Do i forgive her?

Question

A friend and i met at school and it started as a random hookup. I had never had a serious relationship before. As i pushed her away less and less things snowballed. we live together and have extremely compatable personalities. Things were perfect for almost a two years now and she had started to maybe look like the one. Her X cheated and really hurt her so i never questioned her loyalty.
I found out a week ago she kissed a guy at a party. Her story is she had a small crush on him and it was "coincidence" to see him at the party i missed. Im told they hung out alot and had a questionably close relationship. He kissed her and she kissed back but immediatley felt bad and left the party. Neither of them were drinking. She cried alot for a day or two. were still together but with a huge elephant in the livingroom problem. Ive been thinking about how much i like her and how she betrayed me all day every day. I think her persuit of the crush is just as bad as sexual cheating. What do i do?

Answer 1

It seems that you really care about her, and that she is really sorry. So to me, this is forgivable.

Answer 2

You need to think about if you can live with this issue and go on with her or not. If you constantly think about if she's being loyal or not in the future, you will be very miserable. Can you still trust her after what had happened? Maybe you should really think hard on this, if it's worth it for you or if you would be more happy if you went on? It also depends on how much you really like this person. If you don't want to regret not giving it a second chance, then talk about it more and be open with each other. Describe your expectations and wants, and needs in a relationship, and see if it matches with her. If things don't come to an agreement, you'll have to decide what is best for you now and how things will look in the future in the long run. Don't depress yourself or get paranoid over the issue. Relationships that don't work out the first time around, usually don't work out ever after. Good luck!

Answer 3

first of all, the crying this is b.s, she knows what she did, she was conscious when she was doing it, she cries so that you really believe she feels bad about it, she might, but not that much. If you decide to stay with her then you got this on her forever, which i guess could be very powerful to you, but if you stay with her it also kinda shows that you are a doormat, she can do whatever she wants and you're not going to leave her. If you're thinking that a kiss wasn't a big deal, think back and think if she kissed you the first time you went out, if she kissed you then no its probably not a big deal, if she didn't then this is a big deal, it means she realy likes the other guy. If you really love this girl you should try to work things out, but if you can live without her then you should let her go and move on. If she did this once what's there to stop her from doing it again.

Answer 4

What one person may be able to forgive isn't what another person can forgive so it just depends on you. For me it has something to do with how much I have invested in the relationship. After being married for 12 years my husband had s3x with another woman one night. I didn't want to forget about 12 yrs of my life because of one night.

It also has something to do with how sorry the other person is. Do they really get what they did? Do they really know how much they've hurt you? I felt that my husband did.

Finally, if you decide to forgive her, you've got to really forgive her and trust her again. You can't bring it up and throw it in her face later on. Talk it out so it isn't the elephant in the room anymore and put it behind you.

With that said, I believe that it would be best for both of you to avoid situations where you might be tempted to do things you shouldn't. This is just something I feel should be a rule for anyone in a committed relationship. Bars, clubs and parties can be trouble.

BTW, my husband never slept with another woman again. Some will say that if you forgive someone they'll know they can get away with it and they'll do it again. This is not true with everyone.

Answer 5

once a cheater always a cheater expecially if she wasn't drinking it just seems like at the moment she didn't care if she cheated but she then thought about it and left the party feeling bad because she knows what she did was wrong
but if she was drinking then maybe it could be worked out but she wasn't so its up to you but i would just let her go after what she did for real, you and her have something very special and she messed that up by kissing some other guy
just think about it she wasn't drinking at all and she kissed this guy that she knows or whatever thats not right, thing could be worked out if she was a little drunk then kind of understandable but she wasn't.

Answer 6

First off, why would she do such a infidel thing. To me, this kissing dilemma is more than an accident nor a coincidence. You have every right to deem she is betraying you.
Hmm. She seems to hang out with him a lot...have you given her the attention she deserves? Women do that sometimes to gain attention from their partners.
I am not sure how strong your relationship with her is, but talk this out with her. Tell her how you feel about all this, the way you feel she's cheating on you... She needs to be aware so history will not repeat itself.
Hope this helps!

Answer 7

It was cheating. She betrayed your trust. There is no getting over that.

I would call a time out on the relationship and give a GOOD woman a chance.

Give her a couple months to help her get on her feet. It could be a civil parting.

I would have the "no dating others until you moved out" rule though for both of you. That would be uncomfortable.

Keep the faith guy, she is out there for you. Trust is an important part of a relationship.

Answer 8

Forgive her, i think you def should since she told you the truth. This same thing happened with my fionce on me, and i forgave him and then it happened a year later with me on him and he forgave me(except i nor he hung out with the other person, it just happened out of pure, uhm, i guess you could say stupidity). Everyone makes mistakes and just because she made a bad mistake doesnt meen she doesnt love you. I really think you should try to give her another chance. The trust factor is gone, im sure, but if you two are planning on taking this relationship into maybe marriage, than this is just a small obstical in the midst of MANY that you will have to overcome together.

Answer 9

You are not engaged or married...so there's no commitment. She feels really bad about what she did. Forgive her and put it behind you if you still want to be with her. If you find you cannot forgive her,say goodbye ... it wasn't meant to be. If you are able to forgive her start working on some sort of commitment and get on the same page of what is allowed in the relationship and what's not.

Answer 10

It's a normal situation that happens to almost couples in the world. Sometimes we tend to get so confuse and made the wrong choice. She kissed that guy, and ran away from the party. I think that she did't realized that she really kissed that guy. And after that she thought of you, and that's what made her feel bad. You should console her, talk to her and make a smooth conversation. Yes, I think you should forgive her.

Answer 11

I would talk to her and see if shes ready for a serious relationship...if not then don't waste your time..if she likes this guy and runs into him again without you..what is she going to do? but if she says shes sorry and only loves you and it was a mistake and you believe her or take her word for that then...i say work it out..but if u feel u can't trust her then move on