Why doesn't my 31/2 year old daughter want to use the potty?

Question

My 31/2 yr old daughter started out well with potty training. We started her at about 30mos. old. She would receive stickers with every sucessful usage. She was happy...we were happy. Then, all of a sudden, she demanded to wear a diaper all the time. If I tried to put panties on her she would cry and cry and throw a tantrum demanding that she wear a diaper. Now, if one of her friends comes over, who uses the potty, she will take off her diaper and use the potty (sometimes the big toilet!) But after they leave she wants a diaper. She has never had an accident & she can use the big toilet. No problems pulling pants up and down. She knows what to do...she just doesn't want to. Has anyone had this problem or have any idea how to get her to give up her diaper. We have tried rewards. We have brought her "pretty panties". We have used the "big girl" speech. She doen't care about any of this. She has an 18mo. old little sister. could this be a problem? Maybe she wants to stay the baby.

Answer 1

She wants to be the baby again. My son did this exact same thing. Give her lots of attention. Make a point to call her a big girl and tell her all the things Big girls can do that babies are too little to do. She is just jealous of not being the baby anymore. It took my son a few months to get used to our little one, I just talked to him all the time, included him in everthing including changing the babies diapers, which made him feel big. Then he didn't want to be a baby, he wanted to be big. Just include your child in helping with the baby and it may make her realize she enjoys being a big sister and not a baby.

Answer 2

You called it, she doesn't want to grow up. I would recommend that you help her see the benefits of being big and then help her be a baby sometimes too. I would institute big girl time and baby time. During baby time, she can wear a diaper if she wants but she can only play with baby toys and do baby things (no tricycle, no Dora, only a tippy cup) and during big girl time she can do big girl things but cannot wear a diaper. Baby time should be two hours or less and then big girl time would be between two and three hours. The rest of the time, no diapers. She doesn't HAVE to wear undies, let her run naked if need be, but no diapers. Worse case scenario, it won't be long before her little sister will be starting to use the potty and then being the baby will no longer be cool. Another good help is to really make sure to celebrate her bigness. It is easy to get jealous of a new baby because people freak when the baby does the least little thing like talk a little or walk a little when the big girl can do that a lot everyday. Make sure to through a fit when your older daughter does something new and cool and mention how much you remember when she was little and learning. Kids like to hear about their early days. If she sees her little sister's achievements as a reminder of her own, she will feel less threatened. Good luck. She won't want to wear a diaper forever.

Answer 3

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Answer 4

I'm going through the same thing, my daughter tells me babies go potty in there diapers and she is my baby. My son is 2 and I'm due with number three next month, so i'm pretty sure that is working against us. See if she can help teach her sister to go potty like a big girl too.

Answer 5

She knows that you really want her trained and is refusing because it is something that only she can control. If you insist, she will resist. Let it go for awhile. Get her a step stool for the adult toilet if she can't get up there by herself. Put her in clothing that she can easily take on and off without help. When you see her doing the potty dance say to her "It looks like you need to go to the bathroom." Give it no more attention than that. If she soils or wets herself, hold her responsible. Say to her "It looks like you need to change." She can remove the soiled clothing, rinse them out, put them in the laundry, clean herself and any wet area, and put on clean clothing. Don't help her! She will learn very soon that it is much easier to use the bathroom. Good luck!

Answer 6

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Answer 7

I feel for you.

My kids are constantly competing for attention and you know that is what is happening.

But there is hope! I found the greatest thing for potty training issues. My daughter used The Potty Stool for both potty training and just getting to the toilet. Because she is independent, she just loved using it. It made potty training easy and she quickly became self-sufficient by going all by herself. I just don't know what I would have done without it.

Your case is even better because you could have your older daughter teach your younger daughter about potty training and the stool would work for you for many years - my daughter uses it at five.

I never had to worry about her touching all over the toilet. And I didn't have to clean out those potty chairs. It is pricey, but it is well worth it.

Look at ThePottyStool.com for pictures.

Answer 8

Oh dear. I have kids and it sounds like she is in charge of you.
Now this may sound harsh but it would be for her own good.
The nappies (diapers) must go. If she wants to use the Potty or toilet but doesn't have a Nappie on she will either have to (sounds horrible)
1) use the Potty
or
2) go in her underwear.
The main thing here is that she is dictating to you when she wants a Nappie on. And from the sounds of it you are giving in.
All the time you give in to her demands she knows she will get her own way.
What I would do (and again this sounds horrible, but tough love rewards you later in life)
is while her friends are over, in front of them say things like "Are you ready for a Nappie change?", "would you like a Nappie on?" or ask her friends if they wear nappies in front of her. when they say "no" you can say to your daughter "don't you want to be a big girl like your friends?"
This may work, It did with My son we had to constantly watch him for signs of "going" and catch him to put him on the potty.
(This did involve us following him around a bit with a potty constantly by our side, like a western film, guns in holsters showdown at noon type senario except no guns in holsters, but Pottys.)
This meant a constant vigil but it worked. He couldn't wear nappies as there were none to put on.
We threw them away so we could not give in to temptation.
Hope this helps or gives you some ideas.

Answer 9

I think that she just wants to stay the baby. I have a 2 year old niece and she has a 8 month old sister. Before the 8 month old was born, she would barely play with the toys we bought her. Now when she sees the 8 month old playing with the toys, she all of a sudden wants to play with the toys too. One time she snatched the toys from the baby talking about it was hers first.

Answer 10

Yes, this is common to revert to the diaper when there is an 18 month old about. Try getting her to help train the younger one by showing her. If she becomes involved in training the younger one this might help her.