect for the people you stay with.
2007-05-23 19:01:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
The wisdom I have heard regarding this is that you should obey the rules of the family that you are visiting. The person (you or your fiance) closest to the family that you are visiting should ask the head of the house what their rules are. If you cannot obey them, you should find a hotel. If you are a Christian, then, more important than what the head of the house thinks is what God thinks. That should answer your question. God bless.
2007-05-23 19:03:23 · answer #7 · answered by Scott 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
It is out of respect for the family unless they say beforehand that you both will have to sleep in the same bed. Some parents still hold on to the old fashion ways. If its only for a few days, you can maintain.
2007-05-23 18:55:39 · answer #8 · answered by CRAIG C 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Just sleep in the same room...They already know you're together.
If you have sex, I think the only disrespectful thing would to be too loud...I mean, ya don't want Grandma and Grandpa hearin' ya gettin' it on...
If you feel you're going to be too uncomfortable, opt for a hotel...the only thing with that is you might offend your family for not staying with them.
2007-05-23 18:59:16 · answer #9 · answered by gibby 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
She is only your fiancee.Sorry for the death of your child out of wedlock.Formalise your marriage and enjoy the same.I do not know the culture you come from,but according to our culture you can not go to your in laws to enjoy your conjugal rights there.Your purpose should be to visit, greet and go back to your home to enjoy what you do there as man and wife.Sleeping together will definitely appear unappropriate whichever way.
2007-05-23 19:05:48 · answer #10 · answered by mukwathagicu 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋