my bf of 4 yrs(engaged 2) has a short fuse.He has never hit me but has smashed a few things when pissed at me.He likes to yell and sware(i never at him) when fighting with me.He does not call me names but he will say things like "I can't take this f-cking sh-t anymore find someone else" or "go to f-cking hell".Now he does not talk to anyone else like this just me.At the end of yelling with me he will always say to himself loud enough for me to hear"i need to get out of here" meaning move out.Why do i stay? Both my parents have died and i am only child i have no family.I moved out off state to be close to his family so i don't really have any close friends i just know a few people from work.I'm so sad all the time but if i leave him i will be alone and don't know if im just overreacting as i have no one to talk to about this.
2007-05-23 14:06:26 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Someone used to tell me if you have to ask the question you already know the answer. Your relationship isn't healthy. Especially if you are the central focus of his anger and rage. If he will treat you like this before the marriage can you imagine what he would do afterwards. Just think of what is best for you and this doesn't sound like it.
2007-05-23 15:07:28 · answer #1 · answered by indydst8 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it is a form of abuse. You are sad, but afraid to be alone. Go find a church that has a singles dance, find new hobbies, take a class on cake decorating, crafting, something to keep your mind busy.
Find yourself again, be yourself again. Ask the people at work you know if they are into any activities after work or if they can recommend some. Join some groups on Yahoo. Surf the dating sites and just chat and have fun getting to know the guys. It may take awhile and quite a bit of sifting, but you'll find some.
Ever tried volunteer work? Find a church, food pantry, or even help with meals on wheels. Feed your soul as well as your mind.
2007-05-23 15:25:58 · answer #2 · answered by Been there 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no you are not over reacting and yes it is abuse it is verbal abuse bordering on mental abuse . so what you will be alone but you will be alive and happy . this man is not for you he is an abuser and the abuse will only escalate as time goes on . I want you to leave and go to a shelter and that way you can be safe and free . You are not safe with this man ,in time he will start hiting you and doing much worse . Believe me when I say I know what I am talking about . I have an ex that is in prison and has threatened to harm me and my youngest son when he gets out and I will have to go into hiding again which I might add will be the umpteenth time . I have had to take self defense courses and move numerous times and had numerous jobs and I dont want to see anybody else live this way. so please get out while you can and run to the closest shelter and tell them what you have told us . they will at least keep you safe and for gods sake dont return to him . good luck honey and I will pray for you .
2007-05-24 01:18:27 · answer #3 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow this doesnt sound like a very healthy relationship. I would def. count this as verbal abuse, especially if he is doing it several times a week. I wouldn't recommend that you stay with this guy, if he is smashing things when he gets mad at you then he can also turn violent on you. Try talking to him about his anger and let him know how you are feeling but if it doesnt change then I wouldnt stay around.
2007-05-23 14:26:36 · answer #4 · answered by chessie kitten 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was in this same exact kind of relationship for 2 1/2 years. Yes it is abuse and no it's not normal and no he won't change. He only does it to you because he can and he knows you forgive him. other people would react differently to that behavior. You need space to fix it, or you need to get out. You already know what things you say in your defence that causes him to react like an idiot. Try thinking before you express your discontent even if it's his fault... Just don't say anything and reassure yourself.. that Yes he does love you more than anything (obviously or you wouldn't be engaged) and just let it go because it's going to pass anyways and you'll forget about it later.. So save the grief and don't say anything when u know he's going to explode because it's not like he's going to listen or admit he's wrong while he's in a fury. Muah!
2007-05-23 14:16:06 · answer #5 · answered by miss_little2004 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If his behavior is bothering you enough to ask about it, then it is an unhealthy relationship. If he is acting this way now chances are he will continue to act in the same manner (if not worse) when you are married. You are not overreacting. Please seek couples counseling together.... and then decide what is the best for you. Be careful - your situation is bad now, but could become so much worse. Take care and best wishes.
2007-05-23 14:57:23 · answer #6 · answered by KaseyT33 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is and you sound close to the end of your rope. You need to start networking with other people. Get involved with a church, 12-step group, exercise class and start meeting some people you won't feel so alone. You need to work on your self esteem. Once that improves, you won't take his bull-crap anymore.
2007-05-23 14:19:45 · answer #7 · answered by Vicki B 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he obviously assumes that he can treat you how you want, because you don't say that you react back.. He should never talk to you like that, but you in a way seem to let him..
even though you don't want to break up with him, next time he says that, take off your ring and walk out if he doesn't chase you, you know he isn't worth it.. you can't stay with him only because you are lonley.. if he does chase you explain to him that if you are supposed to be so important he should treat you that way, otherwise you are leaving..
2007-05-23 14:49:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel so terrible for you when I read this--that you don't even know how badly he is treating you. I know that it will be hard to pull away, and he will probably cry and beg and it will be heartwrenching, but you need to go on. Build a new life. THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO WILL BE KIND TO YOU. Go to places where you think they might be and don't give up til you find them--not just one, but several.
2007-05-23 14:26:22 · answer #9 · answered by bean1976 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it is abuse and he should NOT be treating you this way. He does it because he can get away with it.
Pack up and move - you can make new friends, you do not need someone to be treating you this way.
2007-05-23 15:42:54 · answer #10 · answered by A J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋