My sister inlaw is controling all aspects of my younger brothers life and she has now told my other brother that if he wants to see him he needs to respect her or she will not allow him to visit,My brother, she has said this to has driven her every were when she needs the ride,has taken her shopping and babysat their children.We at one point used to go over to visit them on sundays and have a family night but this has not been done in over 2months,my sister inlaw keeps telling us lies about why she cant have dinner or she phones us and we find out later they went no were,we ask her to let him stay over one night a week with us for what we call brothers night but she has now stopped that to.But she can have anyone stay over at her place when ever she wants,this is really pissing me off and im hopeing someone out there can tell me how to approach her and tell her how I feel,and to let my brother know all we want is to be together one night a week,we are not asking much.Please help.......
2007-05-23 18:17:59 · 8 answers · asked by meow_and_squeek2005 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
(ooh me, me!!! - jumps out of seat ready to be called on)
Oh my this is like.....Dejavu. We had the same thing happen when my brother married his second wife. When they were first together she was very nice but it was all a front. Speaking from a professional standpoint the ladies not quite right upstairs and did the same controlling behavior. Here's the thing you won't be able to say anything to her. All she'll do is turn that against you and make it seem as if the family is trying to wreck their marriage. What you and your family need to do is stop helping them. No car rides, no babysitting, and certainly not available. Then you need to get everyone together without her knowing and confront your brother with your concerns. Don't allow her behavior to control your family functions. No one says you have to go to her place or even include her if she's going to treat people that way. It was along hard road and there for a while we thought our brother was lost to us but after a couple of years of her crap and her not being welcomed at family events, he turned things around and saw what a lying manipulative person she really is. I know you want what is best for your brother so tell him. Let him know your' not opposed to their relationship just how she's been acting lately. You would like to go back to the way it was but until she apologizes and changes her behavior towards us we don't want her around. (only say it nicely) Even though things might feel strained at first keep making effort to remind him he's in your thoughts and you miss him when he's not around. Always invite him to family functions and find a new place to have your weekly gathering. .
2007-05-23 18:30:43 · answer #1 · answered by Orion 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Brothers night....stay over....they are married please....
I can understand wanting a family night on Sunday nights...but why always at their place...maybe its just to much for her. Try switching the houses where it is at....make her feel included instead of USED.
I think its great that your other brother is helping them out, some times that is necessary....meaning being there for family. However marriages also need space...not to be smothered.
Sounds like you need to talk to your brother, not her....if he isn't feeling the control issues that you are...you need to back off.
If he is feeling them, then its between them....its something called marriage....
best wishes
A comment above mentioned not taking them anywhere or helping them out.....think twice will it affect the children...if not okay....but don't set out to do harm to them...they are Innocent in this.
2007-05-23 19:26:34 · answer #2 · answered by travelingirl005 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I actually won`t have been angry with the BIL for reinforcing the fact that we don`t swear. The fact is, sometimes kids heed stranger`s words better than a parent`s words. I would certainly have reiterated the facts with my daughter, despite what BIL had said already, but I would not have been angry. Maybe he was really just trying to help. Some families are raised that ìt takes a village` That he badmouthed you to your children is an absolute deal-breaker that loses him the privilege of seeing your children unsupervised. That crosses the line and your husband should be on YOUR side of this one. Will he like it when his brother starts badmouthing him, too!
2016-05-21 07:47:37 · answer #3 · answered by gale 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She can not control anybody unless they want to be controlled. I am going to assume she is married to you younger brother (you dialog is confusing) If he is "being controlled" by her he must like it and want it or he would stand up to her and tell he to back off.
If you want to be all together one night a week (boy that seems like alot to me) then YOU have everyone over once a week.
2007-05-23 18:35:11 · answer #4 · answered by lily 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your brother and tell him how you feel about this. But she's probably not going to listen to you, she's going to look at it as you interfering. Your brother is going to have to be the one to tell her to back off and give him some respect and a little freedom. She sounds very annoying and controlling.
2007-05-23 18:23:20 · answer #5 · answered by Judy W 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
sorry, but your brother needs to grow some and speak for himself. all you can do is talk to your brother about how you feel. best of luck with this.
2007-05-23 18:23:31 · answer #6 · answered by pirate00girl 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Let your brother do that.
2007-05-23 18:41:20 · answer #7 · answered by Bantree 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to your brother. It is his place to handle his wife, not yours!!
2007-05-23 18:22:28 · answer #8 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋