Spanking mentally retarded children?

Question

Just wondering what everyone's thoughts are on this controversial topic.

I'm not talking children with Cerebral Palsy, Down's Syndrome, or ADD, ADHD. I'm talking children who suffer from the lifelong effects of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome or Shaken Baby Syndrome, including irreversible brain damage and serious mental retardation. In some cases brain damage is so severe, the child would never be able to learn right from wrong, according to a doctor.

If a doctor or another pediatric professional told you not to even spank a child of this nature on the buttocks, stating it would get no results, would you take the advice? Or would you just decide to spank regardless. If you choose not to spank, what special discipline methods would you use? And how would outsiders (family, peers, caregivers, etc) respond to your decision. I've been to websites on this matter and couldn't find anything on this matter.

Additional information will be available upon request in answers. Thanks.

I don't have any kids of my own, but having a disability myself, I incorporated this issue in a fanfiction story I wrote. You'll be very pleased at the main character's thinking. Read here if you are interested and add the first chapter to your Favorites:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2239700/1/

Thanks for the answers so far. Looking forward to more.

Answer 1

There just isn't any question about it - no spanking. There should never be any physical retribution to or for a child that is mentally retarded. They are unable to understand. This would be pure, physical abuse. Redirect the child, see if you can get their mind of something other than what they are doing wrong. If the person caring for this child is unable to manage their emotions or anger, then they need to have the child place elsewhere and seek counsel. Dealing with children of this nature is extremely difficult - and no judgement is being passed. But the person who does NOT have the mental challenges ought to be the caregiver, and they should be able to identify whether they are able to care properly or not.

God bless.

Answer 2

I've done a lot of research on spanking for a class I took once, and most child psychologists will tell you that spanking any child for any sort of misbehavior produces no positive long term result. It doesn't serve to modify the behavior in the long run. They may seem to have learned some sort of "lesson" immediately after the spanking is administered, but the behavior will quickly return. Other punishments, such as talking through things, writing lines, taking enjoyable things from the child, and time out DO produce those positive long term results you hope to achieve.

Typically, spanking teaches a child that hitting is a reasonable approach to problem solving, which is not at all true. If children are disciplined and problems are solved in a way that they will continue to use later in life, they will be more likely to respond to it. Spanking a mentally retarded child is even worse than spanking a child who isn't mentally retarded because they will simply feel hurt and shocked at your response to their behavior.

If a professional tells you hitting your child won't help, which should be common sense anyway, then continuing to spank them would be very ignorant. Talking through a situation and then sitting a child in timeout is a great way to handle punishment for all kids, regardless of any mental disabilities. However, for more specific methods, perhaps consulting a professional trained in caring for mentally retarded children is a good idea.

Answer 3

Sadly, a lot of parents spank out of anger resulting from what the child has done. So I hope the parents of these types of children have a lot of patience and understanding. I don't discipline my son if I know it won't help him. He's almost a year old so I know if I get onto him and yell at him, all it will do is make him think I hate him or am very disappointed, when really I'm just trying to teach him. So there is a timing and circumstances that make it a good time and a bad time to discipline your children in certain ways. A child that doesn't know right from wrong should not be physically punished. I would try to get in a verbal understanding and give my reasononings behind why I think this.

Answer 4

This is a very difficult situation for you because you will have to speak to the boys parents about his behavior. Sadly as you say he is retarded and just because he can communicate doesn't mean that he is able to control his impulses and gauge what is appropriate behavior. His male hormones are starting to turn on and he is not able to channel that in an acceptable fashion. His parents are probably reluctant to see him as anything other than a child and don't have any real understanding that just because he is retarded, he won't grow up both physically and sexually. As difficult as it will be , if you are honestly friends with this couple, you would be a good friend to make them aware that their son is acting out in ways that not only you find uncomfortable, but may also get him into legal trouble. If there is a mental health/ mental retardation agency in your area, I would call them for advice on how to approach this subject with his already burdened parents. Perhaps they have some printed materials that you could pick up and bring with you when you speak to them. This is undoubtably a subject that comes up often with their agency and they would probably be able to help you make them aware in a sensitive and compassionate manner. Only you know how they will react to such news. It may be anger, and dispair directed towards you , so I would bring a backup person with me who was also well known to them. I am sure you are embarrased by this situation but you would really be doing them a favor by letting them know, as a friend rather then them finding out another way.

Answer 5

I would follow the doctor's suggestions. Sometimes with that type of disability it would be better to try to distract them with another activity. Gently tell them they can't do what they had been doing. You can even take their hands and look into their eyes. As long as you maintain your "cool" you might get some sort of result. The spanking is more of a release for the parent and will have no result for the child. However, I think they can feel resentment and sadness, so if you care for them, use your heart.

Answer 6

I can only guess that I would spank her and discipline her like any other child-and I'm not saying that to be insensitive, but what I mean is, I think I would spank when she ran into the middle of the street or something else dangerous.
Otherwise, I would do my best to teach her manners, and the other important stuff. Even if she can't understand right from wrong, I would think eventually she would learn not to hurt others, and if you explain things in those terms, explaining the consequences of others feelings, maybe she'll get it eventually.
As far as others opinions, if I felt my technique was working, I would ignore them.
Good luck

Answer 7

dont spank the child probably wont understand what you are spanking for the child isnt acting up like normal kids it is probably doing stuff to learn their understanding is different.if the child can learn right from wrong time out and explain why it is wrong.if the child has such severe damage that it cant learn then spanking isnt going to help.if the child cant learn then you are going to have to learn extreme patience.otherwise you may need to find someone else to take care of the child.a chid whom cant learn right from wrong wont learn from spanking either.it may just teach them to hit not from mental learning but from sight.kids watch and do the things they see even if they dont under stand them,my family would be horrified.and the same with my friends

Answer 8

I believe in spanking but not for mentally handicap children. They won't learn from it. Just TRY really hard to be patient. My brother has brain damage and he's 29 years old. He will always have the mentality of a 6 year old. Our adoptive parents would spank him like the rest of their kids but years later he still makes the same mistakes.

Deal with it a different way, please. Give positive rewards or feedback. Show the child how to do something correctly instead of telling the child how not to do something. Even if you have to say "good job" every other hour or say "wait, lets do it this way instead" every hour then do it. Please, just be patient. Good luck.

Answer 9

OK, I read the first part of your story which was very good btw and I have to say

****I have the complete opposite opinion of everyone here.***

Although, based on your story, the child is higher functioning than I was originally thinking.

I used to work in a home with severely and profoundly retarded individuals. Spanking wasn't allowed, but at times, I wondered if that might be the only thing that would work. Especially when the person is injuring themselves. What's a quick smack that'll serve to startle when this person is banging their head or scratching their face hard enough to draw blood and nothing else is working?

There's this psych book I read in which it describes a little girl who constantly threw her head in a violent manner causing her neck muscles to become huge and also tore her hair out and screamed almost constantly. Nothing had worked to help her quit (she was severely retarded) With permission, this psych team tried smacking her across the cheek, hard, whenever she started. And you know what? It worked. Probably shocked the hell out of her. Her hair grew back, her neck muscles went back to normal, she stopped screaming and was even able to engage in some activities. Sad ending to the story is the the facility eventually changed directors and they forbade this treatment. She regressed to her original state.

Answer 10

I don't think spanking is a good idea for a child that is not challenged. I am very confused on why this would even be an option for someone that can't even understand. I certainly think redirection would work better for children with those challenges.