Autistic parents: im hesitant to take my son to parks or crowds of kids....?

Question

my son is 4 yrs old hes in pre-k and im always hesitant to take him out to places where theres lots of kids. last time we went he had a meltdown because my little girl didnt want to go where he wanted her too. He got angry and had a meltdown in front of everybody(it doesnt embararess me) he tried pulling her his way and i kept telling him to calm down while holding my little girl cause she was crying too and then he wanted to hit anybody close by. i worry because hes very strong and could hurt someone. i know the whole explaining thing to the parents but i dont want it to get to that point. we live in a townhome. and we go to grandmas house to play outside. i wondering am i being too restrictive ? (by the way momma was asleep during this incident. she works nights.)

fstily autistic kids are not spoiled.
loser!! ps. he does get ot therapy and speech . hes a very happy energetic boy.

thank you all for taking the time for suggestions

im supremely patient with my little boy and understand him a little better than most people.

no i dont get embarresed cause its not his fault.

Answer 1

I have an autistic three year old. I can tell you from personal experience that keeping him at home is NOT the answer. He will never be able to behave in situations like this if he is not given the opportunity to learn how. He needs to be around other children his age, even if he doesn't want to interact with them now. If given the chance to observe them, he may eventually want to participate. It is a good tool to help him to interact. I also wouldn't worry about explaining either, unless he actually tries to hurt someone. As long as you attempt to correct the behavior, you owe nobody an explanation as to why your son acts the way he does. I have given up trying to explain my son to others because they either do not understand the disorder or they are completely ignorant like the first respondant and think that the child has some sort of control over it. Besides, it is very easy for people to criticize when they have no idea how they themselves would handle the situation beause they are not YOUR child's parents. You are doing a great job and your actions will speak for you so that you won't have to explain your child to anyone.

Answer 2

I am not a parent, but I do have an autistic cousin I am very close with. She just finished Kindergarten at a regular school, but prior to that she was in a special class for autistic children. With her special schooling, everyone noticed a HUGE improvement. She talks much more now, shes more responsive when you speak with her, etc. I've seen her hit before, especially her older brother or parents. Her parents get a bit frustrated at family parties because she throws tantrums sometimes and is very oversensitive. One party my sister took a photo of her, and forgot to take the flash off. My cousin had a "meltdown" and some family members don't even understand, they still believe in that "refridgerator mother" nonsense. My little cousin never plays with anyone else, she likes me a lot because I'm a dancer, and shes so fast at learning choreography so sometimes she'll pull me and we'll dance together. Its really sweet, I love her, but I know its hard for her parents.

Anyways, my suggestion is to keep him around less children until you can help him fix his hitting problem. Autistic kids are oversensitive to touch, sounds, etc. and anything can cause him to overreact. I'm sure he has fun playing alone, you could also get him engaged an activity like dance or an instrument, something of that sort. I'm glad you don't get embarassed, and you sound like an awesome father. Speak with an Autism specialist because I am sure they have much better advice for you than I do.

Best wishes :)

Answer 3

Well we can't keep the little Autistic kids in a cage all of the time. Families have to be able to experience some normal events and activities. Tantrums and melt-downs are stressful and embarassing to parents and siblings, and frightening to other parents and kids. Still, the Autistic child needs to have experiences without the whole world walking on egg shells.

I have to give you a lot of credit for trying out parks and play areas. I spend a lot of time telling other parents and kids at parks and parties about the Autism. If you don't they think you brought Stitch without Lilo! I tell them that there is a chance the child will be overstimulated and begin to act badly. If they see this I ask them to come tell me. This way you have several sets of eyes watching for trouble.

It is best to communicate your feelings to your wife. You have to support each other. You also have to balance a life for the siblings too.

If my daughter is having a huge melt down I remove her from the area or activity. If possible have the other parent continue the activity with the siblings. It is a good idea to use respite care for the Autistic child so the family can have uninterupted activities with the other kids.

Dump the guilt and the second guessing. Autism is one of the supreme human challenges. No one is 100% right in what they do for the kids. I had to use a leash and harness for a while and you should have seen the parents look at me. They needed to walk a mile in my shoes to see what I was dealing with. I work with families and kids with Autism. You are invited to email me if you would like to share further info. Best of luck to you and yours!!

The person above me cannot diagnose your child based on what he said. Autism is a Spectrum Disorder and you will have kids who are non-responsive to ones that can host their own party with some assistance. Every child is unique but there is criteria for diagnosis.

Answer 4

If i were you i'd be mad too. Although i'm not very old and i don't have much expierence i would've reacted the same way as you. Not neccesarily cuss, but i'd tell them straight forward, that those parents have no right of talking about your child like that just cause he's different. Kids are all the same no matter what, and those obnoxious parents just need to be left alone because they don't know whats out their in the world. Autistic kids also are gifted in many ways. So just tell those parents to just wait and see, because God created everyone. He tests the one, that are specieal in many ways. And your child will be excatly like all the others someday. Just Wait i wish you all the luck, and i'll keep you in my prayers(:

Answer 5

I worked with kids with disabilities for years. Dads have a hard time with kids this age even when they are "normal". Something about being half baby, half big kid. Anyway, keep at it. Talk with mom, or think about what you do when he has a meltdown at home. Most likely, you keep him from wanton destruction and ignore the screaming. Do the same in public (with obvious modification of not allowing him to go after others). For some kids, a form of time out works best. When they lose control, they sit, away from the chaos and noise. Then when they regain control, they can get up. This can work at a park, just walk away with him and sis to an area apart from the playground and have him sit. He is autistic but smart enough to figure out that he would rather play by your rules than sit and watch the others have fun and not get to play at all. It tough to take two kids to a park anyway, they always want to do different things but with a child with autism it is even harder. It is important for you to take him out and into crowds etc. Keeping him cooped up will create problems as he won't be able to learn the rules of being out in public and then when he gets bigger and stronger he will have trouble at school. Try to help your daughter understand that her brother's brain works differently and he doesn't mean what he does as a personal insult. He just has trouble as seeing her as anything but a living plaything.
It can help to bring help, instead of going to visit Grandma, bring Grandma with you. She can chase your girl and you can be with him.
As for the embarrasment, just let it go. Kids will find a way of embarrassing you regardless of a difference or disability. Just ignore the other people. Focus on your kids and their needs and screw the crowd. Most parents will get it, those that don't are probably raising serial killers anyway. Good luck and best wishes.

Answer 6

I don't know if this will really answer your question, but I hope it gives you some hope. My 10-year old has a boy with autism in his class. They have been in school together since kindergarten. Our school provides an aid that goes to class with him. He is not very social with the other kids, but I think it is great that he goes to school with everyone else. And I am very proud that my son includes this boys in activities. One day he had a choice of picking someone to help handout his birthday treats, and he chose the boy with autism.

I don't think you need to explain to parents, but you need to explain it to the children. The mother came into the classroom and explained autism to the other children in the classroom. I know this because I asked my son if he knew what it was. He knows that autism is when another child is smarter than the rest of the kids, but lives in his own little world.

Thus, after this long story, I would not keep him from other children. He needs to be around other kids to learn some social behavior. However, you need to get some advice on his hitting. That is just unacceptable behavior from any child.

Answer 7

I feel your pain! I have been there! I read where you said he goes to therapy and speech. Does he have an Occupational Therapist? A good OT can come up with behavior strategies for tantrums.It may require 2 "warning" strategies and then if behavior does not change, you remove your son from the enviroment. Unfortunately that isn't fair to your other child (maybe another adul/grandma could go w/you?). It takes patience and consistency but does pay off.

Best wishes!

Answer 8

I went to a amusement park last weekend. I saw a boy wearing a shirt that said "Be patient with me I'm Autistic". It made me feel better. If that child would of freaked out in front of me, I don't know what I would of done. But he had the shirt on and understood him. I think it was a great idea, might want to try it, wouldn't have to explain anything to anybody unless they can not read.

Answer 9

I went through this with my son, who's now four, and mildly autistic. I think its good to take them to parks, etc.... how I handle it is if things get out of hand, we either leave, or I have explained to other parents. You'd be surprised how understanding people can be. Especially in this day and age, I think everyone at least knows of someone who is autistic.

You mention your son is in therapy.... for my son, we asked one of his therapists to come on an outing with us, and she showed us ways to help handle these kinds of situations. Maybe you could do the same? Other than that, I can only assure you it does get better as he will gain more language. Its much easier once you can actually explain things to them and reason with them and they understand! In the meantime, just let your son's safety be your main concern - I know my son was a bolter, so we only went places that were fenced in, no places to escape, etc. Good luck!!!

Answer 10

I have a twelve year old son with autism. We went through this with him in his earlier years. I understand everything you're thinking and feeling. I did a lot of explaining, apologizing and sobbing in the car on the way home from play outings. After being in school for a few years they worked hard on social skills, he grew out of it. I understand wanting to hide them away, but it's really about getting them out there to learn their social skills. Does he get any type of therapies?? Speech therapists can sometimes work the social skills in.